Dear Lyssa of Psychobabble,
Recently, you announced your online wedding to Shirtless Ryan Gosling (henceforth in this post and future posts as SRG). I am so utterly happy for you that I can’t begin to find the right words.
Of course, I was also incredibly disappointed that as your future sister-in-law in the Shirtless family, I wasn’t automatically invited to be a bridesmaid. Even moreso, I was very sad to discover that I was going to have to DUKE IT OUT to catch the bouquet. This is emotionally difficult for me, since…well…you know how I feel about my
imaginary internet boyfriend Shirtless Jesse Metcalfe and what catching the bouquet would mean to me us.
And so, I’ve compiled this photo blog post for you, Lyssa…to make the right decision.
Because I have bouquet toss HISTORY. I mean…the first time I caught the bouquet, the bride’s sister was all whine whine whine “IIIIII wanted to catch my sister’s bouquet” so I was all wine wine wine, “FINE.”
After that, catching the bouquet was a competition. One I was determined to win. At least, in the weddings I stood up in. And one or two others…
The first two weddings were competitions with Katie (who I beat out both times and she STILL got married before me…)
Dear Blog Friends,
Please tell Lyssa that you think I should be her bouquet toss winner. Because it’s not about what winning the bouquet MEANS. It’s about taking out the competition.
Thank you for your time. I know that SRG and you will be very happy together. But happier still if I’m there. Shirtless Jesse Metcalfe and I hope you make the right decision.