May 21

When in Doubt, Ask for Help and DON’T Back Out of the Parking Garage

So, you may have noticed that I’ve been slacking on the awesome recently. I mean…I shared an e-mail from my boyfriend, a ridiculous picture of myself, and a ranty rant about dress codes last week.  I was beginning to think that I was losing my touch.

But then…Like magic…All of a sudden out of nowhere I have 15 new stories to tell you. But today I will only tell you one. Because I have to save some of this goodness for a rainy day. Or a brain block day. Or a writer’s block day. Or my memoirs. One of those.

So today I’m going to tell you about last night’s adventure.

I met up with a girlfriend of mine for dinner after work. We had a general location in mind, but not an actual restaurant. We were off to Rosemont (a mere blocks away from O’Hare, where I briefly daydreamed of jumping on a plane to New Orleans.) I arrived with the intentions of finding a place for us to dine, and then I would tell her where to meet me. Really, guys, this SEEMED like a logical plan. Considering I didn’t know the area all that well and everything in the area on Yelp seemed super pricy.

Finally, I made my way to an area I used to sort of know a little bit. There was a movie theater and a parking garage the last time I was there, but now it’s full of restaurants and such. Fab! I thought. We’ll eat at one of these places. So I pulled into the parking garage without a second thought.

Until I got to the second level. $13? That’s fucking crazy. But there were 3 lanes. One didn’t have a ticket dispenser. So I followed that one to the third level. Where I was met with a ticket dispenser. $13? Fuck that shit. Fuck that a lot.™

Except that there was a sign that read, “No refunds.”

So what’s a girl to do when she’s on the 3rd level of a very coned off area of a parking garage?

Back the fuck up.

Literally. I backed up. All the way down around the corner to the second level. Then I inched my way toward the original ramp…the one lane, steep-as-shit, one way ramp.

And some cars starting to come up, so I pulled forward a bit to let them through.

When it looked all clear, I thought…OK. Let’s do this thing. And I started backing down slowly on the ramp. Until a car starting pulling up. SHIT! I put the car back into drive and maneuvered my way back up to the second level. I pulled far enough out of the way to let the guy through, but he must have seen my distressed look, so he rolled down his window to get my attention.

And I looked over and this teenage boy, who couldn’t have been more than 19 looks at me with pity and asks if I need help. I told him my dilemma (not that I had backed down from the 3rd level though. That shit was embarrassing) and he said that I just needed to take a ticket and pull through to the exit. What the what? Really? Why didn’t I think of that? And then he told me to double check with the guy in charge by pushing the…wait for it…HELP button.

After following both sets of instructions and confirming that I wouldn’t get charged by the annoyed parking garage guy who answered my call for help…I made my way safely out of the parking lot and into a free parking space.

And for the record, guys, my pal had equally as much difficulty getting to the restaurant…As she past the correct exit, got off the interstate too far north, and kept driving north until I asked her whether the sun was on her left or right and then insisted she turn around immediately.

But we had a delightful meal and a really cool Irish pub. And then I almost accidentally went back into the parking garage. I swear I’m not a complete flake. Usually.

 

Posted in The Present | Tagged backing out of a parking garage, ditzy, getting lost, humor, random situations, ridiculousness, stupidity, writer's block | 3 Comments
May 17

In Which My Boyfriend Is “Cooler” Than Your Boyfriend

I, along with a couple of our friends received the following e-mail last week.

From my boyfriend.

Yes, yes…He IS sometimes more creative than me. One day, I’ll show you the first e-mail he ever sent me. Maybe.

<knock><knock>
 
Good, you’re all here.
It was getting pretty late and the night watch has a price on all of our heads. Yes, Yes… BananaMan… the price on your head is still the highest. What? No! We have to continue using our code-names so they can’t track us down. Did you bring the map?
 
The Map
 
Good… good…. wait! No… that’s USELESS, BananaMan! Get your head in the game! That’s a map of the whole city. We need more specific intel about our targets.
 
NaughtyNurse, what kind of information did you get from the guards you cavorted with last night?
 
Gen Con Website
 
That’s better! Good job NaughtyNurse!
 
