Brian Shares Saturday: Poor Ebenezer and the Joy of Sriracha

For those of you who don’t already know, Brian and I decided on a pet sloth, who we will name Ebenezer Sherlock Pip. So if, you hear about one for sale (preferably a baby sloth that is already house broken), let me know!

That being said, Brian continues to look for additional ideas for the future menagerie… He recently sent me an ad for a koala.

My response?


Brian, of course, pushed the issue later when he got home from work, stating that a koala would be such a great pet… “They’re so cute and cuddly!”

I looked at him, and said, “He would rape and kill Ebenezer. Do you really want that to happen?”

“Good point. Okay, no koala. Maybe there will be an after-Christmas sloth sale?”

“Let’s hope!”

So later this week, Brian sent me Sriracha lip balm (twice).

I told him that I would wear the lip balm, if he would be wearing Sriracha boxer briefs.

Not surprisingly, he said no. This may or may not have been the 3rd or 4th time I’ve brought these up. Even though he looooooves the Sriracha…he just won’t wear the cool underwear.

You can buy both of these items at The Oatmeal, where you can also buy me the Grammar Pack for Christmas… where you can find lots of cool stuff!*

Have a great weekend!

*The Oatmeal did not pay me, solicit me, or even bother to check out my website to endorse them. *sigh* It would be super cool if they knew I existed, but until then I just think their shit is awesome and want to buy it all. I dream of the Grammar Pack often.
Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!
How I Sprained My Knee 3 Times in One Semester AKA The Fucking Strawberry A Christmas Memory


  1. lmao! my dh and i love sirracha too …practically grew up with the stuff …except we aren’t allowed to have any more spicy things in our diet….how sad…maybe cuz we had too much of it when we were young =((( loved the lip balm…i had to share it on fb! lol

  2. I want that lip balm! I feel like it would be the perfect gift for any occasion.

  3. Aww poor GumNut! LOL. Wowza that chapstick looks ridiculous! I actually think my husband would wear those boxer briefs if I bought them. πŸ˜‰

  4. It's A Dome Life says

    I am never getting a Koala Bear now. Crossing it off the old bucket list right now.

    I keep thinking about all of the Grandma’s that used to tell people to wear clean underwear in case they got into an accident.

  5. Oh I was laughing so hard when I read this. I never ever ever want to own a koala……leave them in their habitat. haha “cat raper”….lol

  6. Love The Oatmeal. Am a big fan of The Bob Cats.

  7. JoulesDellinger says

    So speaking of Koala rape (because that’s a subject that comes up oh so often in my life), I watched a show in Animal Planet a few years ago that scarred me for life. Basically it involved an almost Koala rape where the girl koala was saved by another boy koala… who then had consensual koala sex with her while staring at the would-be koala rapist. Ask me to tell this story when I see you in Chicago, I make faces and use hand motions and everything.*

    *Even better if drunk.

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