Archives for October 2012

Death Bug AKA: How I Almost Died Last Night

So last night I had something terrifying happen. Not like Surrounded by Zombies and Stupid People Scary (a la Walking Dead), but Giant Bug is Going to Kill Me in My Sleep Scary.

Giant Bug Fell on Computer

I wished that I had had the foresight to take pictures of the bug while it was there…

This evening, I tried to kill a GIANT bug with a Kleenex Box. I thought that I got it, but it fell from the wall to Brian’s computer…so I tried to get it off…But then it disappeared. I found it on the floor, and thought…I will wait until Brian gets home to dispose of it.

I went back to making chili.

Homemade Chili

Turkey Vegetable Chili. 🙂

I came back 10 minutes later and it was gone. I thought to myself, Chrissy…that evil bug is going to hunt you down in your sleep.

No bug on the floor

So I looked around for it… and it was high up on the wall…

The bug on the wall

Apparently I did not so much as injure this evil beast and I was not going to risk my life to try killing it, again. But I was definitely going to keep an eye on it. About 20 minutes later, I noted that it was WAY high up in the stairwell wall…

High up On the WallAt this point, I was freaked out. This beast really was headed for my bed. I hope Brian gets home soon…

So I went back to the chili… and decided that I was going to take pictures of this bug… which is how I ended up with the empty stairwell wall (the first pic I took, of course).

And it was gone! I looked around, and just to my right…on the stairs was this evil bug staring at me.

Chrissy and the Death Bug

This is as realistic as last night’s photo shoot got…

So I got up close and personal and took a picture of my arch-nemesis of the evening…

Up Close with Death Bug

Death Bug.

Death Bug's Path to My Room

Luckily for Brian and I, Death Bug had a difficult time maneuvering through Dexter fur on this ledge dealie

So I hoped and hoped and hoped that Brian would come home and kill Death Bug sooner rather than later…

I went back to Twitter and Facebook and Blog…and continued to watch Death Bug attempt to climb the stair ledge. After 20 minutes of this, I went back to the kitchen to check on chili…I came back…and again, Death Bug was gone.

So I scrambled up to my room, careful not to get near Death Bug. Searching. Not in the bathroom. Not in my room.

I should have killed it when I had the chance… it’s probably better this way…if you can’t find him, you won’t kill him. You don’t need another insecticide on your hands, Christine.

Not in the hall. Not on the wall…

Oh Crap. What if Death Bug is under my bed already? I’m going to die. Death Bug is going to crawl up my nose and eat my brains like a zombie bug.

I continued my search for Death Bug throughout the house.

What if Death Bug wants to contaminate the chili!??!

And so I ran to the kitchen, and there was Death Bug…racing toward my chili. Well, I certainly couldn’t let Death Bug poison my chili… especially after last time–when I went to go buy pazcki on Pazcki Day and accidentally left the chili to burn in the 40 minutes it took me to buy Polish donuts…Burnt chili is not delicious. And it was a HUGE batch. Anyways…

Death Bug in the Kitchen

Going after my chili!

So, with Death Bug being on the floor, I took the opportunity to throw on some shoes and smash the little bugger to smithereens. So much for not killing it.

Update: That night, Brian got home late. Like 1 AM late. So it’s a good thing that I took matters into my own hands and killed death bug. Or. So. I. Thought.

At about 3 AM, Brian woke up and panicked majorly…He saw something hovering/crawling/flying above him. A huge bug. I sat up and reached for him, thinking he was sleeping…and he yelled, “No! Don’t move; it’s right there!”

Apparently, death bug was, in fact, trying to kill us in our sleep. And I had only killed one of an army of death bugs. The next morning? One right outside the garage. Death bug. Evil death bug.

What buggy experiences have you had lately? Anything tried to kill you in your sleep?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

It’s UnAmerican…to go to Wisconsin and Leave Without Cheese AKA Gratuitous Cheese Photos

Last week, Brian and I trekked up to Wisconsin for a funeral. It was there that we celebrated the life of his aunt, and I met the rest of the fam.

