I Think I Know Those Clowns…Not the Rodeo Clowns Though…

Last night, Brian and I joined a couple of our friends for an evening of Haunted Housing. Our friend who organized the trip usually prefers the regular passes as opposed to the VIP passes because the wait in line is usually a lot of fun and adds to the ambiance of the house. You know, gearing up the fear and shit.

So we get to the location of the haunted house, where we shelled out 28 bucks a pop for the tickets. Only to be told that we’d also be paying $5 for parking. We went to this house last year and didn’t have to pay for parking, so this was a strange and unpleasant new development.

I saw a crowd on the side of the venue, and wondered if that was a VIP entrance. As we drew closer, I realized they were all smoking, and they looked like they were in costume. Cowboy hats, plaid shirts, tight jeans…Must be a hillbilly room or something. As I got even closer, I noticed that some of them were dressed normally and there was a “smoking section” sign. They must just be regular employees, not actors. I looked inside the oprn door behind them and realized that they were not related to the haunted house at all. There was a concert of some sort going on with bright lights and loud mariachi music.

Mariachi band by the haunted houseWell that explained the $5 parking fee. Jerks.

So, we got in the first line at the haunted house (the first of FIVE different lines). This line was outside, and we were there before the house opened. I noticed a girl wearing a short skirt and rubber boots prepping for something with electricity. Just before we walked into the venue, she jumped on top of a beat up car, and started running some electric thing on a metal grindy thing near her lady bits while dancing like she was in a cage at the club. I wondered whether I was heading into a haunted house or a brothel.

We walked into the brightly lit first lobby, and stood in another line. The mariachi band was going hard core just a few feet away and the concert lights made it look like it was still daylight. I looked over, away from the band and saw a pair of uniquely costumed muderous clowns. I grinned at Brian and said, “I think I know those clowns.”

His response? “That’s a weird thing to say.”

When we moved upstairs to the next lobby (this time the actual “haunted house lobby”), one of the clowns was staring me down. I eyed him for a second and asked, “Do I know you?”

Yep, I definitely recognized him.

Yep, I definitely recognized him.

He nodded and I walked closer to him, when he gave me his hand all gentlemanly. We chatted for a moment (he really is my friend!) and then I had to go catch up with my people.

We got in the third line of the night about 15 minutes after the haunted house was supposed to be open. But the bright lights and loud VERY UNSCARY music coming from the open room beside and below us was really killing the mood. It wasn’t just a mariachi band; it was a full-on fucking rodeo.

The foggy image is because of the fog machines.

The foggy image is because of the fog machines.

There’s a bull back there. A motherfucking bull.

They haunted house refused to open until these people finished playing. These people just refused to finish. An hour and twenty minutes after the house was scheduled to open, they finally started letting people in. The mood was not set with scary music or dark lobbies. It was set with a fucking tuba and the running of the bulls. Or a bullfight. Or something. Come to think of it, I bet hooha electricity girl out front would have had one hell of a time trying to ride the bull…

Luckily, our friends are pretty fun, and the clowns kept stopping by.

Scary clown with a knife

The house itself was meh. The first part was a pair of too-long dark mazes. The second part was a neon 3-D porn cartoon. The last part was the kind of haunted house that you picture – murderous creepers, a shrine to John Wayne Gacy, people eating people…screamers, psychos…

image

Overall, not terrible, but the venue is going to get a nasty letter from me. Because they made Brian mad with this mariachi bullshit. And nobody messes with my boyfriend.

Have you been to a haunted house this year? What’s your favorite part of a haunted house?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

7 Easy DIY Halloween Costume Ideas for Women and Couples

Halloween is definitely the holiday of all holidays around here.  My family and friends totally jump into Halloween head first. It’s the fourth family holiday. It’s the ONLY holiday my aunt flies in from out of state to celebrate with us. It’s kind of a big deal around here.

I figured you may be looking for some Halloween costume ideas – I know I still am…so I thought I would help you out and share some of the best costumes my people have put together in years past. You’ve already seen my bouquet toss winner Halloween costume…and my Sally costume…but I’m not the only one with the ideas. Several of my friends have given me permission to share their photos and costume ideas with you, so you can see what excellent company I keep over here in the real world.

