Reasons You Should Probably Never Talk About Money (With People. Do I Need to Clarify That?)

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I’ve decided to devote a little discussion to money or better yet, why people shouldn’t talk about money (Does that make this blog post ironic? Someone ask Alannis Morrisette for me). They say that money is the root of all evil…so does that make evil the money tree? 

Rich or poor, you should probably avoid talking about cold, hard cash…here’s why.

7 reasons not to talk about money. Ever.

Very SERIOUS reasons not to talk about money. Ever.

  • Someone may get jealous of your larger pay check and find a way to steal it. Probably with ninja stars and boomerangs.
  • You might get punched. Especially if you make eleventy billion dollars and are trying to use an expired coupon. And then arguing about it with the cashier.
  • If you’re trying to use food stamps (or your state/country’s equivalent), and you roll your groceries out to a Lexus…I’m going to judge you for the rest of your life. Even though I don’t know your name. And I might even blog about you. You know, quite frankly, I’m glad I don’t know your name.
  • Making 6, 7 or 8 figures is great. We’re all really happy for you. But if you’re single (oh hell, if you’re making 7 or 8 figures, I don’t care if you’ve got a family of 10), you should never. Ever. Ever. Ever. Talk about how you have no money. Because if you have no money, it’s your own fault. Unless it’s all in savings so you can retire at 40. Because I can TOTALLY respect that. Sort of. Okay, fine. I’m just really jealous and I might want to find my ninja stars and boomerangs.
  • People will feel sorry for you if you have less money. And they might then give you money. Hmmm…. Maybe you should talk about money…Let’s think on that one.
  • No matter how poor you think you are, you never know what someone else’s circumstances are. You could be standing next to someone who ran away with the circus, finally escaped from a relationship with the bearded lady, and has three circus peanuts and a clown nose to their name. Not that I’ve ever experienced this…but you know…it could happen.
  • Blaming [insert politician or organization] here isn’t really helpful for anyone. And no one wants to get into your bullshit trap political arguments anyways. You stop that right now.

What are your thoughts about money talk? Have you ever wanted to run away to the circus? Do you love circus peanuts the way I love circus peanuts? Who wants to let me borrow their boomerang?

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14 Responses

  1. We have to talk about money. It touches so many important parts of our lives. If the people around you find it hard to talk about money, find some new folks. If have a hard time talking about money, change that–quickly.

    Nick W.

    p.s. I like your blog.

  2. I think people that are constantly complaining that they’re broke are annoying. Especially if they’re doing absolutely nothing to change their circumstances. I’m talking the girls who are constantly shopping for clothes they don’t need, and going to Starbucks every day and buying their lunch every day and going out every Friday/Saturday and spending a bunch at a bar. I’m sorry, I can make my own coffee, make my own lunch and a bottle of Wine and pizza is a hell of a lot cheaper than a night at a bar. It’s one thing to splurge occasionally but if you’re continuously living beyond your means and bitching about being broke, I’m gonna have no sympathy for you.

  3. I really hate circus peanuts. They’re seriously like the grossest things ever. I also think it’s a bad idea to chat about money too specifically. Maybe in general terms, but not like “oooh I make zillions of dollars and the price of yachts these days, you wouldn’t believe!”

  4. In all seriousness, I think talking about money is tacky. I don’t like when people ask me how much money I earn, how much I have in the bank, how much I spend. It’s no one’s business, and I don’t ask these questions. I don’t see why anyone would think it’s okay or necessary to discuss personal finances, unless you’re consulting a financial expert or someone for advice on how to get your shit in order.

    1. Hahaha. We have to add sports to the conversation in our family. If you’re a Packers or Cubs fan, don’t start talking sports around my parents. It’s like the kiss of death.

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