Bad Dates Illustrated With Crayons

Quirky Chrissy asked me to guest post today. All I could think to write about was a few of the bad dates I’d had in my twenties. This is me without enough coffee, obviously. Then, of course, I had to illustrate my adventures with crayons. That’s what happens when you become a parent. You have to do everything with crayons. I mean, your kids steal all of the pens and hide them so they can write on the wall when you aren’t looking. At least, that is what happens at my house.

When I was young I wasn’t much of a dater (Wait, is that even a word? I’m guest posting on the grammar Queen’s blog. It’s making me so nervous about punctuation and poorly chosen words). I was more of a serial monogamist. I had boyfriends, not dates. There was a short, awkward period, in my twenties, where I did actually try to date, but it didn’t exactly go so well. Usually, I’d just get nervous and say something embarrassing. Like this:

Super-Salad-comic

That awkward moment where you think the waitress asking if you want soup or salad is offering you a “super” salad.

Sometimes, I’d trip, or fall, or spill my drink all over the table and my date. In my defense, that one time when I did spill my drink, my date was totally looking way too hard at the waitresses cleavage. It’s not entirely my fault that Karma paid him a visit immediately. I mean, that just happens sometimes.

Bad date comic

Karma happens fast sometimes.

Dating has never been easy for me and now that I am married, it still isn’t. All of the self-help relationship books say husbands and wives need date nights to keep the spark alive. My husband and I try to do this, but because we haven’t found a reliable babysitter we often have to take our toddler with us. Whether or not a date, accompanied by a toddler, is actually a date, is debatable, but we are desperate (How many commas do I need here? Seriously, I don’t even know…). We take what we can get. We go on dates with our toddler. All. The. Time.

Bad dates: bringing the toddler

Dating hasn’t improved over the years.

Last St. Patrick’s Day, we drove an hour to a fancy restaurant and bar that promised food, green martinis, and dart championship games. When we got there the restaurant was closed and the bar didn’t have food. Plus, it’s weird to bring a toddler into a bar. I mean, everyone stops talking and sort of stares at you. It’s awkward. We were annoyed by the restaurants false advertising. We were also all really, really hungry. So, we got back in the car and headed towards the last restaurant we had passed on our 60 mile drive. Before we could get there, our daughter started crying and saying her tummy hurt. I figured she was probably just hungry. We all were. We were all getting a little cranky too. Unfortunately, I was terribly wrong. She wasn’t just hungry. She was sick. The vomiting started and would not stop. We pulled over on the side of the road. I tried to clean her up. We had vomit all over. It was kind of a disaster. We were all wearing green, looking miserable and smelling like vomit all the way home.

Bad Dates: St. Patricks Day

Little Toad Creek not even open when we got there at 3pm  (LIARS!)

Last St. Patrick’s Day was probably my worst bad date ever. Between the restaurant being closed, the cranky husband, the cranky toddler and the ode to vomit perfume (not to mention we ended up having spaghetti for dinner) it was spectacular in all the wrong ways. Still, at least I didn’t have to worry about getting a second date. I mean, we sealed that deal years ago. Thank God. Now we can just call bad dates life.

 

 

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Today is the Day All My Dreams Come True…OK, Maybe Not All of Them. Maybe Just One. But I’m EXCITED.

That title actually has nothing to do with this post. It was just necessary. Because today is the big day! The BLOGGESS. Is in. Chicago. Ish. But since I live in Chicago-ish, it works out mighty well. BECAUSE I’M GOING TO MEET HER TODAY! And I’ve got some out of town guests that I’m dragging to the reading. Because that’s how I roll.

As I mentioned on Monday, this whole week is dedicated to bloggers. And today. Today is a whole post. Dedicated to one blogger. Because she’s that awesome. And it’s perfectly fitting. You see, I found her blog through the comments section of The Bloggess (This is how I found a lot of the blogs I read, actually. You should try it, if you haven’t.) And then she became my very first non-real-life-fan/friend. And she’s one of my BBBs (Blogging Best Buddies). And she’s fantastic. And she sent me the coolest Christmas “card” ever. Because it was a card. And a magnet. AND A FREAKIN’ PAINTING!

This Blog Post is Dedicated to…

Lily from It’s a Dome Life

As previously mentioned, Lily was my first non-real-life-friend to find the blog, probably because I stalked her a little bit after I found her blog on The Bloggess. And it was the greatest day ever. Because she’s sweet as pie. And funny. And TALENTED. She turned her art into magnets. And told me that she was sending one with her Christmas card…

The art of Lillian Connelly magnet

The magnet, up close. Isn’t it AMAZING? You can’t buy this one on Etsy, but there are others…Go now and buy a magnet.

The art of Lillian Connelly on my fridge

This is where the magnet lives…on the side of my fridge. Where I keep all of the important stuff…you know…cards and invitations and things… 🙂

But Lily didn’t just send me a magnet. Nope. I had to go to the post office to pick up the package (this was before my mail lady was cool), and I kept thinking to myself, “This does not look like a magnet sized package.”

I couldn’t wait to get home to open the package…(are we seeing a pattern here?)…so there I was in the car and I discovered this beautiful watercolor of a sunset. (She calls it, “Sunset from the Driveway.”)

Sunset From the Driveway

Isn’t she talented?

Of course, it took me FOREVER to get a frame and put it on the wall…because I am a little crazy and take my sweet time making decisions. Plus it was Christmas time, and my apartment looked like Christmas threw up…so I waited. And finally, I found the right frame (for now, until I can custom frame it). And now it lives in our bedroom. The first art in our home.

Sunset From the Driveway by Lillian Connelly

We wake up to a sunset every morning. How cool is that?

Thank you Lily. For your talent. For inspiring me. For being my friend. You’re amazing.

And to everyone else: Go check out Lily’s blog and her art.

Blog Friends: Are you a blogger? Tell me about your blog. Or do you have a favorite blogger? Tell me about him or her. What makes his/her blog awesome?

 

 

 

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!