Things I Learned this Weekend: Central Illinois Edition

I spent the weekend in Peoria with some of my best friends. We stayed with my pal Brooke, her husband, their 3 y/o daughter, and 3 dogs.

Of course, a trip to Peoria/Pekin wouldn’t be complete without a visit with Katie, as well. So on Sunday, we dined with Katie and her husband.

Then we got home and the Bears won their 3rd game in a row, even if my Fantasy team could be doing a smidge better.

All around, it was an excellent weekend.

I thought I would share with you some of the very valuable lessons I learned on this little trip.

1. Hilary Clinton is from Chicago. Who knew? Apparently, not me. Why we talked about the origins of politicians is beyond me.

2. Cows float. Did you know that? I didnt. I figured they all just…sunk. Most 4-legged creatures float. Apparently, having 4 legs balances them out, so their lungs keep their heads above water.

3. Humans are the only apes that can swim or float.

4. Deer swim like 100 miles into Lake Michigan (known as The Lake to Chicagoans). This terrifies me, and I’m never going in The Lake again.

5. Grown men can sit on and ride Power Wheels. You’re welcome.

image

What did you learn recently? Any random useless knowledge for me?

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OK, Try to Suffocate Me!

Last Friday was date night. It was rather fantastic. Brian and I ordered pizza from this little pizza joint in Chicago suburbia (Aurelio’s). Then we ate on a bench in the cute little downtown area of our hometown. Afterwards, we meandered into the classic theater to watch Gatsby (LOVED Gatsby). When I say classic theater, I mean one of those historic relic theaters that has curtains and an organ player…It’s where we saw The Wallflowers a few months back.

After the movie we made our way to the homefront, laughing, happy…overall just enjoying each others’ company. We plopped down into our delightful squish bed chat chat chatting away. We were snugglin’ (don’t hate on our adorableness, yo) and I felt like I was upside down, so I told Brian he needed a pillow. I put it half on his arm and half on his face, and propped my head on top. “You okay?” I asked him.

“I’m fine” he mumbled through the pillow.

So I moved the pillow over his whole head. “How ’bout now?”

“Still great!” (I think that’s what he said…it was a little hard to decipher because of the pillow.)

So I pushed down with my head. “How ’bout now?”

“Maybe not so good.” So I let go.

And then Brian went off on one of his Brian rants about how weird it is that in the movies people always suffocate others with pillows. Like that would really work. And he looked at me dead serious, “Seriously, it is impossible to kill someone with a pillow.”

So OF COURSE I looked at him, and said, “OK great. Try to suffocate me!”

He looked at me for a second and then apparently though, what the hell…because moments later I was on my back and Brian was ready to cover me with a pillow. “Wait!” he called out…”We need like a code. Tap twice on my leg if you really can’t breath.”

“You got it dude.”

And then he pillow suffocated me. And I was laughing so hard. “How you doing?”

“I’m fine. Try harder.” And I kept laughing. And then I started flailing my arms around yelling, “Heeeelp! Ahhh!” in between laughter.

So Brian’s all, “That wasn’t the code. Are you alright?” And I just kept on laughing hysterically through the pillow. “Can you breath?”

“Of course. It’s getting hot in here though.”

And then he removed the pillow. And we laughed for another 10 minutes. Reading this through, it doesn’t sound as funny so much as a sexual adventure gone wrong…but it really was just good clean fun, you dirty birds.

 

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Brian Shares Saturday: Did You Miss Him?

Brian’s had a busy few months. He just started a new job, so his sharing has been few and far between. Lucky for you, it seems like he may just be back. So without further ado, I give you…

Random Shit My Boyfriend Finds on the Internet

10 Things I Hate About You Health Ledger

There are several more of these sweet gifs if you click through to the imgur site linked on the pictures. I had to pick my favorites, and Heath Ledger tends to win. And who doesn’t love the stapler?   Have You Seen My Stapler

So, at work I’ve got a pretty small team. And they all know that Brian sometimes sends me random shit. And he hasn’t sent me much lately. So when he sends something, everyone gathers ’round my desk to check it out. And I didn’t pre-screen this one…So it basically went… ha ha ha WTF  ha ha ha…

You’ll see.

Disney  Movie AlternateTitlescute baby squirrel

Happy Saturday!

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

You Guys, I Couldn’t Make This Shit Up If I Tried

Let me tell you a little story. Sometimes, I just sort of plop down on the floor. Especially if I have been squatting to reach something on the bottom of the fridge. And I am tired.

And so there I was sitting on the kitchen floor the other day after work and Brian brought me a glass of water. And then dragged this giant helium balloon over and said to me, “Hold onto this. It will help you get up.” And he pulled. And pulled. And I still didn’t get up. And then he laughed a little. And then took my picture. And I DIDN’T EVEN REALIZE that while he was telling me to pull down or move my water glass that he had a plan. I didn’t realize it until I LOOKED at the pictures what he was doing. I thought he just couldn’t see my face.

