Welcome to the Tundra…AKA Balls, It’s Cold Out There

It’s cold as fuck outside right now, Blog Friends…if you’re anywhere in the United States (except for you warm assholes on the west coast and parts of Florida and Texas-and I mean that with love. And jealousy. Mass amounts of jealousy.) or Canada.


In fact, the Midwest is pretty much as cold as an icy tundra way the fuck up north.

Hey Santa, I think you forgot your subzero temperatures when you dropped off our Christmas stockings last month…

These are the HIGHS for today...BEFORE the windchill, which is supposed to bring everything down into the super negative.  Source: The Weather Channel

These are the HIGHS for today…BEFORE the windchill, which is supposed to bring everything down into the super negative.
Source: The Weather Channel

Luckily for me, I have a boss who took my threats seriously (Dear boss, either we get to work from home on Monday or I’m calling in sick.) Looks like I’m working from home this morning.

I’m also lucky that I have hilarious friends. One of my very dear friends, who spends much of her snowbird winter on tropical vacations, is in the Chi for this bitterly cold front…She shared the following on Facebook:

Welcome to Chi-Beria

During this arctic tundra weather, I’m reminded of SnO-M-G, when we had the horrendous blizzard of all blizzards and then the temperatures dropped. And I did something really really stupid.

Snow Beach

After the last Snomageddon in January 2011, I made myself a snow beach in subzero weather in order to win a trip to Mexico. I didn’t win. But this picture will live on forever.

Aw hell, I’ll even throw in the ridiculous video of me thinking warm thoughts all the way to my snow throne.

I will not be leaving the warmth of my apartment today for ANY reason.

The positive of this whole, it’s-fucking-freezing-Mr.-Bigglesworth weather? We bought our ticket out of here for the end of the month. These baby snowbirds (snowchicks?) in training are headed to sunny Marco Island for a week of 70-80 degree bliss.

What are your arctic tundra meets ‘Merica plans? If you’re one of the jerks enjoying the heat of anything above freezing, don’t even bother rubbing it in. We’ll hunt you down.

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The 4 People on the Train That I Didn’t Miss While Working From Home Why do Gray Hairs Have to be so Kinky?


  1. My son is there for a conference and a job interview. Please take him some hot chocolate, a scarf, and some warm socks. Thank you. 🙂

  2. I shouldn’t say anything, right? Good luck and enjoy being in your house all day…

  3. We had the deep-freeze here in Montreal last week (-27 C plus windchill). The temperature went up to the freezing mark last night and brought the freezing rain, making everything a skating rink. Like you, nothing is getting me out of my apartment today! Sick day!!

  4. I love that you added Canada to the list.

    We had sub-zero shit going on last week. -33F with the windchill is barbaric by anyone’s standards. Last night we got just over 4 inches of snow which isn’t that bad except some time during the night there was freezing rain so you had to chip through a layer of ice to get to the snow that you had to clear off to get to your car. Lesson learned, keep an ice scraper in the house because when your car is a big block of ice you can’t get into it to get the damn ice scraper that you left in the trunk. Learn from my mistakes people!!!

  5. It’s insane how cold it is in the Midwest! And now that I’ve been a Californian for 3.5 yrs, I don’t know that I can ever move back. Hope you’re staying warm and sane!!

  6. Yeah, so right now it’s colder in my zip code, than ANYWHERE in Anchorage Alaska! P.s. My zip code is located in an area of the country that is normally referred to as “The South”, however, today it is being referred to as “This-fucking-sucks, areyoukiddingmerightnow.”

    Glad you are home and warm… and not in a bikini on a glacier, drinking Cosmos . Unless of course you are drunk enough to think that’s a good idea again. In that case, MORE VIDEO PLEASE!!!

  7. Chrissy, You made my day. I love your video and your photo, snow queen. I’m in Denver at it was -26F windchill this morning. Almost a warm front compared to other parts of the country. However, they are saying 50F tomorrow and 55F on Sunday when the Bronco’s play the Chargers. Things are looking up. Thanks for the laugh. 🙂

  8. I’m so glad that you explained that photo. Otherwise I was going to think you were nuts and/or become obsessed with you. I’m jealous of your ability to work from home… I just have to cross my fingers like a school kid and pray for enough ice that my boss calls it!

  9. Claudia Coons says

    I live in Norway (originally from California) so we’re used to the sub-zero temperatures. We’ve never had -70 degree weather here in Bergen although I do laugh at the California’s who complain about their “cold fronts”. I’ve had to dig our car out of a snow mountain. Until you’ve done that, don’t complain, haha!

  10. I gave up arizona for north dakota. Dumbest mive ever. Stay warm!

  11. Definitely glad to know there were purpose behind the photo. It is really too freaking cold. We have our heat pumped up so high I can’t breathe…but at least I stopped shivering.


  1. […] hear there’s another Polar Vortex thing happenng in the Chi. Fuck […]

  2. […] And you know how much I bitched when the Polar Vortex came to town? […]

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