Of course, just because it was a somber trip, did not mean that we wouldn’t be stopping before crossing the border for delicious, creamy, stinky, tasty Wisconsin-made cheese. Twice. If you know anything about me, you should know my love of cheese has even been a semi-paid gig

Love Cheese

Bobby Nelson’s Cheese Shop

If you aren’t a Midwesterner, I’m sorry. You just don’t get it. Wisconsin, as a state, may not be my favorite. They may not treat their teachers with all due respect. They may have the most hated football team in the Chicagoland area. They may have some really really mean police officers…who hate people from Illinois…and give out very expensive speeding tickets… But they’ve got one hell of a stock of cheese. And for that I thank the big man upstairs. Every. Single. Day…that and the fact that I live within driving distance of the world’s greatest (or at least biggest) cheese supply.

Wisconsin Cheese Shops!

Oh yeah!

Now don’t get me wrong. I love imported cheese. I don’t discriminate. Ever. Except for Chimay. Because that cheese was not delicious at all. I love cheese from all over the country, and all over the world. Asking me to pick a favorite would be like asking a mom to pick her favorite child. It’s just wrong. (Don’t worry Trader Joe’s Chocolate Cheddar, you know Mommy loves you.)

Cheese as a gift

My roommate left this in the fridge for me as a belated birthday gift. FOR THE WIN!

But when I go to Wisconsin, I buy a TON of Wisconsin cheese. This was one of my biggest gripes with The Mars Cheese Castle (of its-own-highway-sign-fame). Lots of cheese that I can get at my local grocery store in Chicago. I don’t want to see brand names from around the world. I want to see Wisconsin-made cheese. I want to see an entire wall dedicated to Carr Valley. *drool* Additionally, when you hear of a cheese castle with a restaurant inside, you’re thinking to yourself, Oh God, Mecca. But really, it’s just a deli. A deli!

Cheese Castle

They DO have a hearty selection of cheese… I have to give them mad props for that… But they relabel a lot…so I don’t know where the delicious cheese comes from…which is bad for my Google Doc.

A few months ago, I wrote a less than stellar review of the castle, and the manager/bartender/son of the owner sent me a really nasty not-so-private-message about it. I thought about being a bitch and correcting his grammar, but instead decided to respond as politely (and privately) as I could. He offered to make my next visit spectacular. It was okay. I’ve been back a few times. They do have a decent (OK massive) selection of cheese, so I boosted my review after going in there with zero expectations of grandeur. (But *secretly* I’m still not a huge fan. The sample bins are always visible, but always empty! Don’t tease me with cheese samples! And though he finally thanked me for the review update, I’m still grudgin’ on the meanie message.)

Bobby Nelson's Cheese Shop

A cute little shop of joy-Bobby Nelson’s

Cheese Behind the Counter

Bobby Nelson’s Magic Cheese Display

I also checked out Bobby Nelson’s on this trip, considering they’re right next to each other. They had DELICIOUS MEAT. Like serious meat candy. They had a nice selection of cheeses, but the layout was not my fave. It was a tiny shop and everything was behind the counter…and again–limited on the sampling.

Smorgasboard

Those heavenly circles of meat candy=Bobby Nelson’s. The meat in the middle= Trader Joe’s. Check out all the pretty cheese! From noon-6, Menage, Capriko, Red Dragon, & Mobay

Just over the border, I still prefer Tim & Tom’s for all of my cheese needs. Brian wouldn’t allow 3 cheese stops in one trip (and by that I mean, Brian was exhausted and wearing a suit and didn’t have the foresight to bring sweat pants to change into like I did…), so we high-tailed it back to Illinois without stopping at my official favorite Southeast Wisconsin cheese mecca.

Yes, Please

Don’t mind if I do!

Tim & Tom's Cheese Shop

Awwww yeah!

