I May Not Have Won a Bloggie, but I did Win a Dance Off and That’s Good Enough for Me.

So, y’all remember how I’m an elite Yelper, right? The other night, I attended a sweet Elite event at my favorite breakfast restaurant, which happens to conveniently live across the street from me…for 17 more days.

At this delightful event, we were served mimosas, crepes and French toast…in our pajamas. And you know how I feel about breakfast. I love me a pajama jammy jam if there ever was one, and any opportunity to wear my sparkle camo slippers in public is a big win.

There are sequins on them, I swear. Also, don’t judge my Polish cankles.

Anyways, so I found out at about 7 that the Bloggies went and lied, saying they were tweeting the winners on March 31, but really they did it on the 30th. Whatevs. I was over it with three swigs of my mimosa. (I was honored to be nominated for THREE flippin’ categories, and it makes my heart happy that y’all supported me in this endeavor. So thank you!)

But THEN the Yelpy community manager, Candice was all, “Hey there’s a dance off!”

And I was all, “Pants on dance off, right? No public pants off dance offs, right?” Because sometimes you have to confirm that shit.

My pal, V, was chanting like “Do it! Do it! Do it!”

And I’m thinking to myself, Fuck. I’m not wearing a bra…

And then I thought…But I have mad dance skillz. 

OBVIOUSLY, I danced anyway…

And tied for first place. It was a great honor for sure, because my dance moves were rocking (not). I did the running man, the twist, the Chrissy (basically bounce around like a fool until someone tells you to sit down before you hurt yourself) and many more. And I looked like an ass. But people think I’m funny…or they feel sorry for me and I got a gift card to go back and get me some corned beef hash bennies (it’s the best corned beef hash ever. Even better than my own corned beef hash recipe!) *drool*

And here’s a video created by one of my favorite Yelpvendors Andres D., photographer/videographer extraordinaire!

Have you ever participated in or won a dance off? What did you win? Would you do it? What would you dooooo for a Klondike bar (or an ice cream sandwich cake)?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Rocking the Vote and (MOSTLY) a Shameless Plug

So today is Rock the Vote Day here in Illinois. It’s the primaries, and we all know how I feel about rocking the vote. So I’ll be heading to my polling place after work today, because I think the primaries are important too.

Of course, I couldn’t let the rock the vote opportunity just fade away when you, too, can rock a vote.

image

On that note, blog friends…I have to tell you something RIDICULOUSLY exciting…I haven’t mentioned it yet, and I feel kinda like a jerk for not telling you, because it’s a result of your awesomeness…

I’m a finalist in not one, not two, but THREE categories in The 2014 Weblog Awards. Best Writing, Most Humorous, and Weblog of the Year.

Last year, I was a finalist in Best Writing of a Weblog. And THE BLOGGESS offered to share her invisible trophy with me.

TheBloggess (TheBloggess) on Twitter 2013-05-22 22-54-19

I would LOVE for you to go and take a second to vote for me in the 2014 Bloggies. Several of my blogging besties have also been nominated, so if you would like to help them out with a vote, I know they’d appreciate it too!

Voting ends this weekend, so vote early, vote often!

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

I Always Wanted to be an American Idol…so Maybe Blogger Idol is IT for me

I’ve spent my entire life dreaming of being an American Idol…Back when they called it Star Search and Britney Spears was adorable. My cousin Rachel and I used to practice our dance routine and sometimes we’d get crazy by doing the jitterbug…you know…before they called it swing dancing. Then we would get the whole family together and perform in front of them. We’d sing Kokomo like it was the greatest song on the planet and then we would get a rousing applause from our parents and our grandparents.

The things I do to win prizes

The things I do to win prizes

But we never did make it onto Star Search.

Of course, once I hit the teen years, I dreamed of joining Colin and Amaya in Hawaiian paradise known as The Real World. Unfortunately, I was too young. And my mom said no. (THANKS A LOT, MOM!)