Gen Con Hotel Info
 
Hmmm…. Yes… we’ll need to regroup near the target but our “Investor” has backed out. We’ll have to fund this operation on our own, but I think the payout may be well worth the investment.
 
What’s that? No! You CAN’T change your codename to “QuirkyChrissy”, CheeseWiz. Yes…. yes… we all know how much you hate cheese-wiz… you’ve been complaining about it ever since you were assigned that code-name… you KNOW its short for “Cheese Wizard”. Fine… Fine. Ok.ok.ok.ok…. pick another type of cheese then.
 
OK.
 
Oh. you have some scouting information for our basecamp? You think that close proximity to the target may be expensive and that one of your “contacts” may be able to stash us away for the duration of the caper? Do you trust them, though?
 
Travel Site 1
 
Travel Site 2
 
Well… that’s a start at least.
What? No I didn’t actually have an assignment.
I’m the team leader!
What?
No. No one voted for me…. well, see, there was this chick in a lake that handed me a sword…
 

But…you’re probably asking yourself…WHAT does it all mean?

We’ll be spending the entire 4 glorious gaming days in August at Gen Con. At a hotel that doesn’t have bedbugs. AND I need a new code name.

Pictures from Gen Con 2012.

Gen Con Gen Con Gen Con

I’ve got LOTS of questions for you guys!

So what should my code name be? Do you go to any cons? Which one(s)? Would you participate in Cos-play (dressing up in nerdy costumes at conventions)? Should I? I’m thinking about live blogging while I’m there. What are your thoughts on that?

Posted in The Present | Tagged boyfriends, conventions, conversations with Brian, cos-play, events, gamers, Games, gaming, gen con, GenCon, GenCon Indianapolis, silly boyfriend | 7 Comments
May 13

Monday Memories: Dress Code Discrimination?

I read about this controversial dress code from Delightfully Ludicrous and I just knew that a rant had to happen.

So I thought I could make it more fun by offering you my very own dress code story and incorporating it into Monday Memories.

Monday Memories

So today, friends, Monday Memories is all about dress codes.

First and foremost, I want to state for the record that it’s a sad sad state of things when the dress code of a child in kindergarten is considered compromised. The fact that it needs to exist at all? Baffling.

I got in trouble in grade school for wearing a tee-shirt featuring Spuds McKenzie, because it represented beer.

But never in a million years would my mother have let me out of the house in a freaking push up bra at 7. Or a thong. A freakin’ thong. I see younger and younger girls at Victoria’s Secret every time I stop in. (Which is a lot, because I have an obsession. And it’s not with their underwear. Yoga pants. Yoga crops. Yoga leggings. Yoga shorts.) But these little girls are buying thongs.

I STILL don’t like thongs.

So back to dress codes. After watching the news clip of the little girl who got in trouble for wearing a hello kitty outfit with a skort and tights (for the skort being “too short”), I was appalled. And annoyed. Because school administrators are very picky about who has to turn their shirts inside out, who has to wear their gym clothes, who has to be sent home. I feel like they may have discriminated against this girl. Not necessarily because of her race, but for anything. Maybe the school didn’t like the way her mother dressed. Maybe the school admins didn’t like the mother. I don’t know, but I don’t like it.

It happened to me once in high school. Because I was the chubby girl. Now in high school, I wasn’t fat. But I was bigger than a lot of the other girls. One of my favorite go-to warm-weather clothing items (when I wasn’t wearing pajamas to school-which I did a lot) was a tube top and overall shorts. I know. Classy. But I liked it. I thought I looked nice. My mom thought I looked nice. The overalls had straps that fit the school’s dress code criteria and lots of girls dressed that way. It wasn’t revealing. At all.

But one day I got pulled to the side by an administrator who politely informed me that it was gym shirt or get sent home. I had a sweatshirt in my locker that I was able to throw over my outfit (though I was sweltering) and I made it through the day. She was discriminating against me, because I was the chubby girl with boobs. She basically told me it was because girls with chests shouldn’t wear clothing like I was wearing. There wasn’t even cleavage showing (well, not any more than the skinny girls showed, anyways).

dress code discrimination

This was not the set in question. This was actually MORE revealing than the one that got me in trouble. I wore this on the last week of school as a “Fuck You” to the administrator who called me out the first time. Guess what? No one said a word. So they pick and choose their battles.

