Dreaming in a time of Covid-19

I have been having a lot of bizarre dreams since this whole pandemic thing started. And apparently I’m not alone.

How very Stephen King of us.

Here are just a couple things I’ve dreamed about…

Hugging dreams

I can count the number of hugs from people other than Brian I’ve received/given on two hands. Most of them were so habitual that I didn’t even realize I’d done it until it was too late to remind myself that I’m not supposed to hug people. The only two I purposefully engaged in were with my 3-year-old niece — because how can you even tell a toddler she can’t hug you? And then I hugged my brother on my birthday — because I just wanted a damn birthday hug okay? But I haven’t hugged either of my parents, despite seeing them with some frequency. They’ve been a part of our bubble since the third week of the pandemic because I had to take Dad to doctor’s appointments.

So it should come as no surprise that hugging plays a key role in my nightly adventures. I’ve dreamed of long and cozy hugs, consoling hugs, hugs of affection from my nieces and nephews, hugs with strangers and contraband hugs, full-well knowing that we’re not supposed to hug. Last night, I hugged some high school friends who were all commenting on a real-life Facebook post about hugging.

If I were Dorothy, I would have hugged hugs before Covid and said, I think I’ll miss you most of all. Because that has been the hardest to accept.

Grocery store nightmares

Most of my Covid anxiety happens in grocery stores. Too many people and no one following the rules, signs, or one-way aisles. I even got in a real life altercation with some lady in Aldi who refused to wear a mask, even though they’re required in Illinois. I wouldn’t have even said anything if she wasn’t breathing her germs all over the cheese. As it was, I did, and she started me down, stormed toward me, and breathed in my face all the while glaring at me as if her dagger eyes could hurt me. I called her a bitch and moved on with my life.

Which makes sense that I’ve had no fewer than a dozen grocery dreams. Some in which I’m yelling at strangers, others in which strangers are entering my personal space or crowding me, and more still in which I just have a general feeling of dread walking into the store as if it were Mordor.

I’ve since left most of my grocery shopping to the professionals and swear by Whole Foods delivery (it’s free with Amazon Prime) and curbside pickup everywhere else.

Travel dreams that turn nighmarish

I’ve already had to cancel at least 4 trips that I can think of off the top of my head. I miss adventures and Disney and seeing new places, and I suspect more trips will be canceled before the year is up.

So I dream of going places. I’ve dreamt of travel with Brian, girls weekends in rental houses, and of course, Disney. Of course, all of these dreams have been tainted with a Covid haze. People not wearing masks and standing too close to me. Getting sick. Not being able to come home. Getting other people sick.

Basically, I’m full of all the anxiety. I have been slowly opening my life up and doing some things, but keeping my exposure to a minimum.

I don’t grocery shop, because it just gives me too much anxiety.

But I have gone to some other stores. If they are crowded, I turn around and leave. If they’re empty, I wear a mask, carry my own Clorox wipes with me and use them to open doors, wipe carts, touch credit card styluses, etc.

Brian and I have been out to eat a few times on patios, and we wear our masks whenever talking to servers etc.

We’ve seen a few people, but typically do patio/deck social distancing BYOpicnic.

I got my hair done, and last week, I took an even bigger chance and finally got a massage (after I confirmed all of their precautions).

Mask life

So I want to know what you’re dreaming about? How are you handling life with Covid? Are you still staying home or adventuring out? Tell me everything.

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

A decade ago

I started 2010 with my favorite people in all the world: my family. We played Wii and ate snacks, and my godson spent the night at my house so he could keep playing video games for a few more hours. He fell asleep to The Doctor Seuss Sleep Book sometime around 3 am, just before all hell broke loose.

Drama ensued with a friend’s ex-boyfriend banging on my parents door while a toddler slept on a blanket bed on my floor.

You might say that the decade began with me realizing the things I wanted in my life and seeing clearly the things I didn’t want.

January 3, 2010 brought a trio of bad January 3rds. In 2010, I lost my boyfriend (got dumped). In 2011, I lost my car. And in 2012, I lost my job. I stopped paying attention to dates after that.

2010 was my experimental year. It was the year I said yes to a lot of different things. I tried on boys and friends and jobs like they were DKNY dresses.

“You know it’s not your style, but it’s right there, so you try it on anyway.” -Carrie Baradshaw

I was still obsessed with Carrie Bradshaw, not yet aware that the character was toxic and self-destructive. Not quite realizing that I, too, was a little on the self-destructive side.

I chased boys instead of dreams. I spread drama instead of joy. I let others dictate who I was instead of shouting from the rooftops that I was the only me there would ever be.

2010 Chrissy and her baby brother

And then on December 15, 2010, I met someone who would become the catalyst that helped me uncover and fall in love with my true self. He didn’t change me. He wasn’t the reason for my transformation. But he did light a fire inside me. A fire that longed to know who I am and what I wanted. A fire that gave me permission to change my mind and build on the dreams I’ve always had with the dreams I create for tomorrow. I am a dreamer, and I will never stop dreaming.