Cheese is good

Now that’s a cheese shop! (And our friends’ son’s stuffed lamb, which we kidnapped. And took to Wisconsin).

And so, friends. I leave you with this: IF you are ever in Wisconsin, and don’t bring me back cheese get cheese, you will not live happily ever after you’re crazy.

If you haven’t already–Enter my free giveaway because it’s awesome and I said so.

 

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Chrissy’s Favorite Things!

Yesterday, I posted on Facebook, “I’m rich!” and left for work. I received the following comments-unedited thankyouverymuch:

A friend’s hubs: “share?”
Penny’s dad: “Lotto? Find a $20 in your winter coat pocket? Enquiring minds…”
A friend: “I guess payday.”
Mama Missy’s Mama: “I’m guessing it is not money!”
Molly: “PAYDAY!!!!”
My aunt: “Remember poor old Aunt Nanette and Uncle Gary…lol. Seriously, what’s up?
A friend: “Yay!”
A friend: “Say it like Chappelle!”

Obviously, the hype was because after 6 months of unemployment and 3 months of hourly wages, I finally received a nice chunk of change dumped into my bank account…you know, one that I don’t have to pay back to the Department of Education.

In honor of my very first pay day from my new job, I’ve decided to share the love/wealth and host my very first giveaway! (Don’t worry, Mom…I promise it’s not going to break the bank).

As a blogger who feels like she finally entered the blogosphere, I’ve gotten involved. I participated in my first “secret admirer” swap (and got a sweet scarf, to boot!), I’ve received and passed on sweet chain-like-but-wonderful-awards, and I’m even participating in a blogger reading event called Project Fairy Tale. Blogging seems to be a really great outlet for me to tell my story, and I’m having the time of my life doing it. I decided it’s time to play the giveaway game.

The rules of Chrissy’s Giveaway Extravaganza

This giveaway will include a few Chrissyssentials. What are they you ask? I’ve got a list. Brian knows what’s on the list. You do not. They are my favorite things.

  • Leave a comment with a guess or multiple guesses of what you think the prize(s) will be (Hint: reading my blog gives a lot away)
  • For commenting, you get one entry into the random drawing
  • For guessing correctly, you get one entry into the random drawing per correct guess
  • For tweeting this post (with @chrissawoj) you get a bonus entry into the random drawing
  • Double bonus entry: If you’re a reader with any sort of regularity, you know that I love personal photo shoots. Tweet @Chrissawoj or e-mail Chrissawoj @ gmail with a pic showing me how much you want to win (NOTE: In doing so, you are giving me the right to post your pic on my blog with my own commentary. I promise I’m nice…just a little sassy…)
  • Commenting and Tweeting ends on Friday
  • Winner will be drawn this weekend
  • Results posted on Monday (at which time, the winner and I will need to chat so I can send the goods!)
This is my giveaway winner pose

This is my I want to win a prize look…

Who’s excited?!?

What do YOU think is in the goodie bag?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Fall Swap: I Love Real Mail

Greetings friends!

This weekend, my mom called to inform me that a package had arrived. Excitement to the max ensued, as I was sure that my fall swap gift had arrived!

Mail!

Mail for Chrissy!

What is a fall swap gift, you ask? Well, allow me to explain. The delightful Joules, over at Pocketful of Joules, began a Secret Santa-esque fun activity for bloggers. I found out about it, and thought how fun it would be to play with other bloggers, and joined up. You can read more about the Fall Swap on Joules’ site.

Excitedly, I opened the packaged. A lovely note in an envelope was enclosed:

A note

How cute, right?

So I dive deeper into the box to discover an adorable scarf! Brightly colored, and it looks to be handmade (which is freakin’ awesome!), I love it.

crocheted scarf

Brightly colored and adorable crocheted scarf

(OK, so Mom said it was crocheted and she was really impressed. I think it’s super quirky and fun, so I am equally as impressed!) Obvi, it was necessary to provide my loyal readers with a photo shoot. I considered putting on a really cute outfit to be all matchy matchy…but that just isn’t my style…sort of.

