The Random Shit They Left Us

Good morning blog friends! Brian and I spent the weekend painting with my second mother (my mom’s best friend who just taught me how to paint a room). She and I also made our way downtown to a very depressing Bears game. And then back for more painting.

This is my backyard. Before it was my backyard. But it's pretty, right?

This is my backyard. Before it was my backyard. But it’s pretty, right?

So as I’m writing this (Sunday night), I’m covered in paint, in dire need of a shower (don’t ask how long it’s been), and beat to hell (is it nap time yet?).

But I really wanted to share this little gem of a story with you. Because I think it’s amusing.

The sellers of our house left us lots of helpful things to get started with our first homeownership adventure. I know that they were thinking of us when they left these things, because they sent a message through the attorneys asking if we wanted them to leave paint and extra fixture-type thingies. (Someone please tell me why EVERYTHING has to go through attorneys and real estate agents instead of just people to people? Because the games of Telephone that we had to play in this whole house-buying process was a giant pain in the ass.) We said “sure.”

Not that we wanted the extra paint in the rooms we would be painting over as soon as possible. But you never know.

So they left cans of paint and stain for the cedar siding. They left light bulbs and extra sticky tiles from the 80’s/90’s. They left bubble wrap and packing boxes. They left a bunch of normal, helpful stuff.
And then they left a whole bunch of random.

Like the brand new, unused skylight flashing dated back to 2004, which would have been PRETTY useful under the skylight that we have to get fixed because it has no flashing and was instead sealed with roofing tar and leaked into our attic/master bathroom (before we bought the house-we knew about it…no money pit here, yet). You know…useful stuff.

Even the curtains, while not really my style at all, are helpful...even if they are getting replaced asap. (By the way, feel free to note the paint color. Next to it is a blue family room and what was a salmon kitchen. Hence the weekend painting.)

Even the curtains, while not really my style at all, are helpful…even if they are getting replaced asap. (By the way, feel free to note the paint color. Next to it is a blue family room and what was a salmon kitchen. Hence the weekend painting.)

Or the insulation paper, which conveniently made the perfect tarp for painting.

painting tarp?

Or the strange yarn/belt/beady thing that I have no idea what it is.

It's like 5 feet long.

It’s like 5 feet long.

Or the magical mystery Ocen Spray cranberry juice bottle filled with some creepy, unlabeled brown liquid.

Juice? Maaaybe not.

Juice? Maaaybe not.

Which I assume is some sort of stain due to the close proximity of other stains and paint.
Paint and things
Which is mostly strange because they labeled fucking everything else. (This was one of Brian’s favorite features of the house. Labeled duct work.)

They also left the piece de resistance next to the bubble wrap in the basement…
Bubble wrap
Can you spot it?
Tighty Whities
Don’t worry, I took a close up. Of the tighty whities. Which I can only assume/hope are clean and were used as a cleaning rag of some sort. Brian and I are fighting over who has to remove them from the basement. I feel like they’re going to stay forever with the current standstill…

Of course, as people move out, they choose to take things with them.

Our sellers took the avocado green clothes dryer (and the washer) – we knew they were taking those. And the shower curtain rod. And the canned goods from the bathroom closet.
Canned goods in the bathroom
And the confederate flag.

I'm not upset that they took that with them. And they did a bangup awesome job of cleaning things up down there. So I'm not complaining. Just musing.

I’m not upset that they took that with them. And they did a bangup awesome job of cleaning things up down there. So I’m not complaining. Just musing.

Blog Friends, have you moved into a new place to discover strange things left behind? What’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen in a house? Have you left strange things behind? Would you do it just to be funny?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

‘Twas the Night Before We Bought Our House…

Blog friends! We bought a house! I wrote you a little poem! Okay, I’m going to stop using exclamation points now. The night before we closed on our house, Brian’s dad thought it would be the perfect opportunity to watch The Amityville Horror. I know. I KNOW. Not the best idea. So I thought I’d write you a little poem about it. I never claimed to be a poet, but here’s what I came up with.

The night before we closed on our house, we made some poor choices and watched Amityville Horror

‘Twas the night before closing, and all through my brain
Not a thought was unnerving; I wasn’t going insane;
Appointments were made for paint and repair,
In hopes that our house would get some tender loving care;
I was perfectly nestled all snug on the couch;
While visions of Christmas danced in my thoughts;
When Brian was working, his dad with the remote,
Had just chosen a movie for us to enjoy,
When on the TV, there arose such a fright,
I curled even deeper; I wished it weren’t night.
A couple was purchasing a beautiful home,
That soon would be full of terrors and ghosts.
Shirtless Ryan Reynolds couldn’t improve,
The terrifying show that was supposed to amuse,
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But Brian to help assuage my great fear,
With snuggles from Brian and a laugh from his dad,
I knew that this movie wasn’t half bad.
More wicked visions and evil house sights,
And the couple that moved there was trying to fight.
The movie it ended; they all got away,
Their stuff left in the house, but they couldn’t stay
The credits, they rolled in the dark family room
And bedtime had come; it came much too soon
I slept with the lights on; how could I not?
My mind was now panicked and worried with wrought;
What if our house would be trying to kill us?
Just then, in a moment I was falling asleep
The room was quite quiet, ’til Bri started to creep.
As he crawled into bed, he made barely a sound,
I made him make promises just in case we found
Our house to be possessed and he’d try to kill me,
I said, “Brian don’t hack my body up with an axe;”
He responded not to worry, he didn’t have an axe,
And he looked a little wicked with a gleam in his eye.
“I’d have to use a mop or a broom til you die”
“Well, Brian I don’t think that’s what I meant”
He looked at me, laughing, “Don’t circumvent.
It’s not me that will kill you, the house wants you dead;”
I said, “Brian, those aren’t thoughts I want in my head,”
And he turned out the light and snuggled me close;
I said, “Don’t just ignore me – it’s scary, you know?”
He laughed at my worry and patted my cheek.
And promised to keep me safe from the freaks,
And I laughed when he said this, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, and I went to sleep,
And dreamed all the dreams of life in our keep,
I know that we’ll have a wonderful life,
And maybe one day he’ll even make me his wife;
We woke up the next morning ready to start,
The first day of homeownership – now the hard part.
As we pulled up to the house our agent was waiting—
The house is now ours – we’re cohabitating.

So anyways, with this milestone that is buying a freaking house, we prepared (poorly) by watching The Amityville Horror. Ryan Reynolds really was shirtless most of the movie. I really did go to sleep with the lights on. Brian really did promise to kill me with a mop or a broom because he didn’t have an axe. And we really are homeowners now.

As I was telling my mom about our movie night the next day (mere hours after we bought the house), she told me that it was a true story.

Wait, what? I’m sleeping with the lights on forever.

So I went to Netflix to see what they had for me. I figure we might as well continue down this haunted house rabbit hole (you know, considering we’re moving during peak Halloween season) and stream a few other Amityville Horror movies…just for funsies.

Amityville Horror

Oh look! There’s a 45 minute feature on the true story of Amityville. Yep. Totally going to watch it.

Blog Friends, do you enjoy scary movies? Do they freak you out? Have you ever watched the wrong scary movie at the wrong time? Have you purchased a home? What was it like for you?

I’m part of the Netflix Stream Team and was recently given a complimentary subscription to Netflix in order to share my experiences. Though I currently have complimentary service, I’ve been a Netflix subscriber for years and wouldn’t have it any other way.

StreamTeamBadge

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!