Pepperidge Farm Goldfish

Cool stuff just happens to me…

Then I wanted to be on Survivor, or partner up with my pal Cletus for The Amazing Race. But something always held me back. Whether it was the need for a job and money…or my penchant for injury, I just couldn’t make it work. Something about not being able to walk and chew gum at the same time made it almost impossible for me to be physically capable of the Survivor demands.

Shirtless Jesse Metcalfe Photoshopped

I can Photoshop like a boss.

So I gave up on reality TV. Thank God for that. I mean, with shows like Honey Boo Boo, 16 and Pregnant, The Kardashians and I don’t even know what else,  TV is making people dumber. And I’m not one to join up in losing my mind. Besides, I don’t really need help with that one. I’m doing a fine job of losing my mind on my own terms.

Chef Quirky Chrissy

I cook like a rockstar

And then I went the blogger route. If I can make it big in the blogging world, people will DEFINITELY love me. So here I am, auditioning for Blogger Idol. Like it’s my job. (You know, the one that doesn’t pay me.)

dolphin love

And finally, I find joy in the little things

So if you love me, and I know that you do…you’ll tell them that they should most certainly pick me. Choose me. Love me.

 

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Let Me Tell You a Little Story About This One Time at BlogHer…

As you may know are obviously aware, I was at BlogHer this weekend. As you may also know, I am. The world’s. Biggest. Flake.

Shit happens to me. I can’t explain how. Or why. But crazy things happen to me. That’s what you love about me, amiright?

Background story

So on Saturday, I was not feeling great at all. Friday night was a whirlwind of hungry, and I slammed 4 different sausages and some cheese fries (be damned what was in any of it…I was fucking hungry) at about 9pm. Then some wine and lamb chops at Queerosphere, and by midnight when I passed out, I thought all would be great with the world. I had a not-so-fun 4am “wake up call” from my body. Either there was gluten in the food or the mass quantities of greasy food were not thrilled with me.

I had spent the last 3 day exhausted.

I digress. On to Saturday.

I wore the worst bra ever, which I snuck off behind a curtain to remove at about 10:30 in the morning. I was bra-less. In Yoga pants. And happy. Sort of.

So I was tired. And not feeling great. And for some idiotic reason, I don’t think I drank enough water. So by 2:30 in the afternoon, I was BEAT. My head hurt. I had vertigo like nobody’s business. And I was done with the sessions and the expo floor.So I headed down to the bus to go take a nap. And got on the bus. Except that Walgreens tweeted me to say, “What’s up?! You won our bag o’ drugs!” Ok, not real drugs, y’all. Vitamins and pain reliever and allergy meds. HELL YES.  And I was a WINNER. So I climbed off the bus. Dragged my ass upstairs. And retrieved my prize. Which was TOTALLY worth it.

If I was smart, at this point I would have checked my spam folder to see if That One Other Company That I Signed Up to Win a Contest With was saying “What’s up?! You won something fucking sweet!” because I had been bugging them all day to win and they were scared of me. (The guy LITERALLY said, “You scarin’ me!” But he was joking and I wasn’t REALLY scary. I was just all, “I wanna win!” in a happy, cheerful, very non-scary way.) But I didn’t.

And I crawled back to the bus. Tired. Ready for a nap, some dramamine and some water. I got back to the hotel room, with 4 bags full of joyful swag. and my key wouldn’t work.

Motherfuck.

Instead of walking back down to the lobby, I called from my cell phone. I told the guy I wasn’t feeling well and just wanted to sleep. He even offered to send up tea, along with a new key.

Security came up. They checked to make sure I was me. And then I got into my room. I took off my shoes and my shirt (I had a white tank top on under it, though!) I called Brian, chugged a TON of water, laid down for a good half hour, waiting for my key and my tea. I checked my e-mail and my spam folder.

And Oh. My. God.

I had won.

I won the Grand Prize from That One Company.

I had to be there before 5 to claim it. I responded, I’m at the hotel! I’ll be there soon! The adrenaline changed how I felt instantly (okay, and the gallon of water I had been slamming).

