I’m Loving the Selection of Bad Horror Movies on Netflix

Last week, I was at a party, scarfing queso like it was my last meal on earth, when the conversation turned to B horror movies and Netflix. Something I never even considered. I mean…sure I use Netflix to binge watch TV shows and enjoy my favorite chick flicks. But I didn’t even think about watching some of the weird-ish stuff they’ve got going on. And what was I thinking waiting this long to do so!?

The girl who brought up the topic suggested I watch Big Ass Spider, and by suggested, I mean HIGHLY RECOMMENDED this comedic, horrific piece of cinematic glory. I knew I was going to watch it. It was all a matter of when.

Big Ass  Spider

So on Friday night, I got home from C2E2 (more on that later) after a very long, emotional day (post-Grey’s Anatomy disaster). I stumbled into the house covered in exhaustion. My feet were swollen and blistered from all the walking. I felt the sweat and grease and other acky shit coating my body. And really needed a deliciously hot bath. So  I grabbed my tablet, some fancy bath stuff and a towel and readied myself for a little bathtime Netflix.

Oh yeah, I don’t mess around, y’all. Tablets are like mini TVs, perfect for watching stuff Brian definitely wouldn’t. He’s got a thing about spiders, so I knew this movie wouldn’t be for him.

The opening sequence shows a GIGANTIC spider taking over the top of a skyscraper and Greg Grunberg (Heroes!) getting up from the ground amidst chaos. And at that point, I knew it was going to be fantastic. The movie didn’t disappoint, with a science experiment weapon/arachnid gone awry, an unlikely hero, his even more unlikely sidekick and a hot chick with bad lines for the hero to swoon for.

It was everything I hoped it would be and more. I laughed my ass off, and ignored the pop-out-and-scare you moments (because no one wants to dream of giant spiders jumping out at them.). If you’re not a fan of DISGUSTINGLY gory scenes, and you enjoy a little ridiculous sci-fi-esque B horror flicks, might I recommend Big Ass Spider? I’m planning on checking out a few more of these movies for my own amusement. I’ll keep you posted if I find anything noteworthy.

What are you watching on Netflix? What’s on your “that looks weird and interesting” list? What’s your favorite B movie?

Netflix Stream Team

 

While this is not a sponsored post, Netflix hooked me up with a year’s subscription and a device on which to watch really awful, but hilarious B-movies. But I was a Netflix subscriber long before joining the Stream Team. So there’s that. 

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

I Think I Know Those Clowns…Not the Rodeo Clowns Though…

Last night, Brian and I joined a couple of our friends for an evening of Haunted Housing. Our friend who organized the trip usually prefers the regular passes as opposed to the VIP passes because the wait in line is usually a lot of fun and adds to the ambiance of the house. You know, gearing up the fear and shit.

So we get to the location of the haunted house, where we shelled out 28 bucks a pop for the tickets. Only to be told that we’d also be paying $5 for parking. We went to this house last year and didn’t have to pay for parking, so this was a strange and unpleasant new development.

I saw a crowd on the side of the venue, and wondered if that was a VIP entrance. As we drew closer, I realized they were all smoking, and they looked like they were in costume. Cowboy hats, plaid shirts, tight jeans…Must be a hillbilly room or something. As I got even closer, I noticed that some of them were dressed normally and there was a “smoking section” sign. They must just be regular employees, not actors. I looked inside the oprn door behind them and realized that they were not related to the haunted house at all. There was a concert of some sort going on with bright lights and loud mariachi music.

Mariachi band by the haunted houseWell that explained the $5 parking fee. Jerks.

So, we got in the first line at the haunted house (the first of FIVE different lines). This line was outside, and we were there before the house opened. I noticed a girl wearing a short skirt and rubber boots prepping for something with electricity. Just before we walked into the venue, she jumped on top of a beat up car, and started running some electric thing on a metal grindy thing near her lady bits while dancing like she was in a cage at the club. I wondered whether I was heading into a haunted house or a brothel.

We walked into the brightly lit first lobby, and stood in another line. The mariachi band was going hard core just a few feet away and the concert lights made it look like it was still daylight. I looked over, away from the band and saw a pair of uniquely costumed muderous clowns. I grinned at Brian and said, “I think I know those clowns.”

His response? “That’s a weird thing to say.”

When we moved upstairs to the next lobby (this time the actual “haunted house lobby”), one of the clowns was staring me down. I eyed him for a second and asked, “Do I know you?”

Yep, I definitely recognized him.

Yep, I definitely recognized him.

He nodded and I walked closer to him, when he gave me his hand all gentlemanly. We chatted for a moment (he really is my friend!) and then I had to go catch up with my people.

We got in the third line of the night about 15 minutes after the haunted house was supposed to be open. But the bright lights and loud VERY UNSCARY music coming from the open room beside and below us was really killing the mood. It wasn’t just a mariachi band; it was a full-on fucking rodeo.

The foggy image is because of the fog machines.

The foggy image is because of the fog machines.

There’s a bull back there. A motherfucking bull.

They haunted house refused to open until these people finished playing. These people just refused to finish. An hour and twenty minutes after the house was scheduled to open, they finally started letting people in. The mood was not set with scary music or dark lobbies. It was set with a fucking tuba and the running of the bulls. Or a bullfight. Or something. Come to think of it, I bet hooha electricity girl out front would have had one hell of a time trying to ride the bull…

Luckily, our friends are pretty fun, and the clowns kept stopping by.

Scary clown with a knife

The house itself was meh. The first part was a pair of too-long dark mazes. The second part was a neon 3-D porn cartoon. The last part was the kind of haunted house that you picture – murderous creepers, a shrine to John Wayne Gacy, people eating people…screamers, psychos…

image

Overall, not terrible, but the venue is going to get a nasty letter from me. Because they made Brian mad with this mariachi bullshit. And nobody messes with my boyfriend.

Have you been to a haunted house this year? What’s your favorite part of a haunted house?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!