Fast(ish), Easy DIY Halloween Costumes

My pal, Brookie Banosnapper showed up at my RIDICULOUSLY EARLY (First week of October early) Halloween party last year in this ensemble. Best. Idea. Ever.

Grumpy Cat Halloween Costume

One of my friends from college, Shelli was unrecognizable by many of her friends when she showed up in this costume! I was a big NCIS fan a few years back (which was when Sheli threw down this costume. I wish I could have seen it in person, but she lives a few (hundred) miles away from me.

DIY ABBY NCIS Costume

Deb, one of my favorite English teachers, rocked it in her garden ho costume. Her English/theater background worked well with this punny costume.

DIY Garden Ho Costume

Valerie showed up to one of our Halloween parties in this creative garb a few years back, before everyone was doing it. She already had dark hair and a good chunk of the wardrobe requirements, so this costume was a breeze for her. No one noticed that she had black chucks on (shhhh).

Flo Progressive Halloween Costume DIY

Dynamic Duos: Couples/Pairs Halloween Costumes

Ron and his best friend decided they would be the ultimate best friends for Halloween. Not that I’m a fan of these two dumb dudes, but I hear they’re pretty popular with the ladies.

Lloyd & Harry Dumb and Dumber Costumes

Our friends Ava and Mike are super awesome, and they came to our Halloween party at the apartment last year as Hawkeye and Hawkeye, which I thought was a totally fantastic couples’ costume. Right?

Hawkeye and Hawkeye
And then there was the costume set that Brian and I opted for last year. Captain Mal and Kaylee from Firefly. It wasn’t my favorite (partially because I ordered the coveralls from eBay and they did not fit the way I wanted them to…)

Captain MaL & Kaylee (3)Friends, what should Brian and I do for Halloween this year? It appears we’re going to be moving right around Halloween, so we’re strapped for time. Any suggestions? What are you going to be for Halloween?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

DIY Halloween Costume: The Bouquet Toss Winner

Happy October, Blog Friends! It is now officially acceptable for me to get excited about Halloween and BOY OH BOY am I excited for Halloween.  Of course, we won’t be throwing a Halloween party this year. And we don’t (yet) have a house to decorate for one of my favorite holidays, but big things are happening this month. Big things.

I figured I’d kick the season off this year with a little Halloween costume love.

A few years ago, whilst I was dating the bartender, I came up with the most brilliant Halloween costume, if I do say so myself. Mom and I were sitting in her room, brainstorming ideas. My mom is a BRILLIANT costume creator, so it only seemed right to run ideas back and forth with her. I was broke, out of work, and in college, so I knew I wanted to keep it cheap. I figured I had a couple of bridesmaid dresses hanging around my closet to use, so we started thinking about ideas…

The next thing I knew, I was plotting the ultimate bouquet toss winner Halloween costume. I started with the dress, which I ripped to absolute shreds. Then I bought fake nails, which I glued into the shredded dress. I saved a few of the nails, which I left to put in my hair.

On the Saturday before Halloween that year, my mom and I got to work for all the parties I was headed to. We started with my hair, spending an hour creating one of those bridesmaid-esque updos. As soon as it was finished, I pulled and tugged and messed it up. It was important work. I then stuck fake nails into the knotted mess and even a few flower petals.

I put on the dress, so Mom and I knew what skin space we were working with. We started with bruising, using a plethora of eyeshadows to create blue-gray-green bruising all over my body, including one black eye. We moved on to scratches (with all those broken nails, scratches were a must). This was accomplished with real scratches (light ones) that Mom traced with dark red lip liner to maintain them all day long.

Bouquet toss

I needed to add a smidge of fake blood, so I put one earring in, and blood coming down the other ear. I also figured a bloody nose would look pretty convincing. I finished the look with a single high heel, crutches and an ankle brace because I’m hardcore.

My then-boyfriend picked me up for our Halloween festivities in a hoodie and camo pants with a mask in his backpack. A mask that he may have put on twice throughout the entire day.

We started at a Halloween wine-tasting event at my local liquor store, where I was competing in a costume contest to win a wine refrigerator. I walked around the place, petitioning my cause and making sure that EVERYONE voted for me. If ever I had to explain what I was, I had a whole speech prepared.

“I caught the bouquet. You should see the other girls. I mean, it’s not what catching the bouquet MEANS…it’s about taking out the competition.”