Smiley Face BalloonSmiley Face BalloonSmiley Face BalloonSmiley Face Balloon

For the record? I was Stone. Cold. Sober.

Tell me something ridiculous about you. Please. So I don’t feel quite as…special. Thanks!

Tomorrow I’ll be announcing last week’s giveaway winners! So stay tuned.

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

In Which My Boyfriend Is “Cooler” Than Your Boyfriend

I, along with a couple of our friends received the following e-mail last week.

From my boyfriend.

Yes, yes…He IS sometimes more creative than me. One day, I’ll show you the first e-mail he ever sent me. Maybe.

<knock><knock>
 
Good, you’re all here.
It was getting pretty late and the night watch has a price on all of our heads. Yes, Yes… BananaMan… the price on your head is still the highest. What? No! We have to continue using our code-names so they can’t track us down. Did you bring the map?
 
The Map
 
Good… good…. wait! No… that’s USELESS, BananaMan! Get your head in the game! That’s a map of the whole city. We need more specific intel about our targets.
 
NaughtyNurse, what kind of information did you get from the guards you cavorted with last night?
 
Gen Con Website
 
That’s better! Good job NaughtyNurse!
 
Gen Con Hotel Info
 
Hmmm…. Yes… we’ll need to regroup near the target but our “Investor” has backed out. We’ll have to fund this operation on our own, but I think the payout may be well worth the investment.
 
What’s that? No! You CAN’T change your codename to “QuirkyChrissy”, CheeseWiz. Yes…. yes… we all know how much you hate cheese-wiz… you’ve been complaining about it ever since you were assigned that code-name… you KNOW its short for “Cheese Wizard”. Fine… Fine. Ok.ok.ok.ok…. pick another type of cheese then.
 
OK.
 
Oh. you have some scouting information for our basecamp? You think that close proximity to the target may be expensive and that one of your “contacts” may be able to stash us away for the duration of the caper? Do you trust them, though?
 
Travel Site 1
 
Travel Site 2
 
Well… that’s a start at least.
What? No I didn’t actually have an assignment.
I’m the team leader!
What?
No. No one voted for me…. well, see, there was this chick in a lake that handed me a sword…
 

But…you’re probably asking yourself…WHAT does it all mean?

We’ll be spending the entire 4 glorious gaming days in August at Gen Con. At a hotel that doesn’t have bedbugs. AND I need a new code name.

Pictures from Gen Con 2012.

Gen Con Gen Con Gen Con

I’ve got LOTS of questions for you guys!

So what should my code name be? Do you go to any cons? Which one(s)? Would you participate in Cos-play (dressing up in nerdy costumes at conventions)? Should I? I’m thinking about live blogging while I’m there. What are your thoughts on that?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Wordless Wednesday: Dear Brian, Please Cease This Immediately. You know why.

Don't hang the razor in the shower

This is where the loofah goesthis is how the shower should be

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

I Bought Cool Mickey Band Aids When We Went To Disney World…And Then I Used Them All…

Brian: I got you something.

Me: Oh yeah?

Brian: It’s smaller than a bread box.

(I look in the bag expecting Peeps or Cadbury Cream Eggs or Cadbury Mini Eggs or jellybeans.)

Me: *Squeal*

Mickey Mouse Band Aids

Me: I ran out of these when we were in Florida!

Brian: Wait, you had these?

Me: Duh. (I look at the side package.) No! OMG THESE ARE WAY BETTER.

Mickey Mouse Band Aids

Brian: WOAH. I have to take them back. There’s some serious Mickey abuse going on. I didn’t see that in the store.

Me: No! It’s just a love pat. Look! They’re kissing! And it’s pink!

Brian: Abuse. That’s horrible.

Me: LOVE. Tap. (I pet his cheek and shout “Smack!”) See. Love.

Brian: Now don’t go hurting yourself on purpose to wear these.

Me: *Silence*

Brian: If you want to wear one, you can just put it on. You don’t need any real injuries. OK?

Me: What should I chop for dinner?

Brian: I don’t know…HEY! WAIT A MINUTE!

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Brian Shares Saturday: February Quickie

Hey kids! My little sister is getting married today, so I don’t have much time…but I know you look forward to the sweet shit my boyfriend finds on the internet…

Surprise Vacation?

That was my response when Brian directed me to this Reddit discussion. He said no.

A Balinese Swim Resort

A Balinese Swim Resort

For Katie at Words for Worms

And everyone else…Brian said I should send this to Katie, but I figured that it would be much more appreciated by EVERYONE. Because it’s fucking adorable.

Baby Penguin

Free Books from Dolly Parton

COOL! Your kiddo can receive a free book every year from Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library until they are 5 years old. I think this is awesome, as I tend to buy kids books instead of cool toys… Or sometimes in addition to cool toys. 🙂

Cheshire Cat

Knowing my adoration for Chesh, Brian sent me this sweet little Cheshire Cat Image…

Cheshire Cat

Sweet Sweet Love Note

Sassy Love Note

Brian sent this, because 1. It is hilarious and 2. I would write that to him except replace Sprite with Ginger Ale. He is always drinking my Ginger Ale! And then it’s gone when I want it!

