This is why I’m not good at surprises

Calling all of my massage therapists in a tizzy on Sunday morning, I had hoped to scheduled a same-day appointment. To my dismay, none were available. So I did the next best thing. I scheduled an appointment for Monday morning.

Brian overheard my call, and yelled up to me, “Wait. What time did you schedule it for?”

“9am. You’ll be sleeping.”

“Well, there’s the brunch thing for my aunt.”

I vaguely remember him mentioning this and not having any other details. “What time?”

“11.”

“Where?”

“I don’t know. Somewhere out by them.”

His uncertainty irritated me, and I immediately wished he was better about remembering details. I mentally calculated the time it would take to get approximately to his cousins’ and assumed I was fine with my appointment.

Over the course of Sunday, I asked Brian for details on the brunch at least 5 times. And each time, he brushed it off with ‘yeahs’ and ‘probablys’ and ‘oh I have to text my cousins’.

I suggested he set an alarm as I wouldn’t be there to make sure he was up and told him that I’d get home and we’d leave straight away.

On Monday morning, I asked Brian again, “Where are we going?”

And he still didn’t have an answer. Half-asleep, he told me, I’ll find out. Just go. So I didn’t have a lot of stock in this brunch thing, and I put on my favorite pair of tie-dye yoga pants and left the house.

After my massage, I assumed I’d have a few minutes to stop in the store next to Massage Envy for a quick peek. I figured it would take about a half hour to get to brunch, and I definitely thought Brian would still be slowly waking up.
As I got into the car, Brian texted me, “How’s it going?”

I told him I was on my way, and then, thinking about my outfit choice, decided to call him. “Where are we going, babe?”

His own mental calculations had done their due diligence and he realized I was probably hungry…and looking forward to brunch, as it’s one of my favorite meals.

“We’re going to Peggy Notebaert Nature Museum to see a man about a sloth.”

Wait, what?

“For brunch?”

“No, there’s no brunch.”

“Will there be food?”

Well, guys, I’ve learned something about myself, and it’s that food is always a priority. Then panic. Then excitement.

My peddle to the metal, I jetted home while talking Brian through some sort of rapid food prep.”Toast the bagel on the counter! Quick! Okay fine, I’ll just eat my leftover sammy from Panera.Gah! I’m not dressed for a sloth!”

My heart was racing a mile a minute, and I thought I might have a full-blown meltdown as I ran into the house, climbed the stairs and hunted for my slothwear. It’s  kind of amazing and crazy how excitement, anxiety, and fear all kind of have the same feelings inside you. I didn’t know whether to run, scream, or cry. I thanked God I had recently cleaned, and I knew the sloth shirt was hanging and my sloth socks were paired in my sock drawer. I painted on a little lipstick and eyeliner, brushed and dry-shampooed my hair, and ran back downstairs. I was panicked and excited and nervous and thrilled and couldn’t even believe I WAS GOING TO MEET A SLOTH!!

Brian noted my anxiety (and extreme lateness, because I’m a gigantic dickhead) and felt terrible. “I should have known better than to try to surprise you. I realized too late you were probably planning your food schedule around brunch. And you get a lot of joy around anticipation. You would have been flying high all weekend on this.”

I probably would have, but you guys…Brian was taking his day off work to DRIVE into the city and take me to see the sloth, even though we all know he would have much preferred to be at home sleeping and vegging out.

While we drove, I googled the sloth, and found out that it was a show with several animals, and that I would be able to pet Steve. I also found out that for about $275, Steve could come to my birthday party for an hour…

Brian’s cousin texted and said the sloth was last, so unless we were an hour late, we wouldn’t miss him.

We missed the flying fox, hedgehog, and fruit bat, but we got to meet a chinchilla, armadillo, kinkajou, and bat-eared fox before the main event.


There he was. In all his Steve glory. I loved him as soon as I saw him. He clung to the chair and languidly moved, enjoying the tasty sweet potatoes from his trainer. As he appeared a mere 15 feet un front of me, looking so adorable, tears started splashing down my cheek. It was really real. He was there. And I would get to pet him.

I got in line between several toddlers who had no idea how lucky they were.

Quirky Chrissy petting the adorable Steve the Sloth.

My red face? That’s because of the crying.



