Wedding bloopers: The funniest pics from our wedding day

Three years ago today, my house was filling up with my bridal party and family. We were doing all the things you do before your wedding, like slamming bagels and shmear, drinking champagne, and hurriedly trying to get last-minute details nailed down as Brian snuck out to escape the insanity.

Three years ago, I married the best partner in the history of ever in a cheese-themed wedding with a ginormous bridal party and an epic dance-a-thon.

And now, three years later, I feel it’s only right and fair to share the best photos from the entire shindig. The funniest photos from our wedding. The wedding bloopers. Clearly, my favorite photos.

Getting ready

hilarious professional wedding photos
Mama Bear wanted me to make a pretty face, but I just wanted to make her laugh. Mission unsuccessful. I’ll try again later.
hilarious professional wedding photos  mom and daughter
Nope, she still wanted to kill me.
funny professional wedding photos Chrissy and her mom making faces at each other
I love you, Mama!
hilarious professional wedding photos  - sloth pajamas
I think I should bring these sloth jams, just in case I need a change of clothes. What do you think?
hilarious professional wedding photos  best friends flipping each other off
Classic Katie and Chrissy

Formal wedding portraits

hilarious professional wedding photos  you're a tiger.
Photographer: You’re a tiger!
Brian: Obviously. Brian’s brother: No.


hilarious professional wedding photos  jump in my arms
Quick! Jump in my arms, despite the fact that I am still getting over a back injury.
hilarious professional wedding photos  dresses stuck together
Uhhh, Chrissy, I’m stuck!
hilarious professional wedding photos  dresses stuck together
I don’t think I can get it. We need help.
hilarious professional wedding photos  dresses stuck together
Brooke legit saved the day.

The ceremony

I literally laughed throughout the entire thing. It wasn’t the worst thing I’ve ever done.

hilarious professional wedding photos  laughing throughout the ceremony
This might be where Q, our officiant made a joke about Christmas trees.
hilarious professional wedding photos  laughing throughout the ceremony
Or maybe it was here…
hilarious professional wedding photos  laughing throughout the ceremony
This was definitely after I skipped past half the vows and just shouted: “I do!”

The dinosaur

No captions necessary.

hilarious professional wedding photos  at a playground
hilarious professional wedding photos  at a playground
hilarious professional wedding photos  at a playground
hilarious professional wedding photos  at a playground
hilarious professional wedding photos  at a playground

Cocktail hour

hilarious professional wedding photos  glaring at an appetizer instead of smiling
This may be my favorite photo from the whole wedding. Me, staring longingly at my bacon-wrapped date while hugging Brian’s cousin.
hilarious professional wedding photos  parents caught off guard
My parents are legit the cutest.

Cutting the cheese

hilarious professional wedding photos  laughing while cutting the cheese wedding cake made of cheese wheels
The rind was SO HARD to cut into, I laughed the whole time
hilarious professional wedding photos  laughing while cutting the cheese wedding cake made of cheese wheels
No, I’m not choking. And the cheese was delicious. I was probably still laughing.
hilarious professional wedding photos  laughing while cutting the cheese wedding cake made of cheese wheels
Everyone is watching me eat cheese. This is amazing.

Time after time

Katie and I have danced the Romy and Michelle dance at every wedding we’ve ever been to together. So I made it an official bridal party dance. It started with Katie, TBCIII and me, and then everyone else joined in. And it was epic.

hilarious professional wedding photos: Dancing to Time After Time from Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion
hilarious professional wedding photos: Dancing to Time After Time from Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion
hilarious professional wedding photos: Dancing to Time After Time from Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion
hilarious professional wedding photos: Dancing to Time After Time from Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion

Dance party

hilarious professional wedding photos: Candid dancing photos
Go away, new husband. Gotta dance with my APO brother and mentor.
hilarious professional wedding photos: Candid dancing photos
There are at least 7 photos of me hiking my dress above my knees because my dress was too long.
hilarious professional wedding photos: Candid dancing photos
Bat dress
hilarious professional wedding photos: Candid dancing photos
Probably Livin on a Prayer. Probably.
hilarious professional wedding photos: Candid dancing photos
Definitely Paradise by the Dashboard Lights
hilarious professional wedding photos: Candid dancing photos
And scene.

Our wedding was a blur, but this life we’ve made together hasn’t been. I will continue to soak in all the beauty, magic, and joy that Brian brings to my world and celebrate every day like it’s our anniversary.

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Stargazing, Meteor Showers, and Me

Today’s Monday Memories is brought to you by FIRSTS. First loves, first kisses, first free ride in a police car, first meteor shower…you know…whatever you want as long as it’s a first.