I jumped up. I put shoes on. I ran out the door.

For those of you not keeping track, I was bra-less. I was practically shirt-less. And I was definitely key-less.

Yes. I ran out of the hotel room and didn’t realize until I started to run toward the elevator that my tits were bouncing around like nobody’s business in a see-through white tank top. Awesome.

I considered going anyway. Because it was now 4:30. And I had 30 minutes to claim my grand prize.

I asked the maid to let me in. She said no. But she called security for me.

At that moment, Katie arrived. And she sensed my panic and asked if everything was okay. I think words came out of my mouth to explain, but I’m not sure. I put a bra and a shirt on, and raced out. And then raced back in because I forgot my conference badge.

I raced to the bus. I told them that I had won the GRAND PRIZE I needed to get back to the conference center by 5. The lady sounded impressed and she said, “Well go now!” And she told the driver to leave. It was like a movie.

We left and had a lovely chat as I caught my breath.

I arrived at the conference center, just in the knick of time. I ran up the escalator. I ran to the booth.

It was the moment when I told them I was the Grand Prize winner and I heard them utter the words, “Caribbean blue,” that I knew…

I was about to receive something I didn’t want. Something I didn’t need.

An iPhone 5 case. For my Samsung Galaxy III. I told them as much. So they gave me the EXACT. SAME. Galaxy IIII case that they had given me earlier. Except this one didn’t come with the free matching nail polish.

I can’t blame them, because I mean…shit guys, it was free stuff. But maybe they shouldn’t label every prize as a GRAND prize. Regardless, they were really nice…and the humor of the story is HOW I got there…not WHAT I got there.

Tell me blog friends, what would you have done in my situation?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Me, Myself, and the Bouquet

Dear Lyssa of Psychobabble,

Recently, you announced your online wedding to Shirtless Ryan Gosling (henceforth in this post and future posts as SRG). I am so utterly happy for you that I can’t begin to find the right words.

Of course, I was also incredibly disappointed that as your future sister-in-law in the Shirtless family, I wasn’t automatically invited to be a bridesmaid. Even moreso, I was very sad to discover that I was going to have to DUKE IT OUT to catch the bouquet. This is emotionally difficult for me, since…well…you know how I feel about my imaginary  internet boyfriend Shirtless Jesse Metcalfe and what catching the bouquet would mean to me us.

Shirtless Jesse Metcalfe Photoshopped

Aren’t we a cute couple?

And so, I’ve compiled this photo blog post for you, Lyssa…to make the right decision.

Because I have bouquet toss HISTORY. I mean…the first time I caught the bouquet, the bride’s sister was all whine whine whine “IIIIII wanted to catch my sister’s bouquet” so I was all wine wine wine, “FINE.”

After that, catching the bouquet was a competition. One I was determined to win. At least, in the weddings I stood up in. And one or two others…

The first two weddings were competitions with Katie (who I beat out both times and she STILL got married before me…)

Bouquet Toss Wedding

Katie and I were both vying for this bouquet, since we both gave the MOH speech.

Bouquet toss drama

I wish I had the awesome picture, BROOKE, that really went with this wedding. I was airborn and vicious and victorious all at the same time…Again, Katie and I were both hoping for a piece of the action. I think it’s because I’m bigger than her that I always win…

funny bridesmaid photos

I make an excellent and FUN bridesmaid…I’ll get you liquored up and make you take funny photos…BEFORE the reception. This bride had a married bridesmaid directing her where to throw the bouquet (where I was standing) because I may or may not have threatened physical harm…

bouquet drama

This was when Katie got married. She practically handed me the bouquet. It probably didn’t help that my ex-boyfriend’s fiance was standing right next to me…

Bouquet Toss Drama

Her bouquet broke into 3 pieces when it flew…She didn’t want me hurting her niece who got to be the flower girl, even though Katie wanted that job since before flower girl was BORN…