I went home with a wine refrigerator that day.

Last year, at work, I thought I would revive my favorite Halloween costume of all time. I took it to a more gruesome level, and was pretty pleased with the results.

If you're looking for a creative, unique Halloween costume with an old bridesmaid dress, consider the bouquet toss winner.

I may have looked more like a zombie than a live person, but I couldn’t stop adding gore. I especially liked the knee cut. I won a contest there, too…but never received my prize…grumble grumble grumble.

Of course, the best part about this was taking the train home in costume. I looked fucking spectacular, and it wasn’t Halloween proper, so no one else on the commute was dressed up. It was kind of magical.

If you're looking for a creative, unique Halloween costume with an old bridesmaid dress, consider the bouquet toss winner.

I still don’t know what Brian and I are going to be for Halloween this year, but it’s sure to be a scream.

Blog friends, what’s the most creative costume you’ve ever come up with? Would you rip a dress to shreds to have fun with Halloween? Are you down with the gory costumes? What are you going to be for Halloween this year?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Tasty Tuesday: Gruesome Halloween Snacks

This year, I had a lot of fun with our inaugural (note how I DIDN’T say first annual) Halloween kickoff party. If you remember, I did some bad ass disgusting bathroom decor for my guests to appreciate…but I also made some sweet (and not so sweet) snacks. And you know how I looooove snacks.

Of course, we’re not the only Halloweenies in our group of friends, and our old roommates had quite the food display, as well. With their permission, I’ve included some of the gruesome Halloween treats they created. Without further ado…

When Halloween rolls around, I like to be the hostess with the mostest and show off my creative mad-scientist skills in the cauldron and make seriously creepy party food.

Cow Guts: Beef Chili

Make your own homemade chili or buy it prepackaged. Toss it in a crock pot and you’ve got an EASY and tasty treat for your guests. This was actually a huge hit!

Chicken Guts: Buffalo Chicken Dip

Mix shredded chicken (I buy a couple of rotisserie chickens from Sam’s Club because they taste better than canned chicken), Frank’s Red Hot, cream cheese, blue cheese crumbles, and ranch dressing for a really delicious treat on crackers.

Gruesome Halloween Snacks

Delicious and gruesome Halloween snack packs. You’ll note that I labeled everything so my guests could see how twisted I am. I didn’t take a picture of the two large crock pots, which are cow guts and chicken guts (beef chili and buffalo chicken dip, respectively).

Mold: Cheese

Duh. Mold is cheese. Cheese is mold. And Cheese is DELICIOUS.

Mold, Brains and more

Mold: What’s a Chrissy party without cheese?

Worms in Dirt: Brownies with Gummy Worms

A kid-friendly favorite. I had to have one. This one isn’t so gruesome as it is delicious.

Worms in Dirt

Worms in dirt anyone? Garbarge brownies with triple chocolate, caramel, butterscotch chips, white chips and dark chips. And nuts. And worms.

Brains: Jello Mold

I just used raspberry Jello in a brain-shaped Jello mold, and then added a bunch of random crap around it to add to the creepy/nasty factor. It was actually quite delicious.

Brains

Brains: A simple JELL-O mold with raspberry JELL-O, whipped cream, chocolate and strawberry sauce and sprinkles. Because everyone likes sprinkles.

Dead Man’s Toes: BBQ weenies

I used Lil Smokies and a sweet Michigan cherry BBQ sauce, because it has little baby cherries which added more creepy texture. These were easy to cook in my medium-size slow cooker.

Dead mans toes

Dead Man’s Toes: BBQ weenies. In Michigan cherry BBQ sauce. Because that’s how I roll.

Leatherface: Ham and Prosciutto

Use a Styrofoam head to add meat and olives to create a creepy looking Leatherface. Our old roommates wrapped the foam head in plastic first for easy cleanup and reusability.

Leatherface

Leatherface: Our old roommates’ creation. Ham and prosciutto with olives wrapped around a head mold. Surprisingly, I’m the only one who ate some of this guy. This girl doesn’t turn down prosciutto.

Bloody Shots: Cherry Vodka

Not much else for explanation here. Inject your mouth with vampire blood (cherry vodka). You just need to buy the plastic shot syringes. I think I’m going to try these at our next party but with something better than cherry vodka…maybe like…whiskey or something.

