Weird Fears. Please Tell Me I’m Not Alone.

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I have a lot of ridiculous fears…

I mean there’s the standard brontophobia (thunderstorms, people, NOT dinosaurs.) which I’ve gotten better at over the years…

And the zombie apocalypse fear (Brian and I have zombie discussions somewhat regularly…and they always end with me saying, “you know…I REALLY don’t want the zombie apocalypse to happen.” And then Brian tries to bite my arm. Or I try to bite Brian’s arm. One of those.)

But what about the strange fears that you’re afraid to admit to? I’ve got lots. I promise they get funnier as we work our way down the list. Bear with me. Or is it bare with me?

OK, so I’ve already admitted my fear of having MS which seriously sprung from watching the Annette Funicello Story on TV. And the ridiculous number of people that I have known in my life who have or have had MS. Seriously. Crazy. Fear.

Then there’s the fear that I’ll be unable to produce offspring. I know that this isn’t something I’m trying to make happen right now…but I’ve always had a fear that I wouldn’t be able to make babies. And that makes me sad.

I have this ridiculously unhealthy fear of botulism. Ever since taking the food sanitation class when I was a catering manager…I have a horrible fear of botulism. Reheated onions? NO THANK YOU.

Who else has a fear of deer? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? I clam up and get panicky when I so much as see a deer. Brian isn’t allowed to send me pictures of deer. Ever. Because they terrify me. A lot. Ever since one decided to commit suicide by slamming into my car I hate them. And get sad for them. But mostly I’m afraid of them. And their fearless ability to race into oncoming traffic. Even when I play “Frogger” in the Loop, I’m better off than the deer.

Falling into sewer grates. In Chicago, EVERY. FREAKIN.’ SIDEWALK. is lined with these grates. BIG. Giant. Grates. And I’m terrified that I’m going to fall into one. I know that this is silly. Because I don’t wear high heels that would get caught in them. And they’re pretty safely constructed. But I don’t walk on them. Ever. And it usually makes me bump into people on the sidewalk.

If you’ve ever seen Scrooged, then you may understand why I refuse to be cremated. I have a fear of being burned alive courtesy of the ghost of Christmas future in Scrooged. I know that when you die, you cannot be burned alive. But I’m not taking ANY chances. Besides, if the zombie apocalypse happens after I die, I want the chance to dig out and be free.

What about you, Blog Friends? Any strange fears? Any “normal” fears?


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23 Responses

  1. Other than being TERRIFIED of heights I’m pretty sane. OCD notwithstanding. But when I say I’m terrified of heights I mean I have an issue standing on a kitchen chair to get something out of a cupboard. I do it, because I live alone and am short, but my hands will start to shake.

  2. Oh you are normal. I have a weird thing with bathrooms. Like, if a shower curtain is closed, I have to streeetch to see behind it. Because you know some dude is sitting in the tub, with his knife ready to stab me as soon as I sit to pee. At least that’s what I think happens if I don’t look behind the curtain. And that’s why I have clear doors on my bathroom shower. Also, dark bathrooms are evil. If the light doesn’t work, I’m peeing somewhere else. Because something will come out of the mirror and get me.

    And yes, I am seriously afriad of both of those things. And I’m 32

      1. This must be a girl thing. I’ve never imagined Norman Bates outside my shower. However, there have been some women in my life that have been pretty scary. I can imagine some woman calling me and softly saying “play misty for me!” 😉

  3. I have the standard fears that everyone else has. But, thanks to this post, I now know what I would write should you ever ask me to guest blog. Tehehehehe.

  4. I have the sewer grate fear too. I’m also afraid of chainsaws. I just assume if one is within a mile of me that I will slip and get my arm cut off. Don’t ask me how…it’s not rational.

  5. I won’t swim in water with fish because they freak me out. I’ll eat them, but I won’t touch them if they still look like, you know, a fish. Heeeeeebie jeeeeebies.

  6. My biggest fear that’s not likely to happen, is to be trapped in something or strapped down and drowned. I saw a movie where a guy was strapped to a backboard and dropped in the water and he started to drown and that was the scariest thing ever so I ran out of the room and refused to finish the movie.

    Actually most of my fears are about dying in a way where I can see it coming and do nothing to stop it. Like seeing a truck coming at me right before it hits me.

    Apparently I have a strong unconscious fear of being trapped in my house because I’m being stalked by a large predator animal, usually a lion, cougar, or wolf. I have that nightmare about once a month and it always makes my heart beat so fast I can feel it after I wake up.

    1. All of those things sound absolutely terrifying to me. I think I too have a fear of dying. I sometimes imagine trucks crashing into me when I’m driving. It’s really scary.

  7. You forgot to add a fear of squirrels. Isn’t everyone TERRIFIED of squirrels? They’re freaking creepy!

    But I do share your fear of falling through sewer grates…like every fricking day of my life. I also used to get my heels caught in them all the time, which makes the fear of falling through while actually stuck to the grate even worse.

    But seriously, squirrels are evil.

    1. Awww…but squirrels are SO CUTE! I guess we can’t be BBFs after all.

      I’m joking. We can totally still be friends. But we just won’t talk about squirrels. Or sewer grates. Ever.

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