I was pissed, but I survived. And fortunately so will the little girl in her Hello Kitty cuteness. Let’s just hope she doesn’t start shopping and A&F or Victoria’s Secret for bras and thongs next year when she’s 7.

Go visit Lily at It’s a Dome Life for more dress code memories!

So what about you guys? Ever felt like someone in charge was calling you out because you were different?

 

Posted in High School, Monday Memories to Make You Laugh | Tagged discrimination, dress code, dress codes, high school, memories, monday memories, rambles, rants | 14 Comments
May 09

30 Things Before Thirty: Looking Back

I’m. Going. To. Be. 30.

Soon.

I never created a 30 before 30 list. But you know what? I’ve done a lot of cool shit in my almost 30 years.

I was planning on posting this 30 days before my GOLDEN 30th birthday on May 30th, but things don’t always work out the way they are planned and that’s okay.

I’ve decided to write a list of 30 things that would have been on my 30 before 30 list, if I had made one…Of course these are the things that I have obviously already  completed (or will complete) before the big day.

(Side note: I am well aware that somewhere halfway through the list, I switch tenses. Just go with it, because I’m too tired to fix it.)

The Bucket List I Never Knew I Already Mastered

1. Get credit debt free. (OK, this one will be officially completed contingent upon my next paycheck, but still. CREDIT. DEBT. FREE. Like a motherfucking boss.)

2. Fire drill in a skyscraper. Hell yes, bitches. (Okay, it’s a shortie but still anything more than 10 floors is still super tall!) Did you know that when they have a fire drill in a big fancy tall building, they don’t make you practice going ALL THE WAY down the stairs? Me neither. But I do now.

3. Experience the glory of New Orleans. Twice. I’ve been there pre and post Katrina…and it’s still my second favorite city of all the cities I’ve been to. (Chicago is obvi #1.) (And Disney doesn’t count as a city, PEOPLE. It’s a magical land of joy.)

Speaking of Disney…

4. Visit Disney FIVE times. If I had my way, this would double (at least) before I’m 40, but let’s not push our luck.

5. Find a sand dollar on the beach. Or fifty?

Find a Sand Dollar Find a Sand Dollar

6. Travel out of the country. Yep. Katie and I went to London in 2004 (And yes, my passport is about to expire). And it was amazing.

Tower of London

At the Tower of London

7. Get bullied into snuggling a giant albino snake. 

Cuddle a giant albino snake

7. Become a professional writer. Mama always told me that I should write, because that is where my true talent lies. I’ll never look back. (Well you know what I mean.)

8. Graduate from college. You guys, I was the first person in my familial line to go to college and graduate from a 4 year university. A first generation college graduate. How cool is that?

9. Meet Jenny Lawson. It was totally awesome to meet an author that I admire…even if I did make an ass of myself.

10. See Stonehenge. I’m not going to lie, guys…It was just a pile of rocks. I was hung over and it was just. a pile. of rocks.

Stonehenge is just a pile of rocks.11. Eat the most ridiculous animal meat that you can. A shortened list of the exotic and strange animals that I’ve eaten include: Kangaroo (yum!), Rattlesnake (meh), Raccoon (tastes like it eats my garbage), Antelope (delicious!), and possibly lion (I prefer vegetarian animals, I think.)

12. Take a train across the country. Sort of. We traveled from Chicago to Denver and it was not as awesome as one would think. Of course, we weren’t in a sleeper car either, so that may have made it less awesome.

13. Make a cameo on national television. Twice. In 2008, I went to a Sox game in scout seating, thanks to one of my dear friends. I was wasted and prancing around behind home plate like an asshole. I even made a point to yell over to Ozzie just to say hi. He waved back, but didn’t look happy. He probably didn’t remember meeting me when I was 8.

14. Hold the position of president in an organization. Guys, this is hard work. They told me it would be the best year of my life and the worst…Add in student teaching and that was the hardest year of my life.

15. Be recognized and awarded on a national level. The same organization that I was president of was also the organization that I was named a National Outstanding Vice President for the prior year. It was kind of amazing.

16. Change careers. As tough as this may be, the experience alone is worth it. I never thought that I could be where I am right now, and I wouldn’t change any of it for the world.