The woman in charge said we (all the toddlers and I) could give Steve two pets. But I gave him three, and I made them last. Slow and gentle, just like Steve. You can see where my eyes say, “I’m going for the third pet” in the video Brian was kind enough to capture for me.


We stayed until Steve left, watching him, soaking in all the amazingness of Steve and his slothy goodness. Afterward, Brian and I walked around Lincoln Park Zoo and saw ANOTHER sloth! And it was pretty much the best day ever.

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Brian Shares Saturday: Dolphins, Sloth in Space and Creepy Koala

I know. You’ve missed him. He’s one of those contributors that a real humor blog needs to keep things short, sweet and amusing. It’s been a very long couple of months, and so Brian was sending less and less cute and funny stuff. But alas! He’s back! And this week he sent me three wonderfully fun images to share with you.

creepy koala on a car

The koala looks so creepy!!

Dolphins colliding

These poor dolphins made one misswim…and BAM! Collision

sloth in space suit

One small step for sloth. One giant step for slothkind.

Have a great Saturday everyone!

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Secret Santa Sans Santa

Sorry for not posting yesterday, friends! I had a lovely trek into the big city during the winter snow “storm” and think I may have landed a pretty spectacular job. But enough excuses…This was supposed to fly yesterday…

Some of you may remember way back in the fall, when I joined Pocketful of Joules and some other bloggers in a Fall Secret Swap. Much like Secret Santa, we were secretly paired with another blogger, and sent them a little token of joy to brighten their day. Because EVERYONE loves mail. Don’t you?

I had a lot of fun with it the first time around (in which I sent The B(itch) a funky Chi-town poster and I received an AWESOME Nyan Cat scarf from Chewylicious), and decided definitely for sure, I was in for Round 2.

I forgot to give Joules my new contact information, so the package was delivered to the parents’ house this weekend. I was SUPER excited. When I finally got to open it up, I was even more stoked. A really awesome journal greeted me inside the mailing envelope. At first I thought, OMG. This matches my mug. The mug that was ALSO a Secret Santa gift from a couple of years ago that my dear friend, Carla, gave me (crazy right?)

inspirational coffee mug

Love this mug.

Upon further inspection when I arrived home (yeah, I may have opened it while driving home from the parents house…I mean…I was at a stoplight, MOM. Stop worrying), I realized that it was not a match, but still a complement to the mug…

inspirational journal

AWESOME.

OK, so I’m one of those people that is SUPER easy to buy for. I love EVERYTHING. Inspire me. Make me laugh. I’m easily distracted by sparkles and fluff and pink stuff. I would be entertained with a refrigerator box. That being said…This journal is AWESOME. My swapper done good.

She even wrote a little note on the inside (as anyone should do when they send a book or journal).

Journal message

Don’t worry, I’m a procrastinator too! And I have a lot of dreams…quirky ones and normal ones! 🙂 I hope they all come true too.

Seriously, I was the last swapper to mail out her gift last time. I felt bad, but it was REALLY hard to find the perfect gift for Heather [The B(itch)], a Chicago native.

Now, I’m supposed to GUESS who my swapper was…

After careful consideration, and sneakily stalking the locations of the potential Secret Swappers…I narrowed it down to Baby Shmizz and Mom-spirational…

And my guess is….

MOM-SPIRATIONAL

Let me know if I’m right!

Thank you so much to my swapper! I love the gift and can’t wait to use it!

Today’s Post is Dedicated to…

And you thought I would forget. I told you on Monday, that I was dedicating each blog post this week to a blogger or two and today is no different. (Yay for me meeting The Bloggess on Thursday!!!)

Pocketful of Joules

I was introduced to Joules, through Katie, when she started the blogger swap last fall. I love the blog, because she’s SO MUCH MORE than a mom-blogger. She has all sorts of crafty DIY home improvement projects, honest product reviews, an affection for marshmallows that can only be matched by my obsession with cheese…and she’s hilarious with a side of road rage. So, go visit Joules. And send her marshmallows. Because if someone were shamelessly plugging me, I’d want them to tell you to send cheese.

Happy Hump Day, Y’all! No WTF today! Just pure bloggie joy. And sloths.

Wednesday Sloth

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Brian Shares Saturday: Because Baby Polar Bears Make Me Cry

So Brian shared this adorable baby polar bear video.