Shots of blood

Shots of blood: Another of the old roommates’ collection. I didn’t try this, with my aversion to fake cherry…but they used UV cherry vodka in these really cool 1.5 oz FAKE syringes.

Witches Brew: Lime Punch

This is a fan favorite. It tastes like happiness, but looks wicked. I’ve also made it in a witch’s cauldron and used a plastic glove and blue food coloring to make a blue hand of ice.

Witches Brew

Witch’s Brew: 2Liter of Diet 7up, 1/5 (that’s the entire contents of a normal size bottle) Captain Morgan Lime Bite, 1 can frozen limeade concentrate, and 1 carton of lime sherbet. You’re welcome. Also great for St. Patrick’s Day. Or any party. Because this shit is delicious.

Bashed Skull: Cream Cheese and Pepper & Onion Relish

I just used a simple, inexpensive mask that I got at Michael’s. I painted it with cream cheese and covered it with pepper and onion relish (I like the one from Harry and David the best). Serve in a glass pie plate with crackers and garnish with plastic scorpions. I also use slate labels to let my guests know what they’re eating…sort of.

Bashed Skull

Bashed Skull. I don’t know why, but no one wanted to eat this one.

What scary treats do you make for Halloween? Would you eat any of these delicacies if you showed up at my party?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Steampunk Sunday: Change it up with a Steampunk Halloween

This post is part of a sponsored post series about the steampunk lifestyle. This campaign is sponsored by Steampunk Goggles. All opinions are totally my own. 

Do you know what Steampunk is? Thanks to my partnership with SteampunkGoggles.com, you’re going to be treated to a series of delicious posts this month about Steampunk. And if I have my way…a guest post from my boyfriend. (No promises, there, kiddos. I don’t always get my way. This isn’t Burger King.)

So I’ll ask again. Do you know what Steampunk is?

I didn’t. Well…until I met my boyfriend.

Steampunk Renaissance FaireSo, I’ve always had an obsession with the Victorian era. And apparently, so has Brian. What made the two of us slightly different was that while I was reading Jane Austen and dreaming of Fitzwilliam Darcy, Brian was rocking with cool Steampunk goggles, gear and dreaming of vintage sci-fi magic. Brian was down with Steampunk. And so I learned a bit about it. And we see it in some of our annual adventures. Steampunk costumes show up during cosplay at Gen Con and Comic Cons. We even went to Steampunk Day at the Bristol Renaissance Faire! As you can see, I’ve taken it to heart.

The short form of Steampunk is this: Victorian science fiction. Or technology as imagined during the Victorian age. But the beauty of Steampunk is that unlike most genres, there isn’t a set “This. Is. Steampunk.” You’ll find thousands of variations and twists and spins. You can look to Jules Verne and H.G. Wells for inspiration, as they were front-runners in Turn of the Century science fiction.

So you’ve probably noticed that this is something of a geeky nerd culture. But it’s totally geek chic. Obviously. If I’m involved.

Kaylee Frye CostumeThe thing I love about Steampunk is the DIY/anything can be Steampunk aspect. Take my Kaylee Frye Halloween costume (Check out that Teddy Bear patch that I MADE BY. MYSELF. I’ll write about how easy that was on another day.) While Firefly isn’t truly in the realm of Steampunk, it definitely falls into the unique category (for those of you who don’t know, it’s basically Space Cowboys. Old West Meets Sci Fi.) I could quite easily make this costume unique by adding a few accessories and accents.

  • I’d start by adding some boots with buckles and other embellishments, tucking my pants into the tops of the boots to show them off. KayLee Frye and Malcolm Reynolds Costumes
  • Then, I’d need a necklace. As Kaylee is a Firefly mechanic, adding gears and other doodads wouldn’t be completely out of the question. I might even make a gear patch to add to the patches on her coveralls (which I found relatively cheap on eBay).
  • Kaylee’s a real sweetheart, so I don’t think I’d want to give her a gun, but her costume counterpart in our universe is Malcolm Reynolds, and I’d DEFINITELY give him a gun. He’s already got a sweet holster. You can find lots of DIY Steampunk guns on Pinterest.
  • Steampunk goggles would be a perfect add on for this costume, to really pull the Steampunk genre into the mix and complete the ensemble.
Steampunk-GOGGLES-STUDDED

Original art by the very talented John Garret of hypertransitory.com

Now, because I’m working with Steampunk Goggles on the kickoff of this Sunday series, I’ve got some exciting news for you. You can get your own sweet pair of goggles with a special discount (What what!) of $5 off $30 or more PLUS free shipping with the code: TRIBERR1.

