How to Turn Your Bathroom Into a Spider Den for Halloween

In the beginning of the Halloween season, Brian and I were discussing our eventual Halloween game plan. I told him we should just buy one big item each year and eventually we will have a full-on haunted house of joy. We also buy an ungodly amount of decorative shit from the dollar store, so there’s no shortage of Halloween hanging around this place…

So I said to him, “Last year, we bought the spider…”

And he said, “And the house…”

“No, Brian…I don’t mean all big budget things…just Halloween stuff. So last year was the spider.”

“And the house.”

Well…I mean…I guess he wasn’t wrong. When one owns a whole house, Halloween can start to go…a little overboard. For us, it was/is the greatest thing EVER. I showed you our creepy dolls of death and destruction in the window where I can’t seem to keep plants alive.

I have a twisted sense of humor, and I think it’s important to make the bathroom absolutely terrifying for guests, because where better to piss your pants? Amiright?

Our downstairs bathroom started out like any normal bathroom...before we turned it into the ultimate Halloween decoration

Now that we have three bathrooms, I can play around a little more. I’ve been planning our downstairs bathroom for months, patiently waiting to get started on my brilliance. You see, we have a bathroom with a shower that is never used, so I was free to use that shower in whatever capacity fit with my Halloween theme. And holy fuck was I ready to bring back my hanging cocoon body wrapped in spider webs…But this time, I was going to turn that entire room into the spiders’ den. It would be my greatest creation.

Spider With Suction CupHairy spiderSoft SpiderPoseable Hairy SpiderPlush 20Remote Control Brown Spider

My original plan was to hang the body from the showerhead and wrap spider webbing all around the area, but it was really hard to see the body. And as the body was the focal point of the entire room, we decided to open the doors and hang the body from the shower door frame. I used bloody spider webs this time, instead of regular webbing for that cool red effect.

This hanging body in the bathroom is surrounded by spider webs for a terrifying and gruesome scene in your bathroom

Then we placed spiders all over the webbing with other bugs wrapped up inside cocoons of spider web as if they had already been captured by the spiders and spun for a late night snack.

Use plastic spiders placed all over the webbing for the ultimate creepy space. Wrap other plastic bugs with webbing as if they were caught by the spiders

When you sit down on the porcelain throne, you almost feel engulfed by the spider webs.

When it comes to Halloween decorations, Quirky Chrissy knows her shit. Click To Tweet

Of course, to add to the atmosphere, we played with lighting a lot this year. We installed red light bulbs, which were surprisingly difficult to find in the stores, in the bathroom light fixtures. My mom suggested we try to find them at Home Depot, and she was correct. Thank God.

Feit Electric Lightbulbs 60W Equivalent Red Spiral CFL Light Bulb BPESL13T/R/HD

Use red lighting to increase the scare factor in your bathroom spider den

And if you remember me mentioning the spider that we ‘invested” in last year? That jumping spider was by far, the piece de resistance. We got the Black Jumping Spider – Animated Decoration at  Spirit Halloween(use code: 20FORU2015 for 20% off), hid him in the back corner of the bathroom behind spider webs.

Use red lighting to increase the scare factor in your bathroom spider den

When everyone was focused on the creepy hanging body, they didn’t notice the cord from the giant spider leading to a step mat (which we paid extra for) hidden under a bathroom rug we found at the Dollar Store. When the spider jumped and screamed, everyone was horrified. I was thrilled to pieces. Screams were frequent and hilarious at our party.

All in all, I think we did a killer job with this bathroom. I think it took the bloody murder scene bathroom to a whole new level.

Turn Your Bathroom Into a Spider Den with a few plastic spiders, spider web and a hanging cocoon body. This little room scared everyone at our annual Halloween party!

What do you think of this one, guys? What ideas do you have for the hanging body? How do you decorate your bathroom for Halloween?

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My Kitchen Window – Where Everything Goes to Die, Including Creepy Baby Dolls

In this year’s edition of Chrissy’s fucked-up Halloween decor…

Dolls are creepy. Like, on a scale of one to terrifying, they top the charts. When I used to work haunted houses, I always wanted to build a room that was all creepy baby dolls. So this year, when I started planning OUR haunted house, I knew that baby dolls would play a role. I would love to have a collection of creepy zombie babies like the one below, but I was on a tighter budget than that would allow.