17.Become a godmother. The day my godson was born, was one of the happiest days ever. Having the honor of being his godmother, though? Joy forever. I truly have the best godson in the world.

18. Fall in love.

19. Have my heart broken.

20. Found Brian.

21. Get a tattoo.

Irish Twin Tattoos

The Irish Claddagh symbolizes friendship, loyalty, and love. Cupla is Gaelic for twins.

22. Received a Christmas card from out of the country! Thanks to my Canadian pal, Ash!

23. Hit over 1,000 Facebook Likes on my page!

24. I got to see wild dolphins.

25. Went to Westminster Abbey. Drunk.

26. Met a blogger in real life. (Lauren Filing Jointly is AMAZING.)

27. Took a grown up trip to Disney World. I can put Disney on my completed bucket list twice. Hell I could do it three times if I wanted to.

28. Went dancing at Disney World with the best boyfriend in the whole world after the most amazing meal of my life. See. I told you I could do it.

29. Went to the midnight showings and book releases of the last two Harry Potter books/three movies I didn’t really get crazy into them until those last few were coming out. Then I was obsessed.

30. Write a consistent blog for a year. As of May 30, friends…this one is done too! I never could have imagined then where this blog would be now. It’s because of you that I am still here. Thank you.

What’s on your I-already-did-that Bucket List, Blog Friends? What’s on your To-do Bucket List?

 

Posted in The Present | Tagged 30, 30 before 30, 30 years old, best life ever, Birthday, bucket list, golden birthday, things I've done, turning 30 | 23 Comments
May 06

Bookish Memories

This week’s Monday Memories is all about books! My story is a short, but sweet one…and by sweet, I mean I had a teacher who didn’t know who she was dealing with…and by that, clearly I mean my mom.

Monday Memories

(Note to Mom: If I get this wrong according to the story in your head…just you know…keep it to yourself ;-) )

In 3rd grade, back when I didn’t have a large collection of chapter books for kids, I would read children’s books. Rapidly. I mean, I also chewed through Ramona Quimby, Fudge, Roald Dahl, The Babysitters Club, and other kid-themed books faster than a lot of kids…But sometimes, I would read several books in one night. Especially if they were my Little Golden Books.

There was all that Book-It stuff in which you got free Pizza Hut personal pan pizzas for reading books. And we got extra credit for the more books we read. I’ve always been a fan of extra credit. Always. Of course, upon reporting these to my 3rd grade teacher, she thought I was making shit up.

When my parents went in for parent teacher conferences? She told them I was a liar and had a problem. So my mom asked, what does she lie about. She says she reads all of these books and it’s impossible to read that much. (Bad teachers don’t do research on the names of the books that kids are reading. Bad teachers assume that the kids are telling the truth that the book titles they list exist, unless of course, there are too many books on the list. THEN, those kids are liars. Bad teachers tell parents that they’re doing a piss poor job of raising a kid who stays up late at night to read books instead of sleep.)

I’m pretty sure my mom went off on her. She was already holding a grudge that I wasn’t in the “gifted” program at school. I just made my own gifted program. By reading more than anyone else. Whatevs. I was reading flipping picture books and writing that shit down. Documentation, my friends. Documentation.

Speaking of which, I wish I still had that shit.

The Best Reading Chair

I’ve been reading in this chair since I was old enough to read. It lived in my Gram’s house for years…she gave it to me when I grew up, because she knew I loved it so much.

Want more bookish memories? Go visit Lily over at It’s a Dome Life. I swear she and I are kindred spirits. If you like me, you’ll love her!

Tell me your favorite bookish memory? What was your favorite book when you were a kid?

Posted in Grade School, Monday Memories to Make You Laugh | Tagged 3rd grade, Books, childhood, grade school, memories, monday memories, reading, reading chair, school, teachers | 15 Comments
May 03

When Hate Happens (I Probably Shouldn’t Write About This)

I try really hard to be a mostly positive person. Sure, I bitch about shit. Life’s life, guys. Shit happens. Bitching happens. And Hate. Hate unfortunately happens. Not my hate, though…someone else’s hate was spewed on me. Just like that one time I got hate mail from MySpace. And so my dear friends I am offering you a piece of my past.