Modeling my new scarf

Modeling my new scarf

Cute Scarf

So Cute!

At this time, I really have to give mad props to Brian for putting up with me and my frequent photo shoots…which seem to becoming more of a thing with me. He almost always does it with a smile on his face (OK, usually he’s laughing at my ridiculous-ness.) Sometimes he vetoes photos, but this time he said that I could put them all up.

Check out my new scarf

Check out my new scarf! The traditional Chrissy-pose…

Can I copyright a pose? This one’s my favorite.

Love my scarf

I seriously love scarves

So my “secret fall swap blogger buddy” likely doesn’t know me too well, but she totally hit it on the head with a scarf. As we haven’t gotten too far into the cold weather here, I haven’t had the opportunity to rave on my love of scarves. I have a bazillion brightly colored joyous strings of fabric that wrap delicately carelessly fabulously around my neck throughout the fall and winter. I may not wear a coat, but you bet your ass I’ve got a scarf on!

Well played, “secret fall swap blogger buddy,” well played.

On that note, I’m supposed to guess who my secret buddy is…

I’ve decided that it is most definitely the brains behind Chewylicious, who writes a fun blog about all sorts of stuff! She crochets a lot, loves games, experiments with some unique cooking, and so much more. So, with my official guess, I’d like to send a humongous thank you to her for the lovely gift.

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Confession Friday: My Jealousy Complex Leads to the Project: Fairy Tales

Yes, it’s true. I have a jealousy complex. Honestly, I think that most people do…

I’ve always been a little bit jealous of the majority of my pals (I mean, they all have qualities that I admire–that’s why they’re my pals!), jealous of girls who are skinnier than me, prettier than me, taller than me, shorter than me, have more money than me, are smarter than me…you get the point. Jealousy. It’s a problem.

I love my best friend with all my heart. Alas, I am just slightly jealous of her brilliance (and her adorableness, and her amazing-ness). My favorite Word Worm over at Words for Worms proclaimed yesterday that she was participating in a super cool reader-blog-dealie… in which everyone reads a fairy tale of their choosing and then reads other versions/modernized versions of said fairy tale and discusses them in future blog posts (sometime in early 2013).

Obviously, I wanted to play. I realize that I am not a book blog. Or a reader blog. But I love reading. In fact, I have several posts dedicated to books. OK. I have two posts dedicated to books. But still… you get it.

Luckily for me, in her post, she directed me, just as I shall direct you to Project: Fairy Tale if you, too, would like to be as cool as the other readers and writers and play the fairy tale game.

The rules for said game are simple: Choose fairy tale. Read fairy tale. Read 3 like-stories. Write. Write. Write. Write. Excitement! I happen to have just the book for the assignment!

Classic Fairy Tales

I knew this book would come in handy one day!

So, I made my way over to the Project: Fairy Tale page, perused the already chosen stories, and decided on Rumpelstiltskin.

Rumpelstiltskin Fairy Tale

I’ve always been a fan

As Rumpel is my favorite character on Once Upon a Time, and it was one of my favorite Faerie Tale Theatre episodes starring Shelly Duvall, I got super stoked to look into his tale a little deeper…and find more stories like his.Wikipedia gave me a few suggestions, but I’m going to try to find some more.

So I’m pumped! I’ve already got a bazillion fairy tale esque blog post ideas brewing in my brain. The month this blog circle goes live is going to be so so fun.

From slightly feigned/slightly real jealousy to fun with fairy tales…does that mean a happy ending?

 

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Man-Wife’s Bitch Finds Someone New

Maybe that title was a little much. It’s not that I’m angry. Or jealous. I mean… it all worked out, right?

As this is the second in a to-be-continued…we can also call this “The Bartender- Part II.” But let’s be honest. My original title is way better. (And the security in my current relationship allows me to write about those feelings which I no longer feel).