Bouquet toss

At her bachelorette party, I told her I was vicious and should probably catch her bouquet…I’m sure it helped that I was one of 2 of our friends still unmarried…hopefully Shirtless Jesse Metcalfe will fix that after YOUR wedding, Lyssa…

Bouquet Toss Winner Halloween Costume

A few years ago, I went as the bouquet toss winner for Halloween. You’ll note the crutches (Yes, crutches AND high heels, all for the sake of Halloween, LYSSA), the bruising, the scratches on my arms…the fake nails glued into the dress…the bloody nose…you can’t see the ripped out earring with blood on the other ear…the ripped to shreds bridesmaid dress. Yep. All me. All true. Make it happen again.

Dear Blog Friends,

Please tell Lyssa that you think I should be her bouquet toss winner. Because it’s not about what winning the bouquet MEANS. It’s about taking out the competition.

Thank you for your time. I know that SRG and you will be very happy together. But happier still if I’m there. Shirtless Jesse Metcalfe and I hope you make the right decision.

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

My Year as a Professional Contest Winner

The end of 2012 is near, and it’s time to reflect on the year. Each year is dubbed with a theme. 2010 was the experimental year… 2011 was the year I found Mr. Wonderful AND the career of my dreams.

2012 was my year as a professional contest winner. With the loss of my job in  January, I spent the majority of the year searching. And searching. And searching. I worked a summer position teaching reading comprehension (SO COOL!) I worked some freelance jobs and short term gigs, but still haven’t found my home in the copywriting world.

While I was waiting. And writing. And searching. I found myself winning contest after contest. $50 gift cards here. $50 gift cards there. A furniture set that was later yoinked from under me (I don’t really dig the Mix. Their communication wasn’t exactly stellar. I faxed them their paperwork…and yet they never managed to “receive” it. PSHA I say. They gave the set to the runner up. Whatever. It wasn’t the greatest set anyways. Our couch is WAY better.)

sweet couch

This is me testing out our sweet couch before we bought it.

In total I won the following this year:

  • Free food and stuff from McDonald’s
  • $50 Gift Card to Ultra Foods
  • $100 Gift Card to Victoria’s Secret
  • A Hair Flat Iron
  • $50 Carson’s Gift Card
  • 2-$10 Von Maur Gift Cards
  • 4-$20 Yorktown Mall Gift Cards
  • $80 in Certificates for JC Penney from their amazing Merry Christmas promotion

I think I did alright. I mean…Really…who wins that much shit in a year? It’s like I won the lottery…but instead of wasting money on lottery tickets, I ate a lot of Egg McMuffins on a biscuit instead of a muffin.

The Many Faces of a Professional Winner

this is what a winner looks like

this is what a winner looks like this is what a winner looks like

 

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

It is Day 100!

That’s right friends, It’s Day 100 here at the wonderful world of Quirky Chrissy. 100 blog posts. 100 stories. 100 times Chrissy. So I’m stoked. Plus I’ve got a super special announcement…

But anyways, Day 100…

It makes me think of the early days of elementary school, when there was a song/jingle dedicated to Day 100 (sung to the tune of “It’s a Small World”), everyone was asked to bring in 100 of something small that could fit into a gallon sized ziplock bag, and we got cookies shaped like 100.

Why Day 100 was such a celebration, I’ll never know…but the vision of 5 year old Chrissy, bringing in a bag of 100 bottle caps (yes–BEER bottle caps) is priceless. Oh yes, folks, in addition to creating a picture of my future self as a bartender (when prompted to draw what we wanted to be when we grew up) at the tender age of five, I managed to bring in a giant bag of beer-soaked bottle caps.

Oh-right…some of you are new. My family used to own a bar.

But yeah. Bottle caps. Most kids brought in paper clips or pennies…I brought in bottle caps. And I’m pretty sure it was my idea. And by the time I was five…if I had an idea, I wasn’t going to let anyone tell me differently. Just like the time I decided I was never going to love a pair of jeans the way I loved my paint splatter ones in kindergarten…and refused to wear jeans for the next five years…Or the many times that I stubbornly refused to take off the adorable red floral summer skirt that I loved…in December. When I had no matching shirt. With red cowboy boots.