And then I fell in love with the baby polar bear, Knut. And clicked to watch more videos of said pet polar bear… And ended up watching this video…that made me cry. (WARNING: This video MIGHT make you cry.)

If you watched it, you can see why I cried. If you didn’t watch it…Spoiler alert: Knut dies from some type of brain damage…which is likely why he was abandoned by his mother and had to be raised by humans.

Saddest. Thing. Ever. And it was all Brian’s fault for showing me the cute baby polar bear learning how to walk. He has since learned not to send me videos of cute animals unless he has checked out what I’ll click into next.

And now, some Saturday humor to cheer you up after the sad video:

Seven Deadly Sins? SLOTH?

Sloth and seven deadly sins

Right? I mean, seriously…does this little guy look like he’s deadly? Or sinning? I didn’t think so either.

sloth and flowers

Chrissy and Brian

kangaroo animated gif
Brian sent me this animated gif…and I was like “Bwahahahaha! That’s you and me! Guess which one is you?”

And Brian was all, “Hey!” Except that he knew it was true. Because I’m a bit spazzy. And I totally steal his food. Often. Especially when it’s Portillo’s cheese fries. I’m just saying.

The Zombie Security Protection Plan

Brian discovered this as the perfect way to protect our future house from unwanted zombies…

zombie protection

Don’t you want one too?

That’s all for today, folks! Tomorrow I’m running into Lake Michigan to raise money for the Special Olympics. If you have a dollar or two to spare, consider donating it through my Polar Plunge Fundraising Page. Thanks!

 

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Brian Shares Saturday: He’s Back in Full Force

Well, let’s start with a little something Brian did NOT share, but he certainly made his opinion known.

Drunk Puppy

So Ash from That Ash Girl sent me this video. And it was the cutest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. So watch it. Watch it now.


And I felt the need to show Brian, because it was (I repeat) the cutest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.

Here was the conversation that followed:

Me: wants
Brian: that video played a “get a free bible, mormon commercial”… haahaha! People came to my door in college with the same thing so I asked them for a bible written in Hebrew… which is why I have a bible all written in Hebrew in my bookshelves
Me: seriously?
Me: Secondly, that’s all you have to say about the SERIOUS cuteness of that horribly named pup?
Brian: I think it was drunk.  It kept wobbling around and falling down.
Me: UGH
Brian: ?
Me: You!
Brian: That puppy was CLEARLY drunk off his ass! He couldn’t string together a coherent sentence… probably couldn’t say the alphabet, let alone backwards…couldn’t walk a straight line…probably couldn’t touch his paws to his nose. He even had that reddish nose that some chronic alcoholics get.  Drunk!
Me: Unacceptable.
  A few minutes later…
Me: So can we get one?

He never did respond to that…

Here’s the dog tag that we’ll get our future pup who will NOT be named Tebow.

If you can read this I will lick you funny dog tag

 

More of Our Future Pets

The Lizard Attacking a Grape

Brian almost didn’t send this to me…but I was standing over his shoulder while he was trolling through Reddit. And when he watched this I said, “You better send that to me!” and of course, he did, because it would not have been nice if he did not. And then I would not have made him a delicious Irish Breakfast the next day with all the Irish meaty goodness and everything fried in the same pan, even the tomatoes and onions and eggs.

But he did send it, and so like I do on Sundays at Brian’s mom’s, I made an Irish Fry and it was delightful. Whoever invented Irish sausages (bangers, white pudding, and black pudding) should seriously win an award. It’s kind of funny because I eat all the delicious Irish food and drink tea with milk when I’m with Brian’s Irish family and they always forget that I’m Irish…and they say things like, “Are you sure you’re Polish and not Irish?” And then I tell them that I’m Polish AND Irish. And I love breakfast. And breakfast sausage. And tea kind of grew on me (though I still love me some coffee Monday-Friday and sometimes Saturday when I’m home with my Keurig and not at Brian’s mom’s house.)

Anyways…sorry for the LONG distracted ramble. (Not really.)

Pet Dolphins on Vacation in Florida

So, right after Christmas, Brian was talking to his dad about how he has several vacation days that he needs to use by February…And his dad was all, “You should come visit!” (Brian has made his way down to Florida during many a January/February to visit his dad & get some Vitamin D/warm weather…so this wasn’t a total out of the blue idea.)