After many months of dating, and not an ounce of jealousy on my end (which was relatively unusual for Chrissy…just wait until I tell you about “the crazy years” I don’t think Brian’s ready for that…), The Bartender went back to school for the fall semester. Things were supposedly progressing quite nicely…he had planned his schedule around mine, so that we could have more time to go out and spend together.

It was then that I started hearing about Kirsten (Keer-sten), which I think is the dumbest name on the planet. (I’m really sorry if you are reading this and your name is Kirsten. You probably think Chrissy is a dumb name. Which is okay… Meanie.)

Kirsten’s family had season tickets to the Bears, just like Mom’s friend has season tickets to the Bears. They apparently bonded over the fact that they were both going to the pre-season game that I was taking The Bartender to. As if you couldn’t already tell, I was a little jealous. But not a lot.

For his birthday, I took The Bartender to a Blackhawk’s game. Where we ran into Dennis Savard on our way to our seats. It was really fuckin’ cool.

But shortly after his birthday, The Bartender started getting weird. He was a little more distant and I could tell something was up. So we talked about it. And he wasn’t sure. About the us thing. He told me that I seemed so sure and he just wasn’t. I told him, truthfully, that I wasn’t sure either, but that getting there was part of the fun. At the time, I couldn’t imagine going through the dating scene again.

So, I fought. I fought for him, even though I hated the way he gambled. I hated the way he always chose Man-Wife. I hated that he almost never seemed to have anything interesting to say. I hated that he never listened to me when I offered help or made suggestions. I hated that he wouldn’t accept academic help from my physical therapist friends (his chosen future profession). I hated the way he got super pissed (like scary mad) when I kicked his ass at Scrabble. I hated his obnoxious commentary on the Cubs, just to piss me off. I hated that all of his conversations went back to horse races or gambling boats. I hated that he never wanted to just hang out and snuggle. I hated that I felt like I was so much smarter than him.

Then a few months later…(while I was treating him to a fancy pants dinner that the secret shopping company was paying me to eat) The Bartender told me that he might be able to buy tickets to the Packers/Bears game. Oooohh! Exciting! Oh…right…and that he wouldn’t be taking me.

He was going to buy them to take Man-Wife.

WTF?

He was going to buy them from Kirsten.

WTF?

So I got a little upset. Though I was reasonable. And the subject was moot, because he wasn’t sure.

A week later, I excitedly told The Bartender that I was getting FREE Bears/Packers tickets.

He still bought tickets from Kirsten. He still planned to go with Man-Wife. This time, I was not reasonable. I was really fuckin’ pissed, and sad, and upset, and confused, and bewildered, and a million other things that I didn’t even know how to verbalize.

After a pretty hefty fight, The Bartender finally agreed to give Man-Wife and his brother the tickets as an early Christmas present and attend the game with me.

It was at that game that I discovered several things:

1. Tiny little Kirsten and her tiny little girlfriend, both wearing pink Bears clothes (ICK), were also in the seats. Apparently, The Bartender was not only fighting with me to pay to see a game with Man-Wife…he wanted to pay to see the game with Kiiiiirsten.

2. Kirsten’s seats were just a few rows away from the seats I frequent. (This would later become a problem.)

3. I hated Kirsten.

Less than a month after that encounter…Just two days after New Year’s… (The New Year’s that my boyfriend refused to request off to spend with me)…My boyfriend dumped me. I should have known based on the fact that my boyfriend of almost a year gave me a DVD for Christmas…(and gave my parents an autographed baseball). But I didn’t. I had no clue.

But he did. And I was…surprisingly okay. I cried some. I drank a lot. I escaped to Peoria to spend time with my lovies. But for the first time in my relationship life, I was okay within a week. The crying just…stopped. Easily. It was like I knew all along that he wasn’t the one.