Monday Memories

In honor of the Lyrid Meteor Shower this weekend/last night/this morning/whatever, I’d like to take a moment to remember my very first (and I think only…) meteor shower.

I was in college. A sophomore. In a city. In the middle of Cornfield, IL. And there was going to be a meteor shower. Like every quasi-teen-girl in the history of ever, the idea of watching a crap load of shooting stars is ridiculously romanticized. Especially when the girl in question has a ridiculous crush on one of her dude friends. One of her dude friends who suggests an evening of meteor gazing.

OBVIOUSLY this was fate calling.

Except that we were a part of a fearsome threesome (Get that dirty image out of your minds, blog friends. Not THAT kind of threesome. Just FRIENDS. UGH. It’s like you don’t even know me.)

And so we made a plan. Robert, Cletus and I would venture out to the cornfields to watch the stars fly. I was so excited I thought I might pee myself. (Not really; that’s gross. It’s just an EXPRESSION, guys.)

Except that much like this weekend, it was FUCKING cold out.  (Don’t even get me started on the torrential flooding rains turned snowy icy death pellets two days later.) So we stayed up all night with a South Park marathon and left in the wee hours of the morning to watch the shower of meteors. After packing a comforter and some folding chairs, we were set.

We drove to the middle of nowhere, “parked” the car, and set up the chairs. In the middle of a dark two lane highway in the cornfields. And watched the stars. And it was GLORIOUS. For 5 whole minutes. Before both Cletus and Robert gave the fuck up. 5 minutes of stars and those whiny bitches were DONE?!? (I mean that with the utmost sincerity of love for my pals). I sat out there shivering for another 15 minutes before they made me pack up and get into the car.

I watched the stars out the window all the way back to Peoria in awe. This were some amazingly beautiful performance put on by the galaxy. And I wanted to soak it all in.

But the romanticized part about stargazing with one’s crush? Fucking ridiculous. That shit should be shared with EVERYONE. Except that now that I’m nearing 30, I’m old and cranky and can’t bear to think of waking up before 6:15 in the morning. Or going to bed after 11:30 at night. So no stars for me this week. But to all you stargazers out there, I’m with you in my mind.

Go visit Lily at It’s a Dome Life for more Monday Memories! If you’d like to join us next week, our topic is going to be: “Write about something you collected as a child.”

Ever seen a meteor shower, friends? How about a shooting star?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Monday Memories: How I Was Almost “Poisoned” by Cat Food

When I told you last week that the topic would be food for this week’s trip down memory lane…a lot of thoughts raced through my brain…Do I tell you a cheese story? Should I tell you about Orange Pop Night? All the things I’ve shot out my nose from laughter? Pool cheese? Yes, those are all stories in the making…but not today my good friends. Not today.

Today I’m going to tell you how I almost died (well…you know…sort of not really at all). I was maybe 7 years old, at best. I was wandering around the kitchen looking for a snack. Mom was on the phone and I saw some pieces of cereal lying on the counter. They looked kind of like Count Chocula (without the marshmallows), which was one of my favorite cereals. So I reached out for them.

I swear, they were begging to be eaten, those chocolatey pieces of goodness. I scooped up the few pieces that were there on the counter next to the stove top and popped them into my mouth. I chewed. I swallowed. I gagged. Those were DEFINITELY not Chocolatey cereal happiness. I looked around and I saw what I had previously missed…the spilled box of cat food. Right in front of my eyes.

I immediately envisioned my pending death. I’m only 7! I’m too young to die! Will it burn a hole in my stomach? Will I throw up? Is it going to grow a tree of mini cats in my tummy like gum does with gum trees? OHMIGODIMGOINGTODIE!

So I went over to my mom and panicked. She looked at me with that Mom-look, like “Hey, kid. I’m on the phone. Give me a break. You’re not dying.”

So I started crying. “I’m going to die!” As if it should surprise you, I’ve always had a flare for the dramatic. My mother put her pal on hold, and asked me what was wrong.

“I think I’m going to die because I ate cat food.”

And then my mom laughed at me. And she told me that I wasn’t going to die. Of course, at 7, I didn’t really think about the fact that the cat survived on cat food, shrimp cocktail, and cantaloupe-why couldn’t I? But my mom tried to explain this to me. And I just smiled and nodded, and planned my impending funeral. I had poisoned myself with cat food, and had succumbed to the fact that there was no way I could survive it.

And my mom laughed a little more. And told me to drink some water. To help the cat tree grow?

As it turns out, I did not actually die. And I survived the cat food incident with flying colors. As I got older (and my brother and cousin found themselves snacking on dog food and dog biscuits for fun), I realized that yes, in fact, cat food was safe to eat.

Do you have a crazy food story to share? Join up with us for Monday Memories!

 

Monday Memories

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Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!