I’ve spent nearly a decade with Brian, and time seems to both fly and last forever – each in the best possible way.

So thanks, 2010s. I still don’t know how to refer to you (the tens? The teens? The 2010s?), but I do know you made me a better, stronger me. You helped me get back to my roots and chase the dreams I’ve long been afraid to chase.

And for the record, I’m still glad I was a boy chaser in the 2000s/aughts/whatever, because we all know I had to chase Brian to the end of a Myers-Briggs test before he finally asked me out.

Happy new year friends! Hope the decade is full of joy and laughter!I know mine was full of joy and laughter…and sadness too.

Here’s a “quick” decade in review after that first year of the teens:

  • 2011: Got a new car
  • 2011: Snowmaggedon
  • 2011: Started dating Brian
  • 2011: Quit the restaurant/bar business forever
  • 2011: Decided I didn’t want to be a teacher
  • 2011:Got my first job in marketing
  • 2012: I was laid off from a job for the first time ever
  • 2012: Brian and I took our first vacation together
  • 2012: I started this blog
  • 2012: I made friends all over the internet
  • 2012: Brian’s mom got sick
  • 2012: I went back to Disney World (and dragged Brian) for the first time in over a decade
  • 2012: Brian and I moved into our first apartment
  • 2013: I started a new marketing job in the city working for Sears
  • 2013: We lost Brian’s mom because cancer is the worst
  • 2013: I started making money on this little blog
  • 2013: Our apartment tried to kill me (and I learned I am highly affected by mold and doctors are the worst)
  • 2014: We moved out of death apartment and temporarily into Brian’s childhood home
  • 2014: We bought a house
  • 2015: I left my job at Sears and started a new gig as a content editor
  • 2015: I lost another car
  • 2015: We got engaged
  • 2016: I attended my first Erma Bombeck Writer’s Workshop and realized I was, in fact, a feminist
  • 2016: Brian and I were married on a beautiful Friday afternoon in September in a sea of pink and teal
  • 2016: We went to Europe (France, Belgium, and Disneyland Paris)
  • 2016: The world changed a lot with a single election.
  • 2017: I left my job and started chasing all the dreams
  • 2017: Went to Disney World with my family for the first time in 20 years for mom’s 60th birthday
  • 2018: I attended the Erma Bombeck Writer’s Workshop and was inspired to take my first class at The Second City
  • 2018: We adopted our puppy, Lady Nymeria Stark (Nia) and filled our house with joy (and barking)
  • 2018: I had my first several improv performances at The Second City and improved my writing tenfold
  • 2018: I became a WDW annual passholder
  • 2019: I finished the Improv A-E program at The Second City
  • 2019: Brian and I traveled to Ireland and visited the places his parents hailed from.
  • 2019: I auditioned for and got into The Second City music improv program
  • 2019: I started taking classes at Westside Improv
Nearly 2020 Chrissy. Bring. It. On.

Tonight, Brian and I will ring in the next decade together. One of the firsts we haven’t yet shared with each other. We’ll be among friends with a roaring twenties theme and bottles of bubbles.

And I’ll leave you with my hope for your new year. I wish you the best of the next decade and hope that you chase your dreams and live them out. May magic find you every day and may joy fill your hearts.

Happy New Year, friends. Joy and laughter always.

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Confession Friday: I Have a Planning Problem

In the last several weeks, we’ve been browsing house after house after house looking for OUR house. From hundreds of houses online to dozens of showings, we’ve/I’ve spent countless hours looking for just the right house.

Several times in the last few weeks, we’ve even thought to ourselves is this our home? And truly meant it. So we plan. We plan what we would need to do to it to make it ours and often…it’s too much.

Well, we’d have to knock out that wall.

We’d want to add on an entire section to make that room fit for a grown adult and not a gnome.

We should refinish those kitchen cabinets.

We need to remodel the entire kitchen.

Why don’t we just MAKE that room part of the kitchen?

That bathroom needs a nice tub.

I veto the claustrophobic shower.

We need wood trim throughout the house.

Oh dear God! Why would they paint that beautiful trim?

The list of random suburban home planning goes on. We realized that none of those houses were our house. We need a mix of old house bones and charm wirh modern conveniences like air conditioning for hot Chicago summers and a large kitchen for all the parties I can’t wait to host.

I also plan for parties. How we would decorate for Halloween and Christmas. Because I want to host Christmas. And you already know how I feel about Halloween.

The other day, Brian tried to rein in my Christmas tree problem by telling me that we couldn’t get a new tree if we end up with vaulted ceilings…which is ridiculous because I’ve already planned for the giant ass Christmas tree I’m going to put in whatever giant ass room I can.

So I have a planning problem. Because right now, I’m sitting here with a notebook and a pen…writing a list…drawing diagrams…planning.

For a house we haven’t bought.

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!