Top 5: My Public Bathroom Wishlist

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This post is part of a sponsored campaign to promote clean bums and bathroom ettiquette. Thanks to the fine people at Cottonelle, you get to read more about my bum.

I think about this a lot. In fact, I’ve had this post written in my mind 27 different ways a hundred different times. Luckily, I managed to keep it in my mind, because working with Cottonelle has offered the perfect opportunity to talk about baños and pooping and such.

I thought it would be fun to cue you in on the top 5 things I wish I saw more often (or didn’t see at all) in public bathrooms. Because when you’ve gotta poop, you’ve gotta poop.

5. High Quality Toilet Paper

I mean, you knew I was going to go here…I remember when Katie and I went to London…and we were TERRIFIED of the toilet paper situation. So much so that we brought our own. But we rarely think to bring our own around here…and sometimes that TP hurts my ass more than anything. So if I were to be granted a wish (or 5), please let there be soft TP and maybe even a fresh wipe or two for me to use on my one and only bum.

4. Taller Toilets

Have you ever tried to poop with your knees up to your eyeballs? Or even worse pee? At that angle you may end up spraying yourself! I’m sorry for all the shorties out there, but who wants to squat down farther than you did in gym class just to relieve yourself? That’s right. No one.

3. A Happy Smell

Have you ever been inside of a Target bathroom? They have that fresh fruity smell, almost like Trix or Fruity Pebbles (But definitely not Fruit Loops. Those are gross. Maybe one day I’ll tell you THAT story.) Anyways, so every Target has this delicious fruity smell and it’s not crappy or bathroom-y or anything. All bathrooms should smell like that. Always.

2. Wider Stalls

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat down on the toilet only to rub my naked ass/hip up against the toilet paper holder. Gross. But it’s because someone thought it would be a good idea to squeeze one extra stall in there. Or even worse, when the geniuses who designed the place thought it would be a good idea to put the toilet about 4 inches closer to the side that the TP is on, instead of giving us that extra space! And screw the ladies over for life. Have you ever gotten poked by the corner of the TP holder? It hurts!

1. Automatic Everything or Nothing—You Can’t Have it Both Ways

I thought about asking for someone to wipe my ass for me, but then I realized that I’m a little OCD, and they probably wouldn’t do it right anyways. So then runner up in this competition is for a public bathroom to make the decision whether to have automatic sinks, soap and dryers or not. Because when you’ve got the automatic soap dispenser without the automatic sink….WHAT’S THE FREAKIN’ POINT? Seriously. Why. And really, I’d much rather have paper towels than the hand dryer. Automatic paper towels please. And a door that opens without having to touch the handle. Or at least a garbage can near the door. I guess that’s like 17 wishes rolled into one, but I’m serious on this one guys. It’s ridiculous.

Blog Friends, what’s on your public bathroom wishlist?

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22 Responses

  1. The toilet height thing doesn’t bother me because yeah, I’m short. Nice smell would be great. OMG to the wider stalls. 3 of the 5 stalls in my office bathroom are smaller than the others for no reason at all. Between the huge TP dispenser and the hygiene thingy your elbows actually hit the walls. It’s insane.

    My biggest beef with public toilets is mostly people. I hate going in and not being able to wash my hands without either getting my shirt wet or having to mop up the sink. If everyone treated public washrooms the way they do their own at home we wouldn’t be dealing with TP on the floors, puddles on the counter and toilets that have not been properly flushed.

    People need a crash course in public toilet etiquette.

  2. I hate it when I use a public bathroom and they have that giant roll of super thin rough toilet paper. The roll is so heavy and the paper is so thin that you can only get one square off at a time because it keeps tearing.

  3. Don’t ever go to Eastern Europe. They have Turkish toilets that are recessed on the floor. Gross indeed! And you have to pay somebody for paper towels and to turn on the water in the sink. This is what comes from socialism 😉

  4. What I hate is when the door opens and there is half an inch between the toilet and the door, so to get in the stall you practically have to climb on the toilet to shut the door. This is especially hard when you are bringing a tiny-human to the bathroom. There is no place left to stand.

  5. This is SO funny! I wish people did not go in the stall and attempt to peep their name all over the place. Nothing is worse than going into a bathroom sprayed in a strangers urine. Yuck!

      1. I have a feeling that it’s worst in a mens public toilet. Next to my pepper spray I guess I should pack a little can of Lysol and save the pepper spray for somebody caught in the act. Ouch! 😉

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