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Your Prayers Are Answered, My Child

Did you know people send prayers out into the universe via The Google? I did. Do you know how I knew that? Because their prayers come to me. I’ve decided to take it upon myself to send those prayers up to the big guy. We have a history, you know. I would pray for things. […]

I Just. Can’t. Stop.

This year has been…interesting thus far to say the least. In addition to the deaths of some of my favorite people…Jareth Bowie. Snape Rickman, I’ve been stricken with a few grievous issues. Only a few weeks in and I’ve had the laryngitis, back maladies, a small addiction to the Twitter, and a serious case of […]

Eat Your Heart Out, Bill Murray

If Groundhog Day were a never-ending loop, I’d make damn sure I learned a few things before I tried to drive Punxatawny Phil and myself off a cliff or stepped in front of a truck. In fact, it’s kind of fun to imagine it all. Not the cliff driving or truck stepping…the learning, people. Like […]

Let’s Talk About Warning Labels

For pretty much my whole life, I’ve ignored warning labels. I’m completely accident prone and have been known to injure myself in the most bizarre of ways, so it makes perfect sense that I should live in such a beautiful lala land and ignore warnings. If you have any aversion to discussion of cuts on […]

My (Sometimes) Ridiculous Life

Apparently, This Summer Wasn’t My First Back Pain Rodeo…Or Why I’m a Velociraptor

Guys, you’re not going to believe this (well…yes you will…), but I hurt my back again. And this time, it was much less exciting than showing off doing fancy yoga. Yesterday morning, I was reaching down to pull on my underwear. An activity I participate in daily. When BAM! I felt the tightness pull, and […]

I Have the Laryngitis

I think. I mean, I’m  a little bit of a hypochondriac,  but I’m pretty sure that my inability to speak like a normal Chrissy, let alone a normal human, puts my diagnosis in the not exaggerating box. It’s as if someone said, “Chrissy, you have all these things to say and people to talk to, […]

You May Now Address Me as “Master”

Well, December has sure as fuck been one hell of a ride. The first week of December saw me in a new role at a new company. I quit my old job before Thanksgiving, and started¬† at the new place a few weeks later. I took those two weeks between jobs to finish up my […]

Completely Legitimate Reasons I Could Have Quit My Job

They took away my mirrors My narcissism knows no bounds, and when the lobby renovation of my building was finished, there were no more mirrors for me to double check myself before heading up to my office. There used to be a wall of mirrors and gold mirrored elevator doors in which I could double […]

Bring it on, weirdo

Our Home – AKA I Hate Cleaning

And This is How Many Times I Injured Myself This Weekend…

On Saturday morning, I attempted to finish clearing the dead crap from my heavily landscaped yard, a task I had begun upon arriving home the night before (while wearing a damn dress, no less). Dirt, mud and pollen threatened to swallow my hands whole. The purple paint on my freshly manicured, middle fingernail chipped. A […]

The Hostess’ Guide to the Holiday Madness

Little-known fact: June Cleaver, Martha Stewart, and I swap notes. I may be a terrible housewife, but I’m a master of feeding people and throwing baller parties. Last year, after moving into our house, we hosted a killer game-themed housewarming party for nearly 60, Second Thanksgiving for 15, Christmas Day for 30, and a small […]

In Honor of World Naked Gardening Day…

For those of you who are naively unaware, today (the first Saturday of May) is World Naked Gardening Day. (Warning, the following link is NSFW and contains an older gentleman’s dingaling on the front page. You’ve been warned.) Tenth Annual World Naked Gardening Day. (No, seriously, guys. You’ve been warned.) It’s World Naked Gardening Day. […]

Can Someone Come Over and Pack My Shit?

Hey Blog Friends. Sorry about, you know…my mini-disappearing act. Things are getting hectic around here…we’re moving in T minus 11 days, and the only things that are packed around here are the Christmas dishes…because It was almost April and we were still using the Christmas dishes. Because it was too cold to bring up the […]

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Eats and Drinks

How to Bake the Perfect Cookies

It’s National Cookie Day, you guys. Do you know what that means? Fresh-baked, melty-chocolatey, delicious cookies should get in your belly. Immediately. This post is sponsored by the fine people at Otis Spunkmeyer, several of whom I met a few weeks ago in Chicago while sampling their delicious snacks. As always, these opinions, ideas, and […]

Meet the McSmoky Triple Cheese Burger – My McDonald’s Create Your Taste

This past weekend, I had the opportunity to take my pal Cletus over to a McDonald’s near-ish me in Downers Grove. We used to live in Downers Grove, so this was near and dear to me. They closed the McDonald’s that I knew and loved, and opened a new one a mile down the road. […]

Snack On

Gettin’ Skinny With It

Straight Up Now-Baby Got Back…and Wants to Lose it, Lose it.

I just started playing the throwback¬† game in the social media world. So I thought it was pretty perfect when Twindaddy planned to start his 25 songs in 25 days challenge on a Thursday with the first song being “A song from your childhood.” I have two songs for you. Because I’m a terrible decision […]

How to Drunk Yoga in 12 Easy Steps

So you know how sometimes I do things so you don’t have to? This is one of those times. So please. Kids. Don’t try this at home. Yoga is fun. Yoga is fucking awesome. Yoga is one of my new favorite things to do. Sometimes, I think in my head at night well, I can […]

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