Manic Monday: Got a Long List of Ex-Lovers…They’ll Tell You I’m Insane…

Confession: I’m obsessing over Taylor Swift’s Blank Space. Obsessing. Please stop judging; you were 25 once too. Taylor’s song is all about falling in love, and following it up with baller crazy bullshit. The video is…well…insane.

When I was 25, I was FINALLY mostly (one or two indiscretions notwithstanding) over my college ex. But fuck if I hadn’t gone twelve kinds of crazy up to and beyond that point a little like Taylor and a little one own bird of insanity. Regardless of what I did…my exes will certainly tell you I’m insane. But I’ve got a theory. They'll Tell  You I'm Insane If you don’t know my theory on men vs. women…get ready for it.

All women are crazy.

And…

All men are stupid.

That’s it. I’ve had this theory for almost a decade now, and I still stick to it. I certainly don’t say it to insult women or men. Women aren’t all the same kind of crazy. Men aren’t all the same kind of stupid.

The trick to making a relationship work? It’s not finding the right girl on the Vicky Mendoza diagonal or finding a guy who isn’t a complete moron to miss how absolutely perfect you are…

The trick is to for a guy to find a girl who can handle his brand of stupid. And he needs to be able to handle her brand of crazy.

My college ex used to tell me that  I had a high frustration capability because he’d get upset really easily whenever I did anything that was considered, “crazy.”

I took this and ran with it…because he wasn’t wrong. The frequency with which I injure myself isn’t normal. I talk A LOT. I ask questions A LOT. And I over-think EVERYTHING. And I have weird OCD tendencies. And push buttons when I know I shouldn’t push buttons…And probably more. So, most of the guys I’ve dated would probably tell you that I’m insane. ESPECIALLY my college ex.

But I also have a low frustration tolerance. I can’t handle too much stupidity before I want to cut a dude. Occasionally, I’d meet a dude who could absolutely handle my crazy…but I couldn’t, for the life of me, stand their brands of stupid…mostly the drug addict and Staley…and mostly because their brand of stupid was drugs. Drugs=deal breaker.

Luckily, Brian is REALLY fucking smart. Like brilliant. And he can handle my crazy. He finds the weird shit I do adorable.

I have a lot of girlfriends who (God only knows why) come to me for relationship advice. They have for years. I’m not an expert, but I’ve had my fair share of experiences. In my relationship journeys, I’ve seen that women think too much about shit that men don’t care about…and men don’t think enough about the things that women want them to think about. But every once in a while, you’ll find someone who harmoniously matches their stupid to your crazy or vice-versa…

Let’s journey down the rabbit hole of crazy together, Blog Friends.

Do you agree that women are crazy and men are stupid? Disagree? Why? What’s your theory? Have you ever gone bat shit crazy? What’s the craziest thing you’ve done? If you’re a dude, what’s the craziest thing a girl you dated did?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

A Closet Full of Clothes…But Where Are Brian’s Clothes?

As my closet fills with fall clothes, I started thinking about my wardrobe vs. Brian’s wardrobe. When we moved into Brian’s dad’s house, putting most of our stuff into a gigantic storage unit, I had to pack up Rubbermaid tub on top of Rubbermaid tub full of clothes that I wouldn’t see again for another several months. I miss my clothes. Right now, I’m especially missing my Chicago Bears gear. All my t-shirts, hoodies and sweatpants. And sweaters. It’s getting a bit chilly out there. I’m definitely missing my sweaters.

How Should You Share the Closet Space?

The closet pictured was our Downers Grove apartment when we first moved in. I had NOT moved all my clothes in yet. Brian had. You can see the separation. Eventually, I took over this entire closet, plus some of the other closet. And Brian took that small portion of the other closet for his seven shirts.

Right now, my wardrobe dominates the small closet that Brian and I are currently sharing (it’s about half the size of our Downers Grove apartment closet). We’ve been in this situation before…sharing a small closet in which I only have a small portion of my clothes on display…For the first year and a half of our relationship, before we moved into our first apartment together, we didn’t technically live together. I just never went home. And we shared Brian’s tiny closet. Well…I shared his closet with him. It was slam-packed with my clothes, leaving just a tiny few inches of space on the hanging bar for Brian’s clothes.

Luckily, Brian only has about 5  fashionable designer dress shirts (which I happened to have purchased for him, because that’s what girlfriends do, right?) and maybe 3-4 other hanging articles of clothing hiding in the back of the closet, and the rest of his clothes can be folded in a dresser (or a laundry basket if we’re stretched for space, which we are). He didn’t have to pack any clothes in storage tubs. All of his clothes are hanging out in our room. But if you were to look at our closet, you’d see a whole lot of lady clothes and not a whole lot of Brian clothes.

Where am I going with this? Oh. Right. Closets full of clothes and space.

Hypothetically speaking…if we were to, say…move into a new house…and that hypothetical house were to have a deliciously sized hypothetical walk-in closet…and Chrissy were to be reunited with all her clothes (and they were to meet all the new clothes Chrissy purchased in their stead), how much of that walk-in closet would be used for Brian’s clothes, and how much of that walk-in closet would be for Chrissy’s clothes?

I mean…this isn’t a debate or anything. It’s a very serious question about very serious clothing and a very serious [hypothetical] closet.

And I’m asking for a friend.

Because that girl’s boyfriend may or may not have hypothetically told her that 50% of that hypothetical, magical-unicorn-of-a-closet would hypothetically belong to him.

What are your thoughts? Do you think the closet should be a 50/50 split regardless of the number of hangers on each side?

This post was sponsored on behalf of Sir Men’s Wear. I was compensated for my time, but this is still my story and I’m sticking to it.

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!