Real Talk About Babies

So, now that we’re married, Brian and I have been having the baby conversation. You know, because we’re not spring chickens or anything. Note, before we get things going here: I AM NOT PREGNANT. Okay good. Glad we got that out of the way.

Our youngest wedding guest

This was our youngest wedding guest. I’m just smitten with the little boy I call Cap’t.

The conversation has kinda gone something like this.

Me: Brian, I want a little girl. If I don’t get a little girl, it’s all. your. fault.

Brian:  Oh really?

Me: Yep.

Brian: I see.

And, sometimes, it goes like this:

Me: Do you want a girl or a boy?

Brian: It’s probably cliche, but I don’t really care, you know, if it’s healthy. Some people really want, like, a mini me.

Me: …

Brian: You know like a miniature version  of themself…

Me: …

Me: starts nodding enthusiastically

Brian: I take it that’s what you want?

Me: Don’t YOU want a Mini-Me? Not like a Mini-You…a Mini-Me. A Mini-Chrissy. Can’t you just imagine living with two of us!?

Brian:…

And SOMETIMES, it goes like this:

Me: I want all the babies!!

Brian: Oh yeah?

Me: Yep. I want a Mini-Me and a little boy who loves me forever. And what if our first little girl is nothing like me? We’d obviously have to try again. You know, until we get it just right.

Brian:…

And then there are the times it goes like this:

Me: Brian, will you still love me if I get pregnant and am totally crazy?

In other news, I think he’s warming  up to the idea of us getting a dog.

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Harry Potter vs. Captain America

One time, I convinced one of my best friends to dress up as Harry Potter and go to a costume party with me. It was awesome.

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And then, this morning, Brian and I had the following conversation:

Me: If someone wants to polyjuice me, my hair just fell on the ground.

But, to be fair, I shed all the time. So I guess that doesn’t really make a difference.

Brian: So you’re saying, the next time I see you, you might not be you.

Me: Yes.

Brian: Well shit! How am I going to know it’s you?

Me: We shouldhave a secret passphrase so you know.

Unless I’m polyjuice me right now. And then real me will never know the passphrase.

Brian: …

I think he’s still considering the possibilities.

Don’t fight it, Brian. The polyjuice is gonna getcha.

Brian’s going to see Captain America Civil War tonight with his coworkers as part of a work adventure. Without me. I’d be upset, but I saw a prescreening on Monday night in IMAX 3D, and I don’t think Brian’s viewing will top that.

I don’t want to give away any spoilers, but I will say that the Captain America movies are among my favorites in the Marvel Studios movie series. (Guardians of the Galaxy trumps all). It was fantastic.

What would happen if someone polyjuiced the hair of Captain America? Click To Tweet

And if anyone cares, I’m on Team Ironman. I think.

You know what? I think I just came up with Marvel’s next movie.

Captain America vs. Harry Potter. Call me, Warner Brothers and Disney. I’ve gota great idea!

Are you a Harry Potter or Marvel fan? Who would you pick in a battle: Harry Potter and his peeps or the Avengers?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

I Have the Laryngitis

I think.

I mean, I’m  a little bit of a hypochondriac,  but I’m pretty sure that my inability to speak like a normal Chrissy, let alone a normal human, puts my diagnosis in the not exaggerating box.

It’s as if someone said, “Chrissy, you have all these things to say and people to talk to, so fuck you. We’re putting your vocal chords in timeout.”

It’s not like I’m trying to plan a wedding here or anything.

Yesterday, Brian and I  had the following conversation while at work:

Brian: How are you feeling?

Me: It’s just my throat/chest/voice. Otherwise I’m okay.

Brian: Those are pretty important body parts.

Me: That’s just because chest = boobs

Brian: I would also prefer you breathing!

Brian, of course, thinks my new voice is rather adorable. Personally, I think he just likes that I am barely speaking. Unnecessary verbal conversation has ceased, but as Brian pointed out, he thinks I’m having fun with it.

It’s probably because I may or may not have attempted singing along to the Gilmore Girls theme song once…or twice…or okay fine. Five times. It wasn’t pretty. Think the worst bad karaoke you’ve ever heard. I’m worse.

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Every word comes out scratchy, and every 3rd word is pretty much inaudible. For someone who loves to talk, it’s a nightmare.

One of the things I like to do when I’m dying of some mystery illness, though, is to consider what crazy series of events led me to this slow and painful death sequence. I’m quite positive it has everything to do with cleaning. Brian and I went to his childhood home and cleaned out some of the drawers in his childhood bedroom. I found his grade school gym uniform! And a certificate for achievement in courtesy dated 4 days after my birth! It was magical and adorable. But I’m blaming the dust for my vocal chords going on strike.

Luckily, when I get home at night, I have everything a girl could possibly need: Gilmore Girls, a holiday puzzle on the coffee table, snacks, and Brian.

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He takes care of me when I’m sick. He’s the best.

Have you ever lost your voice? What is your favorite show to binge watch? How do you handle being sick?

This post was brought to you by Netflix who provides me with a monthly subscription and a device on which I can binge watch Gilmore Girls as part of the Stream Team. As usual this story is all mine and no one paid me for my opinions.

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Even the Pink Fucking Monkey Gets a Vote

Yesterday was Election Day. We has a pretty big race here in Illinois, and I don’t even want to talk about it.