Steampunk Goggles is hosting a Pinterest contest to win a sweet pair of your very own goggles! Three lucky winners  will get a pair of awesome goggles, so go enter this Pinteresting Goggles Contest!

Blog Friends, are you into Steampunk? Is this all news to you? What do you think of it? Are you down with a bit of Steampunk Sunday every now and then?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Halloween Decorations Tour

Happy Monday, Blog Friends!

I hope you had a spectacular weekend. I also hope that you, like my boyfriend, are enjoying a day off of work for Columbus Day, while I am sitting in my little cubicle staring at a computer for 9 hours. No, really. I do. I’m not bitter. Not at all.

And really, Columbus Day probably shouldn’t be a holiday…You know…considering the slaughters and overall not-coolness of the guy. Nope. Definitely not bitter.

So I’m going to take you on a tour, today! A photo tour of our Halloween decked out apartment! Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to put up our orange Halloween tree this year…but next year, we will hopefully have a house with lots of space for Halloween trees. And Christmas trees. Because…well…have you met me? (Hmmm…I guess not. But whatever. You know enough to know that I get a little crazy during the holidays.)

I started getting prepped in September. Not just because we had a Halloween Kickoff party, but also because 1. Our apartment was a complete disaster and 2. I like to enjoy the decorations for as long as possible.

We go a little creepy and a little autumn-y so that the decor can last until it’s time for Christmas music. I mean decorations. The foggy cover is because I took these pictures while the fog machine was rolling (you know, for effect.) I told you, guys…I don’t mess around.

Welcome to our apartment!TV Horror Pumpkins Pumpkins Leaves above the balcony  Bloody bathroom Stop Sign Spiderwebbed office  Pumpkin with witch's hat 2013-10-05 19.06.58

Chatchky ShelvesDeck the Games

What do you do to make Halloween special, Blog Friends?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

DIY Halloween Bathroom Decor. Or How Chrissy is SERIOUSLY Twisted: 2013 Edition

After a year and a half of getting to know me on the internet, I PROBABLY don’t have to tell you that I’m seriously messed up in the head. I probably also don’t have to tell you that I’m a smidge on the sick and twisted side. Or that I love Halloween. Or that I love fake blood and guts and scaring the crap out of people.

So it REALLY shouldn’t surprise you that when I had the opportunity—for the first time ever, as I now live in my very own apartment (that I do not own, therefore don’t have to care about quite as much)—to really go a little nuts on the Halloween decor.

After Pinteresting the heck out of Halloween for the last month (Do you follow me on Pinterest? Because you should. I pin awesome stuff), Brian and I threw a little…Halloween Kickoff Party in our tiny apartment. And by tiny, I mean big enough to fit 24 of our closest pals. Obviously.


SpiritHalloween.com
The thing that I was most excited to decorate though…was the bathroom. Most of the apartment had a fun Halloween feel to it (and I’ll take you on a photo tour soon, promise!) thanks to my Halloween-loving uncle who donated a slew of amazing Halloween-y items to us (we filled up the car with goodies!) But the bathroom…the bathroom was going to be disgusting. And amazing. And perfect.

After working in a pretty awesome haunted house…and then my stint as an extra in a horror movie (I’ll tell you about that when the movie comes out, yo!), I learned a few tricks for high quality horror. So I had a plan. I was going to turn our bathroom into something of a horror scene.

For our Halloween party, we turned our bathroom into a bloody horror scene using some items we had laying around the kitchen for realistic looking blood that was EASY to clean up.

For our Halloween party, we turned our bathroom into a bloody horror scene using some items we had laying around the kitchen for realistic looking blood that was EASY to clean up.

DIY Decorative Blood

For the blood, I picked up some corn syrup, chocolate syrup and strawberry syrup. Then I mixed them all together. The real bonus, though was the pumpkin spice coffee grounds. That’s it. Easy peasy. And it smelled AMAZING. So even though my bathroom looked disgusting, it didn’t smell like ass at all!