My Valentine

For those of you who don’t follow me on Facebook or Twitter, I added the fancy valentine that I made for Brian. And the one I made for my lady friends. And the awesome Brian picture of awesomeness that was revealed at our dinner date…

My Valentine to Brian

My Valentine to Brian

The Valentine for all of my lady friends

The Valentine for all of my lady friends

Brian snuck the tuxedo tee-shirt to dinner and revealed it when I least expected it. As if you didn't already love him!

Brian snuck the tuxedo tee-shirt to our “romantic” dinner and revealed it when I least expected it. As if you didn’t already love him!

That’s all kids! You should wish my sister happy congratulations today!

 

 

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Brian Shares Saturday: Puns, Tweets, and Vacation Homes

Because it’s been one hell of a couple of weeks, Brian hasn’t had a whole lot of time to send me awesome things that he found on the internet…And I’m off to go do important things this afternoon, so today’s shares will be short and sweet. And if you’re looking for an overabundance of cute (in the words of Brian), head over to That Ash Girl for some FUCKING AWESOME sloth pictures and videos.

Hilarious Puns

I love a good pun, don’t you? I worked at a little breakfast nook called Eggstasy, just because of the name. Seriously.

Tearable Puns

Tweets Around the World

This is just fucking crazy. Take a minute and check it out. I promise you won’t be disappointed. Tweetping shows you how fast people tweet. It’s insane. Oh hey…and go ahead and add me to your Twitter feed. Sometimes, I’m funny.

Dream Vacation Home…Almost

Ski Dream House Ski Dream House2

Brian sent me this ski dream house (more pictures in the link) and I was all, “OMG Can we go there? And NOT ski(you can see why I don’t ski…)”

His response? “You should buy this as our winter lodge when you’re rich and famous.”

“Um…BEACH HOUSE.”

“Can’t we have more than one?”

Apparently, he’s really banking on me getting famous now…

Almost famous

 If you like me, you should click here to vote for me!

What about you, Blog Friends? Seen anything cool on the web that I should know about?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Brian Shares Saturday: More of Ebeneezer the Sloth, Dolphin Preachers, & Bunnicula (Oh and by the Way, it’s Cold as Fuck)

I’ve spent a lot of time writing posts to ensure that next week is covered, but I forgot to prepare for today!

Luckily, Brian has been extra awesome thanks to the wonderful compliments that he’s been receiving for his part in the Brian Shares Segment of my little blog.

Here are just a few of the things that he has sent me this week…

Ebeneezer, Our Future Sloth

For those of you who are new here, Brian and I had been discussing the possibility of a pet, when we realized that what we really wanted was a baby sloth. So from time to time, he sends me videos, pictures, and gifs of sloths to share with you. which is probably why sloth searches are the number 1 Google search that leads people here. Crazy sloth lovers.

Sloth in a hammock gif

 

What’s really funny about this, though, is that in order to ensure that I receive said pictures and videos, Brian often will send them to me via text, e-mail, and G-chat.

Dolphin Preachers

I realize that the term “Dolphin preacher” is ridiculous in its own right. But shit. Once you see this picture, I hope you laugh your ass off as much as I did. I was at Mom’s when I read it, and she told me I was going to hell. C’est la vie?

Dolphins Neptune God of the Sea Preachers

I think that I was a dolphin in another life, so I feel like I have a special bond with the sea faring mammals. In fact, I’ll be seeing my best friends soon enough (Read: THIS WEEK).

Bubble Sports

Brian sent this gif to me with the title: THIS LOOKS LIKE FUN! To me I thought: This looks like life! I NEED one of these. Desperately. Then I can happily make it through life without, you know, falling down.

Bubble Ball Sports

Cool right?

Bunnicula

Please. Please PLEASE tell me you know what I’m talking about. Because Brian didn’t. First, he sent me this adorable gif of bunnies.

Bunnicula

And I responded with OMG yes! We need one! Please?!?! We could name him Bunnicula. And love him. And squeeze him. And feed him tomatoes!

And Brian responded… “Why Bunnicula?”

UGH! Only the greatest Bunny on the planet! Bunnicula, resident rabbit of the Howliday Inn. Obviously.

Cold as Fuck

It’s about to get cold here in the Chicagoland area… and just in case you are not as lucky as me to be escaping the brief cold weather of your home city, you should go pick up a pair of these sweet ass gloves. In fact, pick me up a pair while you’re at it. I’m going to be back in the Chi soon enough.

Cold as Fuck Gloves

Scrabble Genius Bonus

Brian found this quick blurb about Scrabble and I figured that it was important to share it with you. Should the letter values in Scrabble change? I think not. But that is because I am an evil Scrabble genius, according to Katie.

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!