I Used to be a Waitress Server

I grew up in a bar, so it wasn’t unusual that I found myself working in restaurants and bars whenever I wasn’t working a real job. For about 6 months, I worked as a waitress an Irish pub (you know, the dark wood, make the servers wear kilts and knee highs kinda place). Now, don’t get me wrong. Best. Decision. of. my. Life…because that’s where I met Brian.

But at the same time. After that job, I swore that I would never be a waitress again.

I’m going to give you a little glimpse into the why.

One afternoon, two very unhappy looking ladies entered the bar and sat in my section. They ordered chips, soup and salad. No beer. No booze. And no smiling.

So I tried to be my chipper cheery self.

Unfortunately, they also got to meet my super klutzy self. As I was clearing their plates away (and God forbid they should have attempted to move out of the way just a smidge so that I could easily access the empty plates that they wanted removed…), I accidentally tipped the dressing boat/ramekin and some spilled out. Most of it went to the floor, and a few drops landed on this girl’s winter coat. I rushed to clean the mess, and apologized profusely, but I was met with disdain. Disdain for me being a lowly server. Disdain for my MASSIVE life altering error. Disdain for me as a human being. And I apologized. And this girl glared at me. And I offered to pay for the coat to be cleaned, because God forbid you spill anything on an old-looking, dark colored coat…

She paid the bill, and forgot to leave me a tip. I’m going to assume she forgot. I mean, she must not have realized that servers get paid like $4/hour if they’re lucky.

Seriously guys, I’ve spilled ice cream on bridesmaids that were nicer to me than this girl was. I went home and cried to Brian.

A few weeks later, my boss came to me with the following (on which I’ve blacked parts out to protect the guilty.)

Bitchy Waitress

Bitchy Waitress

The dry cleaning cost more than the bill she stiffed me on.

If you’re wondering whether I sent her the check? I did. A few weeks afterwards…I wasn’t making a whole lot of money at said bar…I didn’t think she was that desperate for the $20 based on the fact that she spends $20 to dry-clean one item…

Unfortunately for this girl, the check was returned to me about 3 weeks after I retired from waiting tables. Apparently, she gave me the wrong address.

I didn’t think it was necessary to seek her out.

For the record, guys…ALWAYS be nice to your servers. The Golden Rule ALWAYS applies. Even when it’s lowly, bitchy waitresses. Because one day, she might be almost famous and tell the story about how you were mean that one time.

Were you ever a server? Bartender? Anything in the service industry? Dealing with people sucks, amiright? Tell me your story!

 

Posted in Confession Friday | Tagged bar, bitches, bitchy waitress, confession friday, hate mail, restaurants, waitress, waitresses | 28 Comments
May 02

Nerdy Things I Do When I’m Not Here

Sometimes, I get writer’s block. And I’m not really sure what to write about for this here little blog of mine. So I back off. I reflect. I do real life things that have nothing to do with blogging. Today, I’m going to tell you about some of the awesome things that I do when I’m not blogging.

  • I play mindless games. Bejeweled. Tetris. Bloons. I am a mindless game master.
  • I play board games. Nerdy ones. Arkham Horror. Settlers of Catan. Dominion. Munchkin. 7 Wonders.
  • I watch Doctor Who. And LOVE it.
  • I cuddle with my boyfriend. Is that nerdy? Did you just throw up a little bit in your mouth? That’s okay; me too.
  • I read books. You should too. They make you smarter. S-M-R-T.
  • I talk about sciency things with Brian. Okay. Brian talks about sciency things and I listen. And sometimes fall asleep. But that’s okay. Because he still loves me.
  • I plan vacations in my head. Especially to places that begin with Disney and end with World.
  • I eat cheese. Like, a lot of it. Fancy stuff. None of that plastic wrap Kraft BS.
  • I daydream about my future fame. That’s probably not nerdy either. But I do it. You bet your ass I do it.
  • I research things I want to buy. I didn’t always do this. I used to just buy things that I wanted. Now I research them first. I blame Brian.
  • I listen to Disney music and show tunes. A lot.
Posted in Quick Blurb, The Present | Tagged Books, cheese, Disney, Doctor Who, gamers, Games, gaming, nerd, Nerdy, reading, science | 11 Comments