What do you think, guys? Twisted? Awesome? Disgusting?

Our guests told us that our bathroom was disgusting…BUT they also said that it smelled REALLY nice. And it totally did.

Cleaning up the fake blood

Everyone kept tell me that it was going to be SUCH a bitch to clean up. Because like…sticky. Oh and that we would have ants. But you know what? It wasn’t so bad.

Unfortunately, because we need to like…shower…we couldn’t keep these decs up through the season. So I went to work. I used two rolls of paper towels, an entire can of Extra Strength Scrubbing Bubbles (minus whatever I used to clean the bathroom prior to the mess), half a can of Windex Foaming Glass Cleaner, A bunch of 409 Kitchen cleaner and some Windex Bathroom Touch Up (this one, I scored from BlogHer)….

You want to know what worked best?

Warm water.

I realized, as I was breathing in all of the chemicals and choking to death, that maybe I should try just good old fashioned water, so I turned on the shower. And watched as coffee grounds and syrup melted off the walls and filled the tub. It was amazing. Even though I felt ridiculous for wasting all of the cleaning product that I wasted. Because water is awesome.

And the towel? I threw it in the washer. Piece of cake.

Shop New Halloween Decorations for 2015 via TrendyHalloween.com
What is the creepiest thing you’ve done for Halloween?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

This is Halloween: DIY Sally Skellington Costume

Halloween Costumes 2017
Every time I post a Halloween picture, thought, or idea…my mom asks, “Why aren’t you showing off your costume?!?” It’s really adorable actually. First, it’s adorable because my mom is one of my most dedicated readers. Second, it’s adorable because she’s super proud of her work. Her work, you ask? Yep. So here’s how this went down:

For Halloween, Brian and I were going to go as an old time villain and damsel in distress. But when we planned our Disneycation, it was decided that we needed costumes a little bit earlier than normal… Like September 14 early. And the costumes in question-we weren’t totally in love with. So, we started perusing the idea list. Brian had left open some tabs with Jack Skellington and Sally from Nightmare Before Christmas… (Oh right, one of my typical requirements is a ginger costume so that I have an excuse to re-dye my hair right before Halloween). It was the perfect idea. Now…to find the costume.

When I couldn't find a costume I liked, I made my own DIY Sally Skellington Costume and my boyfriend made part of his Jack Skellington Costume

I pinned a few ideas to my Sally Pinterest board…but I was unimpressed with the quality of costumes available. I wanted authenticity. So I decided that I would make my own costume. I would get a base dress, some fabric to match the patches, and sew the patches to the base dress with black yarn. Easy peasy, right? Not right. I got the dress and vintage clothes with the fabric I wanted from garage-sailing one Saturday afternoon during the summer, stopped off at my parents’ house, and got started.

15% Off Easy Costume Kits via TrendyHalloween.com

Obviously, after the needle bit my hand 3 times, and it was evident that I was doing a piss-poor job of sewing this thing…it was not going to go very far. Luckily…Mom was sitting right there…telling me, “You’re doing it all wrong. Give it to me!” I handed it off to her…and all of a sudden my project became her project. Plan successful. Mom took over. Now, my mom is hand-sew, knit, crafty, crafty genius…and despite her arthritic hands, took it upon herself to spend about 30 hours working on this masterpiece.

[caption id="attachment_1059" align="aligncenter" width="269"]When I was looking for the perfect Sally Halloween costume, I couldn't find what I wanted. So my mom and I worked together to create this DIY Sally Skellington costume. The base dress with the Sally sleeves[/caption]

Every so often, I would head over to the house for a fitting…and Mom’s work of art was beginning to take shape.

[caption id="attachment_1060" align="aligncenter" width="269"]When I was looking for the perfect Sally Halloween costume, I couldn't find what I wanted. So my mom and I worked together to create this DIY Sally Skellington costume. Looking good, right?[/caption]

So I was getting pretty stoked about this costume…and Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party. Mom stopped using the black yarn as thread and switched to multiple strands of black thread. You can sort of tell the difference, but they both look awesome, and it’s not supposed to be uniform, so it worked out REALLY well. (The regular thread made it way easier to sew.)