Being Dumped Didn't Stop Me From Rockin' Out

And it wasn’t totally easy… I mean, I still got super panicky going anywhere near The Bartender or his place of employment. Like physically ill panicky. It was bad. And when I had to watch the Bartender and pink-clad Kirsten making out at several of the following season’s Bears games, I was less than thrilled.

But when I think I saw The Bartender a few weeks ago, I was fine. (I could barely tell if it was him. But I think it was.)

Of course, I’m of the belief that everything happens for a reason. If it weren’t for The Bartender, I wouldn’t have felt that I was worthy of the amazing-ness that is Brian. I would never in a million years thought that I was good enough for him. But I learned from The Bartender that I needed someone smarter than me (OK, just as smart, but in different ways). Someone who liked nerdy things. Someone who would think my quirks were adorable. Someone who had endearing quirks. Someone who I could love unconditionally. Someone who just…got it. Got me.

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

The Bartender

Good morning friends (I figure if you’re reading my shit, we’re buds now, right?) We’ve been playing this oh-so-fun Chrissy’s life blog for a while now… It’s time I started telling you about boys. I think I’ll work backwards and start with my last real relationship before Brian.

Let me preface this by telling you about my state of mind when I met The Bartender(Please see my post about nicknames). I had just left my full time job as a catering manager to pursue a master’s degree in education. I was on the verge of claiming bankruptcy, I lived at home with my parents, I had no job, no money, and didn’t exactly feel “on top of the world.”

I met The Bartender at a Jaycees event, where he was bartending. We flirted all afternoon, and he seemed so adorable, I couldn’t help myself. The fact that he was flirting with me, even though I was covered in chili and wearing a hoodie…spoke volumes.

When I met the bartender

I’m pretty sure I hadn’t washed my hair in a few days, either…

The day I met my ex-boyfriend

You can’t see it, but there’s a HUGE chili stain on that hoodie…

I walked up to the bar with a plan. My bestie, Lily, and another friend, Ana, were there at the far end of the bar cheering me on. I strutted my bravado over to the bar and called The Bartender over. He asked if I wanted another pitcher, but instead of replying, (mostly, because if I didn’t do it immediately, I would lose all balls) I shook my head “no,” and used my favorite pick-up line at the time, “So,” insert the most sickeningly sweet, unbelievably adorable, irresistible smile “If I gave you my number, would you call me?”

Now, I’ve used this line, dozens of times…and to be perfectly honest, this is the ONLY time it worked and the guy actually called. We chatted. We flirted. He asked me on a date. It was kind of cute.

I dated The Bartender for a little under a year. But I knew for the better part of that year that I was, in fact, settling. As evident by the fact that I am no longer with The Bartender, it all worked out as it was supposed to. But at the time, I really would have stayed with him, for fear of never finding someone else to love me.

Except that…my quirks weren’t adorable. They were annoying. His quirks weren’t endearing. They were ridiculous.

The Bartender lived in this weirdly fucked up situation that I didn’t quite understand at first. He was in his early 30’s working towards his bachelor’s degree and bartending. So we were both in school. We were both poor. I lived at home with my parents…

He lived at someone’s home with that someone’s parents. Who? You might ask… Well I called him Man-Wife. Man-Wife was an older gentleman…I never discovered Man-Wife’s age, but for all intents and purposes, let’s say he was in his early to mid 40’s. Man-Wife and The Bartender shared a room. Two queen sized beds in one grown up room. I should have run screaming. But The Bartender was nice. And I needed a little nice in my life.

The Bartender was a sports fan (Bears, Blackhawks), but he was also a Cubs fan. This, I’ve discovered, tends to be a deal-breaker. It would have been fine, if The Bartender had ceased the obnoxious ranting on and on with stats about the Cubs. I couldn’t have cared less.

Now, the bartender was also a Bears fan… I even took him to his very first game. Lucky Bartender. He bought me a Bears jersey for my birthday. My first real-ish (non-Walmart) jersey. Of course, he informed me later that the only reason he could afford that fancy pants present was because he had won big at the boat. This was not endearing to me.

