Every Two Seconds Someone Punches Someone Else in the Arm-And That’s Why We Can’t Have Nice Things…or World Peace

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A conversation Brian and I had this morning had me in tears I was laughing so hard. I had every intention of getting on the train and typing it in my phone so that I didn’t forget it. And then I got on the train and got all chatty…and boom. It was lost.

So when I went to write the post at lunch, I was all, SHIT! I forgot what we were laughing about. Or rather, what I was laughing about. Luckily, when you have a boyfriend as cool as mine, he’ll text you a little reminder. And then you win at life.

Brian: What do you want for your birthday?

Me (thinking): I hate this question
Me (talking): I don’t know. World peace.
Brian: Okay. I will give you world peace. Two whole seconds of it.
Me: That’s impossible. The whole world is never asleep for the same two seconds.
Brian: No one has to be asleep. I will give you two seconds of world peace. You don’t have to trust me.
Me: You’re not going to give me world peace.
Brian: Yes I am. I’ll give you two seconds of world peace. It’ll be good. You’ll love it.
Me: It’s not even possible. Something bad happens in every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every week of…
Brian: No. I’ll give you two seconds.
Me: I don’t believe you.
Brian: You’ll get two seconds of peace. I swear. And I will tell you ahead of time so that it’s an actual prediction, but it’s up to you to confirm it. But you will probably punch me in the shoulder during that time out of spite like a typical human.
Me: I don’t have to punch you in the arm. It’s not going to be two seconds of world peace.
Brian: You’re going to punch me in the arm in those two seconds aren’t you?
Me: Yes.
birthday dessert
This. I want this for my birthday. Cheese in my dessert.

I hate it when people ask what I want for my birthday. So the next time someone asks, I want something really clever to say. Any ideas? What do you want for YOUR birthday?

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16 Responses

  1. Husband punches show affection. I swear I don’t abuse my husband; he just doesn’t understand I’m telling him I love him.
    That got worse and worse. I swear I don’t abuse my husband.

  2. I only punch dad when he says something annoying. Which is often but the punching is only occasionaly. He’s very boney and tall…so it’s hard to get him.
    So Punkin, whaddya want for your birthday?

  3. Hee, hee. You could have freaked him out for sure and told him “I want you to transform into Prince William, Duke of Cambridge just for an hour.” Then again, Kate Middleton might not appreciate your birthday wish 😉

  4. Something clever to say? Whenever I need something along those lines, I end up screaming, “The souls of the innocent!” which for some strange reason my family has decided translates to “chocolate”.

  5. One time I told my husband that I’d really like to have a penis for a day so that I could totally stand up and pee. I told him that they have these contraptions you can buy so you can try it out and he just rolled his eyes at me. So, yeah… ask for that and let me know how it goes.

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