Right. Stubborn.

In other news, I’m giving away my sweet prize package today which includes:

  • A *used* copy of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (I buy them used…lots of them…it’s good practice so that when the gov’ment decides that they’re no longer appropriate or wants to change things, I can still distribute the good stuff)
  • A sweet official Disney trading pin (They’re freakin’ awesome–be excited!)
  •  A surprise pack of goodies from Trader Joe’s that includes cheese, cookies, and other favorites. (Unfortunately, it’s not easy to send really delicious cheese…so cheese flavored products will have to suffice)

And now, to announce the winner!

Contest Winner Announced

I put your names into a hat

Picking the winner

Brian as my witness, I promise I didn’t cheat!

Contest Winner is...

And the winner is…

Lily from It's a Dome Life

The winner of Chrissy's Favorite Things

Lily from It’s a Dome Life!!!!

Chrissy Photo Shoot

Brian kept snapping pictures…

Hamming for the Cam

So I hammed it up-photo shoot style…

Raining Winners

And did the funniest thing that I could think of…It’s raining contestants!

So congrats to Miss Lily, for her excellence in whoring out my little blog, (she got the most entries, so the odds were already in her favor, people) and winning the random hat drawing!

I would take a picture of the prize pack, but as you’ll see I didn’t really give the details of the pack…

I’ve found that it’s more fun to receive a box of unknown goodies…then it’s like Christmas!

In conclusion, happy Day 100! Lily, congrats on winning the prize pack! Stay tuned for more fun. More excitement. And oh right… I did promise a special announcement…

Coming Soon: Quirky Chrissy: The Foodie Section

 

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

If I Had a Million Dollars

All this talk about winning a million dollars from McDonald’s Monopoly has got me thinking… What would I do with a million dollars?

Well, the smart thing would be to put it into some type of trust in which I live off the interest…But let’s be honest… this post wouldn’t be any fun that way.

If I had a million dollars–I’d be responsible and pay off my car/super minimal credit debit (which mostly revolves around an obsession with Victoria’s Secret sweat pants and free gifts).

I’d sell the car I just paid off…because it’s bad luck as evident… oh wait I haven’t posted any of the Jelliebean Car stories yet…

I’d buy a new car to replace the one I just sold.

My Future Pink Car

To be specific, I’d buy this car.

I’d buy a cute little house with cash…and save some money for my first few years of taxes…

I’d give my parents and brother money (he doesn’t have babies–so he gets $$ outright). I’d set up some type of CD or trust for my sister’s children and my cousin’s children for college.

I’d donate chunks of money to the following organizations: The American Cancer Society, The Make-A-Wish Foundation, The National MS Society, and Autism Speaks.

I’d donate money to my Alma Mater, Bradley University, on the condition that they use it to start a football team. I’d pay off my student loans.

I’d go on the following vacations with my man: Wine Country, European Tour, Relaxing Irish Vacation, Australia, & Rio 2016 Olympics.

I’d buy the following small, but pricey items: a fancy TV, a fancy phone, a fancy Keurig, a fancy laptop, and a really amazing squishy couch to put in my new house.

I’d let Brian quit his job and live off my resources for a little while (it’s only fair right?) but then he’d have to go get a new job eventually…one that he loves a whole lot.

Or he could work at the Cheese Shop I’m going to buy. and open. and run. Mmmm cheese…. and the Cheesy restaurant that goes with it. “Cheese with Whine” I’m thinking sassy servers in an elegant dining atmosphere. Top notch service with an extra side of sass. And lots of cheese. Fucking everything will have cheese in or on it.

OOh! Speaking of restaurants, I’d spend like a thousand dollars on one ridiculously fancy dinner.

What? You think I spent more than a million dollars? *sigh* Winning is tough work.

I guess I’d have to keep my job.

 

 

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!