I really don’t like gambling. I went through a brief phase in my life in which I would spend a few dollars at the boat in order to procure free hotel rooms in Peoria. This seemed reasonable. But if I lost money, I was always very mad at myself…and I missed the shoes that I could have bought with that money.

Man-Wife loved gambling. Man-Wife, his mom, his dad, his brother, and The Bartender all loved gambling. That was their thing.

That and being crazy. The Bartender let Man-Wife and family dominate his world. This is probably a testament of The Bartender and I not being right for each other, but if The Bartender and I tried to make plans or he wasn’t going to be home when he said he was, he would have to call for permission. And sometimes Man-Wife would bitch at him for being late. For not coming home to cook dinner. For not going grocery shopping as a family.

Man-Wife. Noooo thank you.

The Bartender lasted for a good percentage of my adult life to date…so he warrants a two-part story…

To be continued… The Bartender Part II

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

If I Had a Million Dollars

All this talk about winning a million dollars from McDonald’s Monopoly has got me thinking… What would I do with a million dollars?

Well, the smart thing would be to put it into some type of trust in which I live off the interest…But let’s be honest… this post wouldn’t be any fun that way.

If I had a million dollars–I’d be responsible and pay off my car/super minimal credit debit (which mostly revolves around an obsession with Victoria’s Secret sweat pants and free gifts).

I’d sell the car I just paid off…because it’s bad luck as evident… oh wait I haven’t posted any of the Jelliebean Car stories yet…

I’d buy a new car to replace the one I just sold.

My Future Pink Car

To be specific, I’d buy this car.

I’d buy a cute little house with cash…and save some money for my first few years of taxes…

I’d give my parents and brother money (he doesn’t have babies–so he gets $$ outright). I’d set up some type of CD or trust for my sister’s children and my cousin’s children for college.

I’d donate chunks of money to the following organizations: The American Cancer Society, The Make-A-Wish Foundation, The National MS Society, and Autism Speaks.

I’d donate money to my Alma Mater, Bradley University, on the condition that they use it to start a football team. I’d pay off my student loans.

I’d go on the following vacations with my man: Wine Country, European Tour, Relaxing Irish Vacation, Australia, & Rio 2016 Olympics.

I’d buy the following small, but pricey items: a fancy TV, a fancy phone, a fancy Keurig, a fancy laptop, and a really amazing squishy couch to put in my new house.

I’d let Brian quit his job and live off my resources for a little while (it’s only fair right?) but then he’d have to go get a new job eventually…one that he loves a whole lot.

Or he could work at the Cheese Shop I’m going to buy. and open. and run. Mmmm cheese…. and the Cheesy restaurant that goes with it. “Cheese with Whine” I’m thinking sassy servers in an elegant dining atmosphere. Top notch service with an extra side of sass. And lots of cheese. Fucking everything will have cheese in or on it.

OOh! Speaking of restaurants, I’d spend like a thousand dollars on one ridiculously fancy dinner.

What? You think I spent more than a million dollars? *sigh* Winning is tough work.

I guess I’d have to keep my job.

 

 

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Confession Friday: I’m a Bedtime Bully

It’s true. I’ve gotten in fights in my sleep. Multiple times.

When I was about 9 or 10, 3 of us were sharing a bed. Sleeping staggered. The girl who was sleeping directly next to me heard me, in the middle of the night, say, “Oh no you don’t!”

This may not sound like a fight…but when I woke up with a little bruise on my arm, and the girl whose feet were near me shoulder woke up with a bruise the size of Texas, we did the math…whoops!

Another time, when my cousin, sister, and I were having a slumber party, I was always the first to fall asleep. I like my sleep. But I woke up one night, and started yelling at them. “Where’s my pen!?!? I know you have it! Where is it?!?!” I swear I’m not crazy… I was just dreaming.

