Of course my dog has an Instagram account.

Of course she does.

When the rescue organizations were [heavily] vetting me to become a dog mom, my friends were telling them that my future dog was going to live a spoiled existence. Toys and play and treats and photo shoots would ensue. My dog was sure to get her own Instagram account, they said.

I fought the urge to give her a separate account for months. I already have a Disneygram account in addition to my personal account. I don’t need to add a third to the mix.

Until I did.

My dog has an Instagram account where I manage her friendships with other dogs, if you want to know where I’ve been spending my time.

— Quirky Chrissy (@quirky_chrissy) August 30, 2018

Of course I did.

And then it was time for Nia’s spay surgery. And she we I decided that she was going to diary the cone life. It’s been a rocky two weeks, but I think the pup is going to be A-okay. At the very least, she’s going to have one hell of a happy life.

Day 1: Mom says I’m getting spayed today. I don’t know what that means, but Dad said it was important because Bob Barker said so. I’m a Barker too, so he must be a cool dude.

A post shared by Lady Nymeria Stark (@ladynymeriastark) on Aug 20, 2018 at 6:11am PDT

The day of the spay was horrible for me. One of my worst days. I was already going into this with SERIOUSLY conflicting feelings. I know that she’s essentially better off being spayed early, but I couldn’t help anthropomorphizing her soon-to-be inability to have children. And then they called me after she came out of anesthesia.

Day 2: Mom says I gave everyone a scare yesterday. After my surgery, I had a seizure coming out of the anesthesia. They think I may have had distemper as a baby. Luckily, I’m resting comfortably with my mommy on the couch. She even gave me a new toy too!

A post shared by Lady Nymeria Stark (@ladynymeriastark) on Aug 21, 2018 at 7:19am PDT

Apparently, Nia shows a number of signs of being a distemper survivor, including weak enamel on her teeth, tremors, head bobbles, and now, seizures (well, seizure, singular). The vet says that as long as she seems happy and healthy, we just need to keep an eye on the symptoms and take extra good care of her teeth.

Day 3: This is my life now. The cone is never coming off. Mom tells me, “Chin up!” when we go up the stairs, but I’m not sure what she means. This cone is the worst on stairs. And when I have itches. And when I want to play with my toys. Basically, it’s just the worst. Mom also keeps giving me spoonfuls of peanut butter and singing about medicine going down. I just know that I love peanut butter. And also, I’m very sleepy… Zzzzzzz

A post shared by Lady Nymeria Stark (@ladynymeriastark) on Aug 22, 2018 at 5:55am PDT

Day 3 was the last day of being remotely sleepy. None of the sedatives worked for our lil pup. So we had to manage her insanity with constant vigilance and baby gates.

Day 4: It was looking pretty bleak last night. Mom disappeared for several hours. Dad and I managed. But barely. Mom and Dad have both resorted to more frequent walks, which are, quite honestly, my only respite from this torturous experience. Who the heck is Bob Barker anyway? Send Kongs full of peanut butter. Stat.

A post shared by Lady Nymeria Stark (@ladynymeriastark) on Aug 23, 2018 at 10:05am PDT

The peace didn’t last long, though, because Nia decided that she could do anything with or without the cone.

Day 5: I think it’s going well. I’m adjusting to life in the cone. Unfortunately, Mom keeps stopping me from reaching my full cone agility potential. Every time I think I’m about to master one of my favorite moves, she STOPS me! All I want to do is jump on and off the couch, bounce like Tigger, and catch that damn bunny! I feel like she’s out to get me.

A post shared by Lady Nymeria Stark (@ladynymeriastark) on Aug 24, 2018 at 12:55pm PDT

Thank God for baby gates (something I swear I said I would never use).

Day 6: There’s hope at the end of this blue, cone-shaped tunnel. Mom finally gave in and let me return to my favorite spot, where I can monitor bunny and squirrel activity. I’m only barking when it gets real serious with the critters because I don’t want to lose this privilege.

A post shared by Lady Nymeria Stark (@ladynymeriastark) on Aug 25, 2018 at 6:26am PDT

She’s definitely my puppy because I love perching just as much as she does.

Day 7: Mom keeps hugging me and saying she’s so glad she adopted me. I heard her mention #nationaldogday or something like that. Whatever. I’m still in doggy hell over here. No one will let me zoomies. I just wanna run and jump. They let me play with toys, but I’m getting bored with the same ones. Send toys.

A post shared by Lady Nymeria Stark (@ladynymeriastark) on Aug 26, 2018 at 6:08pm PDT

We actually had to take away some of her toys because of her teeth. She loved chewing on the hard toys, but no dice anymore on those. Soft and squishy only now. I think I’ve noticed the difference in the way she chomps on my hand.

Day 8: I found a new toy, but Mom doesn’t seem happy about it. I don’t understand. I just want to play. I thought she’d be happy for me. She keeps saying we’re halfway there, and I’m over like I don’t know what you mean , Mom. I’m livin’ on a prayer.

A post shared by Lady Nymeria Stark (@ladynymeriastark) on Aug 27, 2018 at 7:36am PDT

I took away the cheap flip flop, and then she annihilated my Roxy flip flops. How’s that for vengeance?

Day 9: I was THIS CLOSE to getting a whole night in the bed with Mom and Dad. They got home late, which woke me up so it was play time. Dad went to bed and Mom played with me until I finally gave up and went to snuggle with Dad. We were all snoozing comfortably for a while when Mom stopped snoring, got up, and made me sleep in my kennel! So now I’m exhausted and catching some Zs on the floor.

A post shared by Lady Nymeria Stark (@ladynymeriastark) on Aug 28, 2018 at 10:11am PDT

Day 10: VICTORY IS MINE! Mom and Dad woke up to a surprise this morning: Dad’s alarm. They forgot to nudge me to my kennel, so I slept in their bed all night long. I made sure not to wake them as I slowly creeped up to the pillows, snuggling my cone on Mom. If only they’d let me sleep there all the time.

A post shared by Lady Nymeria Stark (@ladynymeriastark) on Aug 29, 2018 at 12:01pm PDT

Whoops!

Day 11: First they removed the cone. Then they tricked me into falling asleep and put the cone back on. Then they made me sleep in my kennel. They they woke me up and removed the cone. If they try to put it back on, so help me, god…

A post shared by Lady Nymeria Stark (@ladynymeriastark) on Aug 30, 2018 at 9:44am PDT

Day 12: I’m so conflicted. Dad made me wear the cone again last night. Then he left me alone to wallow. He came back with Mom, and I got so comfy up by the pillows of the bed when Mom scooped me up to sleep in the kennel again. When I woke up, Dad took off the cone, but Mom won’t get out of bed because she’s still wearing her weird nose cone. I just wanna play!

A post shared by Lady Nymeria Stark (@ladynymeriastark) on Aug 31, 2018 at 6:56am PDT

Even I’m ready for the cone to be over.