Zombie Baby DecorSevered Zombie Baby Head PropEvil Baby Prop with KnifeEvil Baby Prop with Teddy BearDemonica The Undead BabySpinning Head Possessed Baby
These guys are all on my dream list. Instead, I thrifted and garage sailed for some of the most terrifying dolls.

I thrifted for creepy dolls that I would use for Halloween

My criteria was simple. I was looking for eyes that stare you down. Dolls with easy-to remove limbs. Talking dolls that say things like “I’m sleepy,” which sounds like “I’m creepy.” Horrifying giggles.

Then, I had to really think about what I wanted to do with them. We all know I’m twisted as fuck when it comes to Halloween. I turned our apartment bathroom into a murder scene. I made a hanging dead body wrapped in spider webs (just wait until I show you what I did with the body this year!) in our stairwell. I love elaborate and disgusting decor. It’s a thing. So I started pinning all the baby dolls to my Halloween party board.

I finally sat down to start painting…and this guy happened.

I ran out of white paint to make this doll more grey/blue...and he turned into a creepy blue zombie babyI used a combination of blue, purple, black and white acrylic paints from my art box to create this ghostly blue color. I wanted to make him a little bit grey/bluer, but I ran out of white paint…and he turned into a creepy blue zombie baby. My friend Lily thought he needed a little more oomph, but I never did get time to add to him…

I was busy working on the other dolls…

I decided to make a lot of bloody, creepy doll parts, using the blue doll as the cannibal leader doll, a few full size dolls and a lot of doll parts.I decided to make a lot of bloody, creepy doll parts, using the blue doll as the cannibal leader doll, a few full size dolls and a lot of doll parts. For the blood, I used crimson red, yellow, and black paints mixed together.

When I sent Lily a text picture asking if I took it too far…she thought it was fantastic and took the thoughts out of my head with additional scene details. Her boyfriend was less impressed.

Halloween texts about creepy baby dolls

Then, it was time to decide where and how I wanted to display these doll parts. I have this really fantastic kitchen window, which is awesome for decorative accents, but terrible for plants (even if that’s what it’s designed for). Mostly, because I did not inherit my mom’s green thumb and I refer to this window as the place where things go to die. Honestly, our whole house/yard/property is where plant things go to die, but that’s another story for another day.

And so it was decided that I would create an eerie scene of cannibal dolls and the parts they left behind.

A scene of creepy cannibal baby dolls and bloody doll partsOf course, the best way to add even more creepiness is to use lighting. Our kitchen and family room were lit with a green glow that illuminated a lot of our home, but the babies needed something a little darker. So we put a red light above the sink to radiate around the dolls.

The green glow from the house and the red illumination from the light over the sink made these creepy baby dolls in kitchen window even worseThe green glow from the house and the red illumination from the light over the sink made these creepy baby dolls in kitchen window even worse than without the lighting. When we had people over last week, they were either horrified or impressed. I suppose that’s pretty normal.

What creepy things do you do for Halloween? What’s the most screwed-up thing you’ve done as a decoration? Would you make these creepy dolls or buy some of the zombie babies I showed you above?

Some links used in this post are affiliate links and will earn me a small commission so I can keep spending money on the important things…like Halloween decorations.

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

7 Things to watch on Netflix to get you Excited for Halloween

It’s almost October, and my Halloween excitement is growing. I’ve started pumping myself up with movies and TV shows that either scare me or get me thinking about Halloween. Now that it’s practically October 1, I feel as though I can totally start going Halloweenie on you and not just Brian (who may be distressed that Halloween threw up all over our front room).

my Halloween skull collection
Do you like my Halloween skull collection?

Last weekend, one of my best friends was in town and we watched The Adams Family on Netflix to get some ideas flowing for Halloween decor, creepy snacks and an overall ambiance of spooky goodness (with a big heaping side of laughter). Other than pointing out my need for an organ and a tall creepy guy named Lurch to wield it and the distinct possibility that I could be Cousin It for Halloween, we didn’t really gather any useful information…but we did laugh like it was 1994. I forgot how funny it was!