Brian made the mistake of mentioning this to me…And I got so excited. I have a love affair with Florida that cannot be matched. (Obviously, we’re going. I mean…you get an idea into my head…and it sort of happens.) This will be my 8th trip to The Sunshine State. The 3rd in a 12 month period. Speaking of Florida, check out the article that Brian sent me about Disney World.

So Brian sent me this awesome picture of dolphins in Google Maps from Marco Island (where we’ll be going). My pet dolphins miss me. They want to play in the canals with us again! I just know it.

Our Pets: Baby Sloth and Baby Platypus

If you didn’t read my sonnet to Yelp, go do that now. I can wait…

OK, now, if you don’t know about our future pet sloth…you’ve got a lot of reading to catch up on.

Now that you’re on the same page as me… here are our future baby pets. Aren’t the sweet?

baby platypus baby sloth

Random Internet Pictures and Obligatory Kitten gif

kitten attack gif dog playing fetch with a statue baby turtle on big turtle

The Castle: Our Future Home

beautiful castle

Have a great weekend!

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Brian Shares Saturday: In Which Brian Cheers Me Up with Nerd Stuff

I can’t believe it’s only a few weeks until Christmas!!! Aren’t you so excited?

Brian knows that my love of Christmas is strong…which is why he not only humored me by participating in the best Christmas card ever this week, he also helped plan it out. It’s brilliant. I may have a few left if you still want one…but it’s first come, first serve.

Here’s a sort of sneak peak…

Christmas cards from Quirky Chrissy

This is NOT our Christmas card picture. It was just part of the photo shoot…

Back to the usual shares…

This week wasn’t my finest hour. I’ve been having some overwhelming feelings of not excitement because I would like to be gainfully employed with a company that is awesome. Freelancing can be fun, but it’s not constant. Plus, I miss that whole team environment that comes with a job. Brian knows what’s up though, so he’s always trying to cheer me up.

The Sloth

As you well know, sloths are kind of a big deal in this house. So he still sends me the cute sloth sitting in his desk. Sorry guys, that picture just never gets old. Ever. One day, we will have a sloth named Ebenezer. And it will be wonderful.

You Think You Had a Bad Day…

So Brian sent me this amazing link to 19 gifs of pure joy. 19 people who’ve most definitely had a worse day than me. Believe me, it’s worth clicking this link. I don’t know how or where Brian finds this shit…but it’s freakin’ awesome.

Nerdy Physics Stuff

On one of our dates in the first few months of our relationship, Brian took me to a physics discussion on Dark Matter at Fermi Lab, which is a cool science facility practically in our backyard. I was unsure as to whether it was a good idea, but he seemed so excited about it that I agreed to go. Other than it being long and during dinner time and I forgot to bring snacks so I was a little cranky, it was really cool.

So when Brian discovered this article on “something cooler than dark matter,” and came home all excited about it, I knew I had to share it with you. Perhaps you sciency and nerdy types will enjoy it. If you’re not into that, I understand…I’ve got something for you, too…

Reading Gaming Goodness

For the literati and the gamers, Brian found this most amazing comic strip in the history of ever. When I taught high school freshman, one of my favorite short stories was The Most Dangerous Game. If you have not read it before, take a few minutes and go read the story first. The full text is linked above. It’s short. I’ll wait.

Read it? Fab.

So now you know the surprise ending to The Most Dangerous Game (and if you don’t…seriously go read that shit. it will blow your mind. Maybe. At the very least, you’ll be just a little bit smarter for having read it.)

Brian sent me a comic strip called, The Most Dangerous Gamer.

Hysterical right? The competition. The angry I’m-better-than-that-guy gamer mentality. The winner. Brilliant.

An Overabundance of Cute

cute pup rolling over

Yawning puppy

OH! And this is what happened when Brian discovered Google Drives has a survey format…He created a survey for me. I mean seriously. I almost said no because it was an option! If I made one the choices would be, “Yes, Of course, Absolutely, or Definitely.”

In all seriousness, though guys… Do I not have the best boyfriend in the world? I don’t know where he finds it all, but I’m always smiling.

Hollywood Studios Picture

 

 

 

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!