Finally, it was less than a week before we left for Disney…and my costume was DONE! I was ridiculously excited, even after we got skunked while packing for the trip.

[caption id="attachment_1063" align="aligncenter" width="512"]halloween at Disney Sally and Jack costumes Brian’s costume still needed a little work done before Halloween, but it worked while we were in Disney.[/caption]

Brian eventually finished his costume by wearing a suit (it was FAR too warm in Florida to wear a suit jacket and pants to wander the Magic Kingdom), making a bow tie out of a bat and a wire hanger, and getting skeleton hands.

 

[caption id="attachment_1064" align="aligncenter" width="404"]Disney magic in my DIY Sally Costume Disney Magic. *sigh*[/caption]

Note, while at Disney, we invested in a Zero! So I still needed a few things too… the boots and the stripey socks. It took me until the day of the big Halloween party (this past Saturday) to find exactly what I was looking for. But I found them. And the end result was pretty fantastic.

[caption id="attachment_1066" align="aligncenter" width="402"]Jack Skellington and Sally DIY Costumes Jack & Sally (My mom’s awesome, right?)[/caption]

Have you ever conned one of your parents into doing something you knew they would do better than you? Have you ever made your own Halloween costume because the store-bought ones just weren’t cutting it? What are you going to be for Halloween this year?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

DIY: How to Make Your Own Halloween Decor AKA Some Seriously F*ed Up Sh*t

So, in case you didn’t already know… I’m pretty sick and twisted when it comes to Halloween. From Haunted House Costumes and this awesome bouquet toss winner costume to Pinterest Gone Awesome with a Baby Eating Pumpkin, a bathroom spider den, a murder scene, and these horrifyingly creepy dolls, I’ve got some really messed up thoughts on the creepy. Last week, while perusing Pinterest for some ideas to decorate for the Halloween festivities at our house, I came across this pin:

Source: grandinroad.com via Chrissy on Pinterest

Source: grandinroad.com via Chrissy on Pinterest

First, I thought to myself, That is the coolest fucking thing I have ever seen. Then I realized, $33? Fuck that. I can make that bad ass piece of Halloween paraphernalia way cheaper.

So last night, I got the supplies together…(and spent a grand total of $8) and set out to create. My plan was: If this goes poorly, I will call the post: Pinterest Gone Wrong. If this goes well, I will call this post Some Seriously Fucked up Shit.

As you will soon see, I’m an evil genius.

The Materials the Make the Hanging Cocoon

The materials I started with: 2 long poles (I used a broomstick and a mop), a ball, a fitted bed sheet, a hanger, fake spider web, and plastic bugs.

I needed some tape, too. Luckily Brian had duct tape in his car…

Duct Tape for Halloween Decoration

Yes. In his car. Creepy?

Hanging Cocoon Man for Halloween

Tape the hanger to the ball. The hanger is your “shoulders.”

How to Make the Coolest Halloween Decorations

Tape the poles to the hanger.

Halloween Cocoon Man

Tape the poles together in the center.

Making a Cocoon Man for Halloween

Cool, right?

It was at this point that I realized I needed a few additional supplies — 3 more hangers.

Cocoon Man Hips

Use one hanger for the hips.

Cocoon Man for Halloween

Reinforce the head.

Hanging Cocoon Man

Add the Shoulders (2 additional hangers).

Halloween Mummy Decoration

Wrap the body like a mummy.

Brian made a suggestion that we add a pillow to the body. Since we have a plethora of pillows…this seemed like a brilliant plan. So, I ran and got one.

The Hanging Mummy

Tape the pillow to the poles

Making a Hanging Mummy

Re-wrap the cocoon.

Spider Web Wrapped Cocoon

Wrap the cocoon in spider webbing.

Hanging the Corpse

We used these bungee cables.

I realized we needed something to hang the mummy, and Brian had these in his car, too…hmmmm…

Hanging Mummy

Hang the mummy.

Adding to the Hanging Cocoon

We’re going to cover that entire area in spiderwebbing…Like so. And people will be scared. Like so.

Hanging Cocoon Man

Put on the finishing Touches-the death bugs…not unlike Death Bug.

Brian is terrified of this. He thinks I am completely sick and twisted. He is right.

