Things NOT to do When Spring Daylight Savings Time Hits. A Cautionary Tale.

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And by cautionary tale, obviously, I mean shit I already did. And probably shouldn’t have done. Because holy fuck, I’m feelin’ it today. And yesterday.

Mostly, I think Daylight Savings Time is stupid, but that’s another topic for another day.

Instead, let’s get into the ridiculous shit I did this weekend without thinking about the time change designed to fuck up one’s life. Let’s just call this… A letter to me 365 days from now. Don’t forget, Christine (that’s what I call myself when I’m lecturing myself). This shit’s important.

  1. NEVER plan on going out drinking (when you pretty much never go out drinking) and expect to be functional the next day. Just don’t. Even if it’s a bachelorette party. You plan on a day wasted napping, snacking, watching House of Cards, New Girl and playing Simpsons Tapped Out on your tablet. You won’t even get to write a blog post. Trust me. You’ll be useless.

  2. Honestly, you probably shouldn’t consume more liquor in one night than you have in the last month combined. You’re not in college anymore, sweetheart.

  3. NEVER leave your blinds cracked open. You don’t remember this from last fall when it was still warm (pretty much EONS ago), but the sun coming in your room in the morning? Sucks. Especially after a night of drinking. When you’re crabbier than normal. Dumbass.

  4. NEVER plan your time at the gym at the crack of dawn after the time has jumped ahead an hour. And more importantly, DO NOT schedule an appointment with your trainer at 9 am. That’s just stupid. You’re a moron. If you’re lucky, the aforementioned blinds will wake you up long before your training session…with enough time to text your trainer and tell her you’ll be in late. Like 6 hours late. If you get to her in enough time to not leave her house, she’ll be cool about it.

  5. Really you probably shouldn’t schedule an appointment with your trainer after a night of heavy drinking in general. I don’t care that you want to work off the calories of the taco dip, potato chips, penis cake, mozzarella sticks, nachos, and Greek fries from the night before…or the eggs, hash browns, corned beef hash, biscuits and gravy, and pancakes from your ginormous hangover breakfast…it’s probably not worth it. And it’s going to take more than one sesh to burn those calories, doll.

Obviously, I had a stellar weekend. And now it’s Monday. How was YOUR weekend? Did you do anything spectacular? How well did you handle the time change? Did you have to push your Sunday back a few hours or were you ready for it?

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24 Responses

  1. Me, I went to a film and met a lady at a French Film festival. She was worried about getting up in the morning so no french kissing for me that night. I didn’t get up early enough to meditate. Darn 😉

  2. HA!!!! Yeah- we just can’t do the alcohol like the good ol’ days, my friend. Your timing pretty much sucks on the daylight savings time too, eh? And training first think in the morning? WHY? LOL

  3. Ouch, sounds like a fantabulous weekend. Luckily, I was able to adjust within a day or two instead of the usual one week required to get my head out of the fog. I think it’s because the cats let me sleep an extra hour in the a.m. which made up for the one I lost. And going to the gym at dawn is a no-no any day. would never be able to get my ass out the door.

  4. I totally forgot about the time change but we were losers and just slept in like normal. I spent the first ten minutes of Sunday morning being incredibly confused about which time change it was. I’m that person. The confused one.

    1. If I didn’t have a bazillion things going on this weekend, I probably would have forgotten about the time change too. Thank God almost all of my clocks reset themselves, including my alarm clock.

  5. LOL Amen to #2. I totally can’t do that shit anymore. My weekend consisted of painting, moving, unpacking and a whole lot of OCD inspired puttering around. It was also exhausting because you should NEVER paint an entire apartment, move and unpack in less than 48 hours. I need a new back. And shoulders. And knees.

    1. Oh God. You just reminded me. Moving is going to be torturous for me. Twice the amount of stuff because two people…and Brian doesn’t really do the unpacking thing well. I learned that the last time we moved. *runs away crying* Stupid OCD.

      1. LOL my aunt wanted to help me unpack. She was all, we can be done in 2 or 3 hours. I was like, I love you but GTFO. Seriously. I would loose my shit if someone unpacked my stuff.

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