Two Years Seems Like Just Yesterday AND Like Forever

Two years ago, Brian took me out on a date. And so today is our anniversary. (It is also Katie’s birthday–and thanks to this anniversary shenanigans, I finally remember that.)

In honor of our anniversary, I’ve composed a thank you letter/list to Brian. For always being there. For always being the best. For putting up with me. For being my best friend. For being the ONLY person in the whole world that I can spend as much time with as I do without wanting to kill each other. At all. Ever. Okay…maybe just like once. But definitely not usually.

To Brian on our second anniversary of being us,

It feels like I’ve known you forever, and yet the time has flown faster than I could possibly imagine. I have so many things in my life to be thankful for, and you are most definitely one of them. But I also have a lot of things to thank YOU for…and so I compiled this very poetic list.

Thank you for always knowing exactly where I am…
Even when I have no fucking clue
And for directing me out of being lost
Especially at the train station in the city which is flipping huge.
 
Thank you for not being mad…
That one time I parked your car in the city and forgot that city parking requires payment.
And that other time I accidentally got drunk and needed a ride from Naperville
And that other time I accidentally dyed your bathroom rug red
And that other time I took you to a party in the city and apologized a whole lot for being drunk. And losing my wallet. And falling off a booth. That I was sitting on.
And all of those times I forgot to turn the stove off.
 
Thank you for suggesting that we go to Disney World,
Even though it’s probably the last place on Earth you wanted to go…
And even if you don’t actually remember being the one to suggest it.
 
Thank you for force feeding me Doctor Who
Until I decided that it was amazing
And became obsessed and all of a sudden loved the Doctor way more than you do.
 
Thank you for not thinking I’m CRAZY
When I cry for no reason
And when I tell you about how I’m going to be famous one day
And when I refuse to walk to my car to get my glasses but will drive all the way to the Wisconsin for cheese
And for everything else that I do that makes me just a little bit different from other girls.
On that note, thank you for thinking my quirks are adorable instead of annoying
 
Thank you for laughing at my really stupid jokes…
And actually thank you for cracking your own stupid jokes
So that I always have something to laugh at.
 
Thank you for allowing me the creative license to remember things slightly different…
Especially when I write blog posts…
 
Most importantly, thank you for being you.
You know exactly how to make me smile.
I have so many wonderful things to say about you,
But I know that you hate the spotlight.
I think the world knows how much you mean to me,
And if they don’t…
They can all bugger off.
Because you’re the cheese to my mac.
The cheese to my puffs.
The cheese to my sandwich.
And the chocolate to my cheese.
 
Anniversary Card

This is my anniversary card to Brian. You’ll note that my happy places include Disney, Cheese, and Brian. Sometimes all at the same time.

 

 
Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Conversations I Have With Brian (And How We’re Totally Weird)

So Brian must really get sick of me asking him…Every single time….if I can write about something that he says. And usually (especially when it’s REALLY good stuff) he says no. And then I am stuck giving you less than funny conversations that happen.

But seriously, we have ridiculous conversations. Ridiculously AWESOME conversations. We talk seriously in knock knock jokes…case in point:

As we’re going to bed…

Brian: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me:I don’t know, Brian, why?
Brian: To get to the lunatic’s house.
Me: I don’t get it.
 
Brian: Knock Knock?
Me: Who’s there?
Brian: Chicken!
 

It took me a while to get it.

Me: Very funny, BRIAN.
 

And then I laughed for real, because it was actually kind of funny.

Me: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Brian: I don’t know…why?
Me: To show the raccoon, the possum, and the fox that it can be done!
 
Brian: Knock Knock.
Me: Who’s there?
Brian: Interrupting cow.
Me: Interr…
Brian: MOO!
 
Me: Knock Knock.
Brian: Who’s There?
Me: Banana.
Brian: Banana who?
Me: Knock Knock?
Brian: Orange, right? Orange you glad right?
Me: You’re cheating!
 
Me: Knock Knock.
Brian: Who’s there?
Me: Gorilla.
Brian: Gorilla who?
Me: Gorilla my dreams! I love you! Except that really you should be saying this to me.
Brian: But you’re not the gorilla of my dreams…
Me: GIRL of your dreams, BRIAN. GIRL. UGH!
 
Brian: Cow walks into a bar. The bartender says, “we don’t serve food here.”
 
Me: Brian walks into a bar…
Me: Chrissy ducks.
 
Brian: That doesn’t sound right…
 
Brian: Two droids walk into the bar. The bartender says, “we don’t serve your kind here.”
Me: That’s not funny.
Brian: Oh. Actually that’s just a Star Wars quote.
 

And then I laugh hysterically, because his delivery was hilarious.

Me: Remind me to write about that…
Brian: People aren’t going to think it’s as funny as you do.
Me: Yes they will. It was really funny.

The next day…

Me: What was it that you said that wasn’t funny at all?
Brian: Two droids walk into a bar. The bartender says we don’t serve your kind here. And then I told you it was a Star Wars quote.
Me: That’s not very funny.
Brian: Which is probably why you JUST asked me for the thing I told you last night that wasn’t funny.
Me: But I thought it was funny last night.
Brian: But you were expecting it today.
 

What about you guys? What weird things do you talk about or do with your significant other?

 
Love is Finding Someone to be Weird With
 
 

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!