In this vein, I thought it would be fun to share with you my top Halloween movies streaming on Netflix to watch next month to keep you in the Halloween mood all season long!

7 Things to watch on Netflix to get you excited for HalloweenA Nightmare on Elm Street

The original Wes Craven Nightmare, Freddie Krueger haunted my dreams from a young age when I used to watch horror movies with my best friend at her grandparents’ house. We’d order a Little Caesars pepperoni pizza and curl up on a couch, waiting for Freddy to get us…Did I mention her grandpa’s Freddy Krueger costume?

Pet Cemetery

What’s a Halloween movie list without a little Stephen King to rev you up? This creepy flick about animals that come back to life still terrifies me…but not as much as it scared the crap out of a girl I used to babysit. I babysat her and her toddler cousin, who happened to look just like Gage…And so  I may have been just twisted enough to teach him to tell her, “I played with Chrissy and I played with mommy. And now I want to play with you.” She was terrified (probably because I let her watch Pet Cemetery in the first place).

The Nightmare Before Christmas

You guys know how I feel about this movie. I made a Sally Halloween costume, I’ve painted my nails to match Sally Skellington’s dress…it’s kind of an obsession. We watch this two to three times a year – Halloween, Christmas, and somewhere in the middle when we’re missing the Halloween Christmas joy.

The Walking Dead

If you’ve never seen The Walking Dead, my recommendation is to watch the first season DEFINITELY, and possibly the second season…and then just pretend the rest of the show never happened. It’s better that way. I promise.

Teeth

If you want to watch something truly horrifyingly bad, might I suggest Teeth. This movie is about a vagina with teeth. That’s all I really need to say. If that’s not enough to pique your interest, you’re probably better off.

Saw

Remember when I wrote an apology to Cary Elwes? I still love him, even in this twisted movie. After watching this in college, I left my friend’s apartment and turned every light on and opened every closet door. Just in case.

Scream

I figured it would be best to honor Wes Craven by bringing it back around to him. Less scary, and more aware of its own genre, this movie is ripe with clever lines and fun plot twists. In high school,  this was a super quotable flick that we watched over and over.

If none of these flicks tickle your interest, you can always watch one of my favorite bad horror movies Playing on Netflix like Big Ass Spider or The Leprechaun.

What gets you excited for Halloween? Do you have any go-to movies or TV shows to get you in the mood?

I’m a member of the Netflix Stream Team. While I wasn’t paid to write nice things about Netflix, I did receive a gift subscription and a device on which to watch my favorite shows.

Netflix Stream Team

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

The Perils of Working in the Original Skyscraper Jungle

I work in the city. THE city. As in Chicago. Home of the original skyscraper. Did you know that? After the Chicago Fire, they commissioned an architect to do whatever he wanted…and he wanted to change the world, apparently. Thus skyscrapers were born.

So I work downtown, inside The Loop, Chicago. Each day I walk a mile from the train, rain or shine, sweltering or bitterly freezing. And then I work. And then I walk another mile from work to the train. I used to occasionally take a cab (VERY occasionally), but mostly I’d brave the elements because a one-way $8-10 cab ride just doesn’t do it for me. I’ve recently discovered that I’m not as afraid of the bus, but for an extra $2.25 per trip, it’s only worth it when it’s REALLY fucking cold out. Like negative temperatures cold. Like WAY negative temperatures cold. Because that $2.25 would quickly become $22.50 PER WEEK. And that’s a lot on my already-expensive commute.

So I brave the dangers of walking in the city. When it’s freezing out, and especially when the freezing starts to warm up just a smidge, signs start popping up all over The Loop. On my walk to and from the train, I pass no less than 8 caution signs each way. Caution signs that warn passersby of potential falling ice. FROM THE FUCKING SKYSCRAPERS.

Caution Falling Ice

  1. How the fuck am I supposed to see the falling ice ball from the sky by looking at a sign 2 feet off the ground?

  2. How the fuck would I even protect myself if a giant, painful ball of ice were to come tumbling down on my head?

  3. What is the fucking purpose of the signs? Do they think they’re preventing legal repercussions of a chunk of ice decapitating some unlucky soul?