When Brian and I first started dating, I talked in my sleep a lot. I would have whole conversations that didn’t make a whole lot of sense. I don’t do that anymore, but I do occasionally still punch him in my sleep. Which wakes us both up. I don’t mean to do it…but my hand will somehow end up on his head or chest, which terrifies him to awake mode, and in a panic he calls out and wakes me up in a panic. It’s mostly a big ole mess.

Not only do I start fights, but I also steal covers. Anyone who has ever shared a bed with me knows this. My girlfriends can all attest to my bedtime bully tendencies. Brian and I usually have our own set over covers so that neither of us end up shivering…

And of course, that’s still not all…I’ve accidentally pushed people out of bed in my sleep. Clearly it wasn’t intentional, but still rather unpleasant all the same.

I don’t mean to beat up on the sleeping…I mean…I’ve even had my own fair share of falls out of bed. (One time I woke up in a pile of comforters chewing on my blankie.)

But you know what? I blame the badger face. (The badger face is this horrible face that I make when I sleep.) People are always so judgmental of the badger face that sleep induced Chrissy is worried that everyone is secretly judging her in her sleep. Which obviously, they are. Jerks.

So I’m a bedtime bully.

 

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

I Was on Pinterest Before it Was Cool

No seriously. I was.

I’ll bet you joined Pinterest just before Christmas…Maybe you joined in January, after the holiday excitement settled down. Or maybe you just started pinning about 3-4 months ago. But not me.

I joined when the only friend I had on there was the friend that recommended I check it out. (Thanks, Molly!) Then I made Penny get on it. But there we were on it before it was big. Before it was crazy. Before it was cool.

This is my Pinniversary, so I thought that I would share my favorite things that came from Pinterest. I used Pinterest for Halloween last year. It was perfect!

In order to find the perfect Halloween costume, I pinned everything I could. I’m of the making-your-own-costume-is-better school of thought, but my version of making is scissors and hot glue. I don’t sew. Not my style. So Poison Ivy was my plan…

This is what I came up with:

Poison Ivy Makeup

OK, so the makeup was professionally done by an amazing costume company in Batavia, IL called All Dressed Up (I’m not that much of a genius…the chick literally GLUED glitter to my lips. It was awesome.) She painted the ivy on my face using face paint, glitter and glue (including my glitter glued eyelids). She then glued the ivy to my face with the glue as well.

More makeup

After I decided that I was going to be Poison Ivy, I told Brian that he could be any Batman Bad Guy that he wanted. He opted for Ras Al Ghul. He got a green cloak, added gold accents and shaved his beard all funny. It was awesome.

Poison Ivy and Ras Al Ghul

For the Poison Ivy costume, I took a velvet dress I found at a thrift store and cut the neck down to something borderline inappropriate and trimmed the sleeves (which I used as leg warmers). Then I individually glued fake ivy leaves (also acquired at thrift stores) all along the edges of the dress and spiraled them up and around the back.

For my accessories, I glued sprigs of ivy to a headband so I would have ivy in my hair, I glued a piece of ivy to a cheap necklace, and then I individually glued ivy leaves all around a pair of pointy toed pumps. I bought the plus size green tights and almost called it a day…when I realized I had a green purse that would be perfect with ivy glued all around it as well. To this day, this was one of my favorite costumes.

Poison Ivy and Satan

With Cletus. Check out my shoes!

The poison ivy costume maybe cost me $15… and about 20 hours of manual labor. Yes, I individually glued on all of those leaves. On the dress, on the shoes (those shoes were BLUE), even on a purse. The shoes and purse were my pride and joy–I still have the whole thing.  I was pretty impressed with myself. (OK, I’m usually pretty impressed with myself…but other people were impressed too!)

So there you have it, my Pincreations from the days before Pinning was a thing. From the days when I actually had to Google shit to put it ON Pinterest. (Yes, most of my original pins were pinned from Google images. You’re welcome.) So thanks to me, Poison Ivy Costume Hunters can have a great Halloween.

What are your favorite things to pin on Pinterest?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!