Brian: I got you something.
Me: Oh yeah?
Brian: It’s smaller than a bread box.
(I look in the bag expecting Peeps or Cadbury Cream Eggs or Cadbury Mini Eggs or jellybeans.)
Me: I ran out of these when we were in Florida!
Brian: Wait, you had these?
Me: Duh. (I look at the side package.) No! OMG THESE ARE WAY BETTER.
Brian: WOAH. I have to take them back. There’s some serious Mickey abuse going on. I didn’t see that in the store.
Me: No! It’s just a love pat. Look! They’re kissing! And it’s pink!
Brian: Abuse. That’s horrible.
Me: LOVE. Tap. (I pet his cheek and shout “Smack!”) See. Love.
Brian: Now don’t go hurting yourself on purpose to wear these.
Brian: If you want to wear one, you can just put it on. You don’t need any real injuries. OK?
Me: What should I chop for dinner?
Brian: I don’t know…HEY! WAIT A MINUTE!Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!