Because if a giant fuckball of ice falls on my head and doesn’t actually kill me, I’m going to sue something. Or someone. Okay, probably not. But I would most certainly be pissed. And in a lot of pain.

Then…THEN…I get safely inside the confines of my building? Only to discover that because of the wet, melting ice on my feet, I could fall to my death inside the fucking skyscraper. Because those floors are fucking SLICK. I should know…I slip on them on a regular basis.

Caution Wet FloorThese days, I’m not opposed to a nice, cozy suburban job…with a 5-15 minute drive. We’ll see.

Blog Friends, what dangers await you on your morning commute? Or do you have a dangerous job? Or do you avoid danger like the plague?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

If We’re Going to Die, I Want to be Covered in Cheese.

Driving along the coast, just north or south of San Francisco is terrifying and breathtaking in the same moment. The varying drops off the side of the mountainous roads are steep. And I have a thing with vertigo and windy (as in wind a clock, not wind and sea; although I suppose that fits, as well) roads. But it’s also beautiful. The fog rolling in creates this amazing visual that is hard to describe and even harder to capture.

image

On our way up the California coast from San Francisco to Sonoma Valley, we took a long and curvy road up into the mountains (well, they looked like mountains to this Great Plains girl), & I was more than a little terrified. Brian was driving through the curves as if he had been doing it all his life (I suppose that’s the Irish coming out), when he told me that in Ireland, the hill roads were the same…ONLY NARROWER.

Um. I’m never going to Ireland. (I’m lying.)

We stopped when we discovered a space to pull off the road and snap a few pics for you. It was harder to do than I thought. The fog isn’t very accommodating in the world of photography. But I tried. For you.

image
Brian LOVES the mountains and the fog and the cool weather. (There’s that Irish thing again.)

image
I wasn’t terrified at this stop. It was quite neat, actually.

On our way down to San Jose, on the other hand…I freaked out a little when we stopped. And wouldn’t get out of the car.

So driving out of Sonoma, we took a seriously scenic route. We rolled down through San Francisco, and further into the woods. We thought we’d check out a state park south of San Jose. In that time, we ALMOST ran out of gas, drove in a giant circle, and couldn’t find any flipping redwoods. It was like a horror flick waiting to happen. We had to pull up to some random worker dudes on the road and ask for the nearest gas station. With a rental car on E.

The gas station was a little dive in the middle of the forest and I feared for things like kidnapping and murder (I saw The Vanishing one too many times as a kid). After we filled up, we passed the same workers…coming from the same direction we had before. 40 minutes later. (See. Giant circle.)

And the we started climbing up the hills again. Beautiful and scary. Epic.
image

At one point, I was trying to take pictures out the window, and Brian offered to stop to get better images. I was all about it. Until we stopped and I was about to get out of the car. I was a bit nervous, and Brian cracked a joke about not falling…and then he volunteered to go take pictures for me. I let him. I looked out from the safety of the parked car while fearing that my boyfriend would fall down with the keys in his pocket and I would be stranded and panicking about Brian. I have a bad habit of imagining the worst case scenario for every situation.

California View

One of Brian’s snaps. Is that not absolutely stunning?

 

We had picked up snacks and sandwiches for a little picnic lunch in the forest, and it was getting late for me. The hangry was creeping up on me quite rapidly, so I pulled out the Tostitos Mild Salsa Con Queso and tortilla chips. Brian warned me to not spill the cheese (like I would EVER consciously waste cheese like that.) I told him that the only way this cheese was going to spill was “if we were to fly off one of these cliffs. And quite frankly, if we’re going to die, I’d want to be covered in cheese.”

He realized I made a fair point and promised not to drive off any cliffs.

We finally arrived at the entrance of the state park, enjoyed lunch and were on our way. By then, we were both too exhausted to hike through the forest, and I had a party to get to a few hours later. So we rolled out. Even still, the drive continued in a frightening pattern. Instead of just curvy roads, we were now encountering those one-car-width roads PLUS curves PLUS steep inclines and declines.

Oh! And CHRISTMAS TREES!

Christmas is coming...

Christmas is coming…

Have you been to northern California? Or just driven through scary hilly roads? What’s the scariest road trip you’ve taken? Do you imagine worst case scenarios?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!