I Get Into Fights In My Sleep, But Nothing Compares To Those Reindeer Dreams

It’s a thing, okay. It’s been a thing since I was a little kid. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and have complete, albeit random and sometimes weird, conversations with people.

The following stories are hearsay. They are my memories of stories from my friends and family. I cannot confirm or deny my sleep talking.

I’ve gotten in fights in my sleep.

I’ll never forget camping with my best friends from grade school for my I don’t know – tenth birthday or something – and we were all sleeping on the top bunk of the motorhome (yeah, my family was cool enough to have a motorhome). The friend sleeping beside me heard me mumble in my sleep, “Oh no you don’t!” which, on it’s own, seems pretty innocent…But when her sister, who was sleeping with her feet to our heads in the middle of us, woke up with a gigantic bruise on her arm where my leg was…and I woke up with a small bruise on MY arm where HER leg was…the midnight tale seemed pretty clear.

Another time, my cousins and I were having a sleepover, and apparently I always fell asleep early. I woke up in the middle of the night while they were playing and watching TV and demanded, “WHERE’S MY PEN?!” I suppose I said this a few times before passing back the fuck out.

There’ve been several other instances of sleep talking in my world, especially with Brian. He always tells me the next morning, “You were talking a lot last night.”

And then I tell him he needs to start remembering what I say.

So this morning. This happened.

I talk in my sleep

I’m pretty sure I…

  1. Have the BEST boyfriend in the world who sends me e-mails when I’m sleeping.

and…

  1. HAVE THE BEST FUCKING DREAMS EVER.

 

Blog friends, do you talk in your sleep? Sleepwalk? Do you hear stories about shit you did while you were under the influence of the sandman? Do you dream about reindeer? Because you should. What do you dream about?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Confession Friday: I’m a Bedtime Bully

It’s true. I’ve gotten in fights in my sleep. Multiple times.

When I was about 9 or 10, 3 of us were sharing a bed. Sleeping staggered. The girl who was sleeping directly next to me heard me, in the middle of the night, say, “Oh no you don’t!”

This may not sound like a fight…but when I woke up with a little bruise on my arm, and the girl whose feet were near me shoulder woke up with a bruise the size of Texas, we did the math…whoops!

Another time, when my cousin, sister, and I were having a slumber party, I was always the first to fall asleep. I like my sleep. But I woke up one night, and started yelling at them. “Where’s my pen!?!? I know you have it! Where is it?!?!” I swear I’m not crazy… I was just dreaming.

When Brian and I first started dating, I talked in my sleep a lot. I would have whole conversations that didn’t make a whole lot of sense. I don’t do that anymore, but I do occasionally still punch him in my sleep. Which wakes us both up. I don’t mean to do it…but my hand will somehow end up on his head or chest, which terrifies him to awake mode, and in a panic he calls out and wakes me up in a panic. It’s mostly a big ole mess.

Not only do I start fights, but I also steal covers. Anyone who has ever shared a bed with me knows this. My girlfriends can all attest to my bedtime bully tendencies. Brian and I usually have our own set over covers so that neither of us end up shivering…

And of course, that’s still not all…I’ve accidentally pushed people out of bed in my sleep. Clearly it wasn’t intentional, but still rather unpleasant all the same.

I don’t mean to beat up on the sleeping…I mean…I’ve even had my own fair share of falls out of bed. (One time I woke up in a pile of comforters chewing on my blankie.)

But you know what? I blame the badger face. (The badger face is this horrible face that I make when I sleep.) People are always so judgmental of the badger face that sleep induced Chrissy is worried that everyone is secretly judging her in her sleep. Which obviously, they are. Jerks.

So I’m a bedtime bully.

 

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!