A Bookworm’s Guide to Slackerdom

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Mom, you may not want to read this…

Confession Friday: I have a degree in English from an excellent university…but I never once read an entire book for class.

True story.

In the third grade parent-teacher conference, my teacher, Mrs. Jacoby, told my mom that I was lying to her about all of the books that I was reading. Mom knew that I had no life but the one in books, so she got really mad and bitchy. I’m pretty sure that was mom’s last parent-teacher conference. I also think this scarred me for life in regards to school, teachers, and reading books.

I was talking to the Word Worm about blogging–She writes a fantastic bookworm blog–and she mentioned something about Shakespeare (you can read her blog to find out what she said). I, the lover of Shakespeare that I am, told her that I was a fan of reading Shakespeare. I read Romeo and Juliet (which everyone says wasn’t very good, but I loved it) when I was 12. for fun. At home. I’ve read Much Ado About Nothing SEVERAL times. I did attempt to read Twelfth Night several times to no avail, but other than that, I’m kind of a fan. Hamlet, MacBeth, even Julius Caesar…all enjoyable reads for me.

She then questioned my tactics in college…and asked if I ever read a full book for school. In all honesty… not counting a graphic novel called Maus… no. No, I did not.  I had read bits and pieces. Excerpts. Listening to class discussion (when I showed up for class). Talking to my classmates. Sparknotes. Cliffsnotes. Gradesaver.com. Classic Notes. Classic Reader. And when in doubt, I Googled it. And it worked. I never got lower than a B in my English classes. (OK, and to be fair, there were some books and stories that I had already read.) My mad-writing skills got me exactly what I needed: A decent grade and plenty of time to do other things.

As an English major, required literature was something Chrissy considered...optional. She managed to pull off a splendid GPA considering she didn't read one entire book for class.
College and Computers 🙂

I was a very organized slacker…I had a notebook for every class. Each notebook was filled with excellent doodles (as doodling would help my brain calm down so that I could actively listen). Each notebook had a very important front cover. The cover listed the number of excused absences that I was allowed in that particular class, a dated list of missed classes, and the excuses that I used to not go to class. I made sure that I didn’t overuse cramps or migraines (though those pesky headaches happened regularly). There was even a time that I thought I was having a panic attack…that turned out to be the results of a little too much booze the night before…

That being said, you all know that I’m a voracious reader. And if you don’t, you should see my gratuitous post discussing my ridiculous unwavering love for Pride & Prejudice. The obsession is almost disgusting. But whatever. I read. I do. I just don’t read when someone tells me that I must. I saved every book from all of my classes, college and high school (sans Childhood’s End, which, until Fifty Shades of Grey, was my least favorite book in the history of ever.) Then, I spent summers, and even free time during school, reading. Yes, that’s right. I’ve read a good portion of the novels that I should have read for class…long after class ended.

Here’s a list of the best books I never read in college:

Candide (even though I walked into class after reading the Sparknotes version and told the prof that I had, in fact read it and loved it. After actually reading it–it’s pretty awesome)
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (which ironically became my favorite American novel)
Tess of the D’urbervilles (which is really super depressing, but well written and uber Victorian… Stupid 50 Shades of Grey for ruining the association.)
The Canterbury Tales (In my defense, the teacher tried to make us read it in middle English. Do you have any concept of how hard that is?!)

OK, and here’s a list of some of the best books I read in college for no reason but to read:

The Stand
The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
Les Miserable
Great Expectations (Actually a reprise from my youth…thanks to those marvelous Great Illustrated Classics)
The Tenth Kingdom (A book based off a cheesy TV mini series on NBC. If you watched it and like it—I think I love you.)

Have a great weekend!

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8 Responses

  1. You didn’t actually finish Tess? You should now, as a grown up. I enjoyed it. Wait. I read it because YOU recommended it. I feel duped. Thanks for the shout out too. Cinderblocks!

  2. Hurrah! I admit there were definitely a few books I didn’t finish in college. I totally skimmed the last 200 pages of Moby Dick. Yawn.

    Yes! Eff Fifty Shades! The “author” (I use that term loosely) clearly did not understand Tess AT ALL and thus should have kept her I’m-smart-I-swear references to Tess to her stupid self.

    Sorry, I feel strongly about that one, haha.

    And yes, I know exactly how hard it is to read (er…attempt to read) Canterbury Tales in Middle English. Luckily I had read it in Modern English in high school or I would have failed the crap out of History of the English Language.

    1. “Yes! Eff Fifty Shades! The “author” (I use that term loosely) clearly did not understand Tess AT ALL and thus should have kept her I’m-smart-I-swear references to Tess to her stupid self.” Bwahahaha! Fake webauthor who should keep her writing to fanboards and not get paid a tiny sliver of what she’ll be getting for her mediocre dribble.

  3. I think I love YOU. I not only own The 10th Kingdom paperback…I got it when I ordered the VHS tapes off an infomercial after watching the move on TV! LOVED that book and mini series. In fact, I was just thinking a couple weeks ago that I should see if they have it on DVD so I can upgrade my collection (since I no longer have a VCR hooked up). =)

  4. I’ve always read books before or after I was supposed to. I got so tired of Hamlet. We read it in 9th grade and 12th grade. Then I had to read it as a freshman in college. We had to write an essay on it and my professor told me that my writing was terrific, but that she didn’t agree with my thesis so she gave me a C-. I don’t think I went to class again. I’m a decent writer because I read so much. I love to read and I love to write, but I hate being told what to read or what to write!

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