A whole new world

In this brave new world, I’m discovering a lot of things about myself. Primarily, that I don’t love being alone. Wait, I knew that already.

Let me start again.

In this brave new world, I’m discovering a lot of things about my house. Did you know we have three bedrooms? And a full basement? I might have known, but we definitely didn’t, like, use them.

Because we can’t go out to restaurants, the movies, improv shows and classes, the mall, Home Goods, Goodwill, DISNEY, vacations, basically anywhere fun…we’ve had to do some at-home adventures. And that means discovering hidden places in our house to spend quality time.

Apparently, there’s a futon in one of the spare bedrooms, and it can be converted from a guest bed into a couch. I recently made this conversion and all of a sudden I had my very own den. It’s almost as exciting as finding a new restaurant that serves the best chicken fingers and honey mustard sauce.

And then, there’s another bedroom. This one has a locking door and a couple of desks in addition to a bed. Brian has made this his new office home base due to the aforementioned locking door and the desk space to house eleventy billion computers and monitors. He locks himself in there for upwards of 8-10 hours daily, and manages to tune out the moments in which I almost burn our house to the ground.

No, really. I almost started a fire. And the smell of burnt plastic permeated our house for hours after I fell asleep with my moist hot pack hydrocollator boiling on the stove. (I find this to be superior to an electric heating pad, but also, you can forget about it boiling in a pot and burn a big black hole in the canvas).

Anyways, in addition to our new daytime work spaces, we ALSO have this gigantic basement. Like who knew you could do more than store crap you don’t want to think about. I even had a workout section already setup down there. So now I can do my back exercises and maybe even think about resuming a gentle yoga practice. I may have to cancel Disney and Italy and conferences I’ve been looking forward to for two years, but the world is my fucking oyster [if, by world, we are talking about 2000 square feet of house with a suburban backyard], am I right?

Nia, exploring her new domain

Speaking of that whole yard nonsense, even Nia has discovered new territory in which to scamper. Apparently, we have a front yard, where there are many sticks and occasionally, other humans will walk by for her to run up and sniff while I yell at her to come back. Sometimes I have to say, “Wanna go outside?” Even though we are already outside, she runs into the house and towards the back door. Because outside is solely the backyard. And the front yard is mail. And the car is adventure.

Adventure is right there, my friends. Let’s go find it. But separately.

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Shave and a Haircut. Two Bits.

So last night I had my first solo experience in the house. I wanted to finish the second coat of paint in one of the rooms, so I had my mom pick me up at the train station near her house and drive me to my house (it’s weird to call it my house, but that’s exactly what it is…). Brian would be meeting me there. Before I got out of the car, though, Mom reminded me to lock the door behind me.

This is the layout of my house, before it was my house. And in the daylight. When it's less scary.

This is the layout of my house, before it was my house. And in the daylight. When it’s less scary.

Random aside: Brian genuinely thought I was walking from our new/future train station, because it’s not very far away. Later, he even asked how my walk was. I Iaughed and responded, “You thought I was actually going to walk…” And then he thought I called a cab. But really, Mama Bear had it handled. Because she’s awesome.

Anyway, so I was alone in the house. It was already dark at not-quite 7 PM. And I started peeling painter’s tape from the kitchen walls.

All of a sudden, I heard a faint knock at the door. I, quite naturally, immediately panicked. I dove further into the kitchen to avoid being seen from the from door window. I stood, cowering beside the refrigerator when the knock was confirmed with a “Shave and a Haircut” knock.

Now, logically, someone who uses that knock probably isn’t going to kill me. But I didn’t know that. And I wasn’t taking chances.

I looked around and realized that there were no window treatments in the kitchen, as we took them down when we painted. So I did what any normal person would do. I dropped to the floor to avoid being seen.

Now our kitchen is in the center of the house and has two doors across from each other. One leads to the front room (and the front door); the other leads to the dining room. So I crawled to the dining room (probably seen), when I heard another knock. I was really regretting that I had turned all the lights on, as the perpetrator could now see pretty perfectly into my whole house.

After another minute, I crawled from the dining room to the family room (which is next to the kitchen and also has a two doors to the dining room and front room). I peaked around the corner and realized I was in plain sight of the door, and sat paralyzed with fear.

I waited another minute and crawled further into the family room. I finally stood up and tried to remember where I left my phone. And started analyzing the situation. If it was a friend, they would have tried to call me, right? And a neighbor wouldn’t come knocking after dark, right? What if it was the mean-ass contractor that I didn’t hire? No, it was a different contractor who used the same knock…I looked at the door and there appeared to be a note on the window.

I saw my phone on the counter between the kitchen and family room, grabbed it and ran to the hallway with no windows by the garage. I called Brian and explained the situation (sort of), and asked him to check the door for the note.

I stood in the hallway for 10 minutes before I finally grabbed my paint supplies, changed my clothes, and ran upstairs to paint.

Brian arrived, and I was perfectly alive. And safe. And crazy. Apparently, it was a delivery service(not UPS or FedEx or USPS). I have no idea what it was they were trying to deliver, but as soon as I find out, I’ll let you know.

Don’t worry. I put the curtains back in the kitchen window pretty soon after. shudder

Blog Friends, what would you have done? Would you have just answered the door or would you have freaked out like me? Have you ever panicked unnecessarily?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!