The Latest

Puppies are like toddlers

In recent news, Brian and I are the proud parents of a five-month-old puppy we call Nia (her full name is a regal one: Lady Nymeria Stark of Winterfell). We rescued her exactly two months ago and have been in love/hell ever since. I’ve wholeheartedly embraced the dog mom life, so if you’re here to […]

Damsel in distress…in the bathroom

The other day, after my class at The Second City, I decided to head straight home instead of sticking around for bonus Second City joy like I had originally planned. We had just gotten a new water heater that afternoon, and I was pretty excited to head home for a warm shower. Also, Brian had […]

I may have been a stand-up comedian in a past life

Guys. GUYS. I recently returned from the beautiful Dayton Riviera, where I embraced the joys of life and love and humor with my writing tribe at the Erma Bombeck Writer’s Workshop. I have A LOT to say about this conference and the magic that happens there, but first, I thought it would be fun to […]

Does it count as sexual harassment if I was a t-rex?

The other day, I went bowling in my t-rex costume (as one does, right?). It was a birthday party with a suits theme. So I wore my dino suit over my bathing suit (it sure does get hot in there, guys!), and trekked to a local bowling establishment. And while I was standing in the […]

My (Sometimes) Ridiculous Life

Santa Shops at Sam’s Club

I mean, I’m not surprised, really. With less than 50 shopping days left until one of my favorite holidays on the planet, Santa’s probably already working his butt off. I vaguely remember seeing presents that looked as if they came from Sam’s Club once or twice in my Christmas morning experience… Or Santa’s a procrastinator […]

Leprechaun, My Budding Acting Career, the Playground, and Netflix

Now, I know we’ve already established how very uncool I was in grade school. But let’s focus instead on the ridiculous weirdness that made me special among the outcasts who didn’t play kickball every lunch hour on the playground. Now, as a young child under the age of 10, I wasn’t really ALLOWED to watch […]

What’s Up, Jenny McCarthy?

So…some of you may have caught the tale of my first period. Some of you may even be here, because you saw it on the Huffington Post.  Fucking awesome. Well you know who else saw it? A producer. For Dirty, Sexy, Funny with Jenny McCarthy. And on Thursday morning,  Jenny is going to be interviewing….yours […]

Every Two Seconds Someone Punches Someone Else in the Arm-And That’s Why We Can’t Have Nice Things…or World Peace

A conversation Brian and I had this morning had me in tears I was laughing so hard. I had every intention of getting on the train and typing it in my phone so that I didn’t forget it. And then I got on the train and got all chatty…and boom. It was lost. So when […]

Bring it on, weirdo

The Married Life

Real Talk About Babies

So, now that we’re married, Brian and I have been having the baby conversation. You know, because we’re not spring chickens or anything. Note, before we get things going here: I AM NOT PREGNANT. Okay good. Glad we got that out of the way. The conversation has kinda gone something like this. Me: Brian, I […]

Marriage advice from a newlywed

So I’ve been thinking. How long do you get to consider yourself a newlywed? Since Brian and I have been married for exactly 365 days (tomorrow is our anniversary), I’m wondering if I can still consider myself a newlywed? Well, regardless, I thought it was important to impart some very necessary wisdom about marriage that […]

Marriage in the days of alternative facts

It’s been 5 months since Brian and I tied the proverbial knot. And let me tell ya, marriage isn’t easy. It’s been rough going as we wade through real life and what’s true or not. The world is insane, you guys. Here are just a few of the crazy “truths”that have come to light and […]

4 things that save my marriage every day

Brian and I have been married for more than 6 months now, so I’m pretty confident that gives me authority to offer up marriage advice. As it turns out, there are a lot of things that can help a marriage along, especially when you’re navigating alternative facts and not really sure what’s real and what […]

More Marital Bliss

Our Home – AKA I Hate Cleaning

Drunk Chrissy is a Motherfucking Genius

It is last night, right now. By that I mean, I am typing this and it is Monday night. November 30. Not today. Today is likely any day but that. Unless it is November 30 in another year, many days from now. When I am typing this. Drunk. You get what I’m saying. Brian told […]

Can Someone Come Over and Pack My Shit?

Hey Blog Friends. Sorry about, you know…my mini-disappearing act. Things are getting hectic around here…we’re moving in T minus 11 days, and the only things that are packed around here are the Christmas dishes…because It was almost April and we were still using the Christmas dishes. Because it was too cold to bring up the […]

4 Super Simple Laundry Hacks to Keep Your Clothes Clean and Fresh

You guys know how much I hate laundry. Even when we lived in an apartment, with a washer and dryer setup right outside our bedroom door, it wasn’t on my list of things I loved to do. Luckily, I’ve been working with some really awesome companies that are simplifying laundry for me so I can […]

And This is How Many Times I Injured Myself This Weekend…

On Saturday morning, I attempted to finish clearing the dead crap from my heavily landscaped yard, a task I had begun upon arriving home the night before (while wearing a damn dress, no less). Dirt, mud and pollen threatened to swallow my hands whole. The purple paint on my freshly manicured, middle fingernail chipped. A […]

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Wedding Shenanigans

Planning a Wedding is Hard Work

It’s been a little over two months since Brian and I got engaged.  We (and by we, let’s be honest here, I mostly mean me) are deep in the throws of the planning. Since Brian has been telling me we would get married this year since last January  (why yes, he did wait until December […]

Should You Really Pinterest Your Own Wedding?

Pinterest for wedding planning is getting out of control. It’s all DIY this and DIY that. And FML this and FML that. Come up with the perfect save the dates! Design the most creative invitations! Your wedding favors: handled! These centerpieces will blow your mind! If you’re insane, these wedding photo ideas will totally impress […]

Perfect Date Ideas if Killing a Man Sounds Like a Hot Date

A few weeks ago, we had our first shower. It was lovely, and Brian’s family is wonderful, and I love them.  One of the activities at said shower was a Date Jar. It was super adorable and everyone seemed to really enjoy participating. So, of course, I thought it would be fun to read them […]

More from the wedding journey

Eats and Drinks

Forget About the Velveeta Shortage; Buy Real Cheese. Duh.

Okay, so what the hell is this nonsense about a Velveeta shortage? Seriously. Let me tell you a little something about Velveeta. That shit is terrible. End. Okay, I’m lying. Not end. If you don’t know me, allow me to introduce myself. Hi. I’m Chrissy and I have a cheese obsession. I have a weekly […]

Holiday Leftover Breakfast Pizza – It Sounds Gross, But Even Brian Liked It

Okay, so after Thanksgiving, my girlfriend Brookie Banosnapper Snapchatted me with her fancy “Turkey and hollandaise with poached eggs on flatbread” and “I’m making all the soup from Thanksgiving leftovers” I’m-cooler-than-you-videos. In typical lady fashion, I had to one-up her. I also had to use some of the Thanksgiving leftovers that I had in order to […]

Snack On

Gettin’ Skinny With It

EASY Toaster Oven Lunch Plan – Spicy Baked Tilapia and Truffle Goat Cheese Sub

You guys know I love me some Gorton’s Seafood, right? Easy, fast, and delicious fishy goodness. Perfect when you’re forced to cook seafood for one…or when you go to your parents house to cook a meal for everyone except your boyfriend because he hates seafood… Well, I recently discovered that these delightful little Simply Bakes […]

Random Food Staples Always in our Kitchen

Normal people have a regular supply of certain foods always in stock. You know, things like mustard, ketchup, chicken breasts, American or cheddar cheese, pickles, Ritz crackers, olive oil…Sure we have some of these things in our fridge and pantry from time to time. Some of these normal foods even remain as staples in our […]

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