You guys. I’m a little concerned. With my pending nuptials coming up faster than I can say September 16, I’m starting to realize that this is time for a little payback. From my friends and family.
You see, it may surprise you, but I’m not always the most well-behaved wedding guest on the block. I’ve done my fair share of things that brides don’t just forget. And now I see that my comeuppance is surely upon me. Here are a few things that could happen that wouldn’t surprise me…but may irritate Brian to no end.
Someone or 30 someones aren’t going to RSVP. I’m going to have to hunt them down via text, email, or gasp an actual phone call. Bonus points if it’s a member of my bridal party.
Someone’s going to make hilarious commentary through the ceremony. I’m sorry it’s not in a church, MOM.
Someone’s going to injure themselves. It just wouldn’t be right if someone doesn’t fall down, scrape their knee, ruin their tights, and possibly twist their ankle. Bonus points if it’s me.
Someone is going to bring their own booze. I mean, we’re having bombass open bar, AND allowing people to bring drinks to the ceremony, but you never know who’s going to decide they need a magnum size bottle of white zin by their side…bonus points if it’s a member of the bridal party…
Someone’s going to bring an embarrassing date. Who complains about the bar and says something on the wedding video like, “I’m sorry.” when asked to give a message to the bride and groom.
Someone’s going to convince my dad to buy him or her a bottle of wine. Bonus points if it’s a member of the bridal party.
Someone’s going to eat all the passed hors d’oeuvres. But if they know what’s good for them, they’ll save me a bacon wrapped date.
Someone’s going to get stupid drunk. Okay…probably a lot of someones. Bonus points if it’s before dinner.
Someone’s going to talk loudly through the speeches. A word to the wise, my matron of honor doesn’t fuck around, and her speech will probably be brilliant. And she might hit you over the head with a Corona bottle if you talk when she’s talking.
Someone’s going to stack a bunch of glassware on their table as a point of pride. I’m actually looking forward to the leaning tower of glassware part deux, you guys.
Someone’s going to steal glassware. Or centerpieces. Or the wine key from the bartender. I can’t be the only one who went through a klepto phase…
Someone’s going to spill wine on me. Or ice cream. Or a plate full of food. Bonus points if it’s one of the servers.
Someone’s going to take their bra off. In the reception room. In front of Brian’s dad. Bonus points if it’s a member of the bridal party.
Someone’s going to be a bouquetzilla. I mean, someone needs to take my place. I’m leaving an empty hole in the universe, here.
Triple secret bonus points if one person manages to accomplish all or most of these things for this one wedding. Pookie, I’m looking at you.
I have people to nominate for bouquetzilla… you know, since it can’t be me. (I did catch two last summer… so it does work out eventually!)
There’s a few of ’em. I’ve been catching bouquets for a decade. I don’t think it means what they think it means lol.
Are you afraid of these things, or giving us ideas? Because #challengeaccepted
Neither. Just stating acceptance that they may happpen.
This is hilarious!
“Someone’s going to talk loudly through the speeches. A word to the wise, my matron of honor doesn’t fuck around, and her speech will probably be brilliant. And she might hit you over the head with a Corona bottle if you talk when she’s talking.” True story. You talk through my brilliant speech and I WILL END YOU!
The MOH has spoken.
Bahaah. All of these should say….Bonus points if it’s a member of the bridal party.
For the record I”m that perfectly behaved person at weddings that acts as the back-up non bridesmaid helper. In that I get sucked into laboring over centerpieces and name tags and help direct people to where the hell they’re supposed to be when I get a panicked look from the bride. For my BFF’s wedding (she didn’t have a bridal party) I was in charge of sneaking her booze and hiding a cheese plate for her.
I’m planning a follow-up post describing all the ways I actually helped make or saved someone’s wedding!
My 99-year-old great-aunt managed to set her table’s bread basket on fire (accidentally – at least, that’s her story and she’s sticking to it) at my wedding. I kind of feel like that possibility needs its own subheading under the “someone’s going to get stupid drunk” category.
Omg!!! That’s crazy and awesome!