I’m Like a Gremlin…Except, You Know, Not

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stuffed gizmo doll
Stuffed gizmo doll (you can buy him for me yourself on Amazon)

Did I say a gremlin? I meant a mogwai. But you probably wouldn’t recognize a mogwai if I put that in the title…I’m sneaky like that. Mogwai are the tiny fictional creatures that start out cute and cuddly, singing sad little mogwai songs…but if the rules are broken, they become gremlins. What’s amusing, though, is that a mogwai is also a Chinese demon, that reproduces when it’s raining (interesting).

Three Rules to Owning a Mogwai

  • Keep them out of sunlight
  • Never get them wet
  • Never feed them after midnight

If you break those rules…then you get gremlins. And those cute, singing cuddle buddies become glistening, scaly, vicious beasts…

  • Expose them to sunlight (they die)
  • Never get them wet (they multiply into lots of cuddle buddies much like the demon that reproduces in rain)
  • Never feed them after midnight (they get slimy and mean)

How does this all relate to me? Allow me to explain. I was out with a friend of mine, who has known me since high school. We made our way down to the city, and he commented on my lack of coat.

I told him, “It’s 50 degrees…I would get hot wandering around the city. And crabby. And then I’d have to take my coat off and carry it. And be crabby. So no coat.”

And so he looked at me and said, “Princess Chrissy strikes again.”

“Maybe I’m a little high maintenance…”

“You think? This, I already know. Brian is a saint.”

“Yeah, he is, isn’t he?”

Which got me to thinking…What else am I high maintenance about? Which lead me to this:

5 Ways I'm COMPLETELY high maintenance, just like a gremlin.

Five Rules to Owning a Chrissy

  • Keep her at the right temperature. If she’s too hot, she’ll get crabby. She never wants to wear a coat. Don’t make her. If she’s cold, she’ll lose circulation in her toes. Make sure she has socks, shoes, and gloves on. If it’s colder than 40 degrees outside, yes, turn on the butt warmers in the car. If she puts cold feet on your warm legs, you should let her. This means she is trying to warm up.
  • She needs direct sunlight. Make sure that she has a good amount of sunlight on a daily basis. Without sunlight, a Chrissy will get depressed. And no one needs that. If it’s been too long without sunlight, you should probably take her to Florida.
  • Make sure she eats at regular intervals. If she’s hungry, she is crabby. And snappy. And needs food immediately. You should actually carry snacks for her. Because she often forgets to refill her purse with snack packs after she eats the last one.
  • Give her as many opportunities to swim in large bodies of water as possible. She’s like a fish or a dolphin. She is happy in water. Pools, hot tubs, lakes, rivers, oceans…all good things. You should probably take her to Florida with some regularity.
  • Chrissy thrives on physical contact. Snuggling, hugging, and touching are all required. Even if her feet are really, really, really cold.
A warm, sunlight-full, after-dinner Chrissy who has been swimming and snuggling at Disney World in sunny Florida all day. That about sums it up.
A warm, sunlight-full, after-dinner Chrissy who has been swimming and snuggling at Disney World in sunny Florida all day. That about sums it up.

I’m not so bad, right?

What are your high maintenance needs, Blog Friends?

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16 Responses

  1. Hahahahaha! I think my major high maintenance thing is food. I want the exact dish prepared in the exact way I have in mind or I’ll get really cranky. That’s why I do 99% of the cooking in my house. Also, no one is allowed to talk to me in the morning until I’ve had my coffee.

    Side note: Ry’s bus driver calls him “gremlin”. I’m assuming it’s because he does this singsongy happy verbal stim when he’s going to school and because of his big, pretty eyes.

    1. LOL! That’s one of the reasons I like that I’m always the first one awake in the house (except you know, when Brian goes to work and I don’t.) No one talks to me for the first hour I am awake. It is glorious.

      Hehehe Ry the Gremlin. I like it. 🙂

  2. I am speechless with love and adoration. speechless…except not really. I LOVE YOU! I will keep you at an optimal temp and give you plenty of sunlight… May through August… You are so freaking cute!! I CANNOT STAND IT!! I want to be your bestie.

  3. I think I might just steal your list, print it and put it on the fridge. Princess Lily in the house. I always have snacks. In my purse, in my car…in computer bag. Seriously, without sun I just curl into a ball and cry. Water…I love you. I hate being hot. I hate being cold. Yep, stealing your list.

  4. Have I mentioned that I love you? I was just talking to a friend of mine’s boyfriend about Gremlins and the fact that it is actually the best Christmas movie ever.

    For the record, I am with sleep, as you are about food. If I don’t get any sleep, I am seriously grouchy and then I just start to sulk because I’m tired and don’t actually have time to sleep.

    I’m totally with you on the hot/cold thing too. I think I’ve worn my winter coat once this year so far. I’ll put on a hat, gloves, scarf and a spring coat because once I get walking or on public transit I just start to sweat and it pisses me off. There’s nothing worse than being overheated. If I’m cold I can put on fuzzy socks, have some tea, cuddle under a blanket with a Jasper to keep me warm but if I’m hot I could stand naked in front of an air conditioner and it’s not enough. Add humidity to that like our shitty summers here and I am a miserable miserable person with frizzy hair.

    1. Gremlins IS a fantastic Christmas movie! Hehehe. I feel the same way about sleep. If it is late and I am not in bed, I get crabby. Forgot to put that one on there! LOL.

      I love that I’m not the only one pissed off by coats.

      1. It’s not coats that suck. It’s the fact that in the winter, every store, mall, building, train, bus feels the need to jack the heat up to full blast despite the fact that we’re wearing coats.

  5. LOVE this. I need sunlight, too. If it’s overcast, I curl up in a blanket and drink coffee. And don’t move. I’m sure that’s why coffee’s so big in Portland.

  6. I need sunlight and warmth too! I use my butt warmer even in the summer at times! And, I need to be fed in regular intervals and my brain needs to be fed with tons and tons of books!

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