I made a homemade hanging mummy cocoon wrapped in spider webs and hung it from the banister in the stairwell for our Halloween Party

What creepy-ass shit do you do for Halloween?

Shop New Halloween Decorations for 2015 via TrendyHalloween.com

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

The Joy of Haunted Houses and Halloween

I love love love Halloween. It’s THE ultimate holiday. It’s the fourth family holiday, you know. Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, Halloween. My aunt in North Carolina actually flies into Chicago for this, above all other holidays. It’s the best. I’ve had my fair share of Halloween costumes, many of which were homemade or half homemade.

Haunted House Costumes Galore

This is the first in a series of photo posts in honor of my favorite holiday.

Crazy Haunted House Costume Numbers Clown

I used to volunteer at a haunted house…

In fact, this is how I managed to survive student teaching. I’ve said it was the hardest thing I ever did in my life, but it got a little crazy, considering I was president of my local Jaycee chapter, who ran a haunted house. One of the most hectic times of my life–I escaped into the costumed crazy of Suzzee, my haunted house character with character.

She started out because I love acting the crazy part.

 

Crazy Haunted House Costume 2

This is Suzzee at the very early stages

Crazy Haunted House Costume with Teased Hair

Check out that hair!

As I’ve had some experience in the world of haunted houses, I’ve decided to share with you the secrets to haunted houses. This is what to prepare for.

The Five Types of Haunted House Scares

The Standard Scare

This scare revolves around the things that typically scare…Spooky atmosphere. Scary music. Dark hallways. Traditional monsters. Dead people.This is the easy scare. Mostly scares little ones…

Redneck Monster Haunted House Costume

My redneck monster

Dead Haunted House Character

Dead

Haunted House Costume

My audition photo for The Walking Dead. What do you think?

The Boo! Scare

This scare is the most common. The jump-out-of-a-hidey-spot scare. The rah! scare. The scare they’re expecting, but not expecting…If you’re going through a haunted house, expect this when you least expect it. And when you most expect it. Just be ready for it everywhere.

Haunted House Creepy Little Girl

Suzzee started taking shape. She was a little girl who got into mommy’s makeup, but she was crazy. She was sweet, but mean. Friendly, but nasty. Quiet, but loud…When you least expected it, she was there–screaming in your face…

The Grotesque Scare

As you can see in the photo above, I wasn’t opposed to covering myself in fake blood. (corn syrup and food coloring) The grotesque scare feeds on the fear factor of humans. I’ll bet you never thought about how gross watching someone masticate is… I took every opportunity to chew in people’s faces.

Haunted House Crazy Girl

That red candy was a gummy heart with red liquid candy…it was like eating a heart covered in blood…and I was absolutely disgusting while I did it… I also used gummy finger fries in bloody ketchup…

Haunted House Characters

Suzzee was caught by the popo and stuck behind bars for a while…That pink bunny had a squeaker in it…and was stuffed with cotton candy…which I pulled out and ate in front of people. They really thought I was eating the cotton…

Haunted House Costume Fun

Told you.

The Personal Space Scare

This scare is easy. Walk up to someone who looks scared…stand close enough that you’re just barely touching them (without touching them). Get your face in their face. Sniff them. Smile at them. Scowl at them. Or even better…Scream in their face when they start laughing at you. All of these things are allowed in a haunted house!

Crazy Haunted House Halloween Costume

Suzzee had no problem walking up to people and crowding their personal space. Often.

The Mind-Fuck Scare

There really was no other way to describe this type of scare. It’s the scare that leaves you with nightmares. It’s the scare that makes you unforgettable to teeny bopper radio DJ’s (Yes, that’s right…I ran into them at the car show 5 months later looking normal…Guess what? They still remembered me. They told me they were still having nightmares about my character. It was the greatest compliment. Ever.) I’ve got a super creepy monotonous singing voice that I bust out for haunted housing… I can stare at the same spot for 5 minutes straight…It’s pretty fun.

Haunted House Creepy Character

Creepy right? MIND-FUCK

So Suzzee was the best…Because she encompassed ALL of the scares. An all-around mind-fuck who did and said whatever she wanted.It was great, because I had to be in character at all times. So instead of being the responsible president or the responsible student. Or the responsible teacher… I could just be Suzzee. And life was fun.

When I grow up, I want to be an actress.

 

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!