Instead, I’ll talk about the very serious vote in our house (holy crap, I can say house) last night.

So Brian has picked up this strange habit of not putting the toilet seat down. Which would be less strange if he had been doing it as long as I’ve known him. But it’s a recent development.

Obviously, this new development isn’t on my list of favorites, OCD tendencies and all…so I brought it up to him. I was in bed, and he was standing up. Our bed still isn’t on a frame, so it’s pretty low to the ground, too. It felt like I was a foot tall and he was a giant beast (in, like, not a bad way).

His response? “Maybe, that’s how it’s supposed to be.”

“No.”

“Okay…let’s vote! Everyone who thinks the toilet seat should stay up, raise your hands!” He raised both hands high towards the ceiling.

Then, I said, “All in favor of the toilet seat staying down, raise your hands.” I raised both of my hands.

He decided he needed another vote, he looked around the room, and then he grabbed The Octopod, raising all eight of his tentacles.

The Octopod

The Octopod was the only stuffed creature that Brian brought to our relationship.

I told him The Octopod does NOT count, or so help me, I would get out of bed and every other stuffed animal and doll would be on Team Seat Down.

“You wouldn’t be able to hold all their hands up!”

“Oh yes I would. Rufus. Samantha. Teddy. Staley. Kermit. Even the Pink Fucking Monkey.”

Stuffed animals

Some of the stuffed creatures. Okay, so I got Kermit for Brian for Christmas one year (he named his car Kermit after completely disregarding my option to name him Charlie)

Rufus

Rufus the dog was Brian’s Valentine’s Day gift to me a few years ago…he said, “I got you a dog.” Last night, I said, “My dog’s got votes.”

“That’s his name? Not the fucking pink monkey? The Pink Fucking Monkey? Really?”

“Yep. I mean. He didn’t have a name…but now he does.”

And that, my friends, is how I won the toilet seat debate.

Do you have a toilet seat struggle in your home? How do you solve debates? What are your thoughts on the whole toilet seat thing?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Things My Boyfriend Noticed About My Hair and Things He May Have Missed…

Brian rarely notices things I do to my hair. When he does, it’s kind of a big deal. A few weeks ago, I mentioned trying out Living Proof PhD (Perfect hair Day) so that you could get the DL on the life-altering promises that this stuff made. (Wait, you mean I really won’t have to wash my hair as often? And it’s going to be cleaner? And more awesome?) After using this for well over a month, I can safely say that yes, it really did mean less hair washing without looking gross (Note: Previously, I could go about 2 days without washing my hair before it started looking SERIOUSLY oily and gross. That’s me. Not everyone. Just clarifying).

Living Proof

Note: I participated in an Influencer Activation on behalf of Influence Central for Living Proof. I received product samples to facilitate my review and to thank me for my participation.

So I’ve been washing my hair every 3 days or so (I actually went 4 days at one point…don’t you judge me) since starting this Living Proof regimen, and I haven’t been disappointed.

Living Proof Perfect Hair Day Review

I really enjoyed the results of styling my hair after using PhD. (And I can’t take a picture without making a funny face)

In my infinite wisdom, I styled my hair for Halloween…

Disclaimer: Normal people don't do their hair like this. But it's Halloween week, y'all.

Disclaimer: Normal people don’t do their hair like this. But it’s Halloween week, y’all.

And THANKFULLY, it wasn’t completely destroyed after the mass amounts of hairspray and teasing.

Living proof review

The day after the Halloween party. Unwashed hair. Boom.

And even after washing my hair and styling it, it’s definitely not destroyed.

As I’ve been testing this product out, Brian really has noticed several things about my hair, and I, of course, responded as best as I could:

  •  “Your hair is softer. Did you do something to it?”
    • “I didn’t wash it?”
  • “Your hair smells nice.”
    • “It’s not my favorite smell, but I feel a lot better knowing that it’s just me being weird.” (Disclaimer – I hate orangy/citrusy smells for some odd reason, even though I love orange and citrus)
  • “You’ve been taking a lot of bubble baths lately.”
    • “That’s because I don’t have to shower as often. This pleases me greatly. But I should probably still be clean and wash self.”

Of course, there are things he didn’t notice, and probably wouldn’t have, which bums me out because it’s pretty awesome.

  • My hair is literally squeaky clean. When I’m washing my hair, I don’t know if I’m losing it, but I definitely hear/feel the squeaks. Because this stuff is really getting to the root of the problem. Pun intended.
  • My hair doesn’t look like a disgusting greasy mess, even though you haven’t washed it in days. Well done.
Living Proof

The products I received from Living Proof to review.

In the grand scheme of things, this slightly pricier shampoo/conditioner set seems pretty worth it for the convenience and quality factor. I was legit skeptical at first, but I’m totally a believer. I’m not as big a fan of the styling treatment (I think it’s because I needed to wash my hair slightly more often when I used that, whereas the shampoo and conditioner alone gave me a longer run time), but after watching the following video, I’m willing to give it another go for some beachy waves (is it bad that I’m ALREADY thinking about our next Florida trip?).

So you’re interested in trying this sweet stuff out? Through November 8th, you can get free shipping and a free travel size PhD 5-in-1 Styling Treatment with the purchase of $20 or more using the following Living Proof coupon code.
○ Promotional Code: NOV2014

What do you do for the perfect hair day? What is your idea of a great hair day? How do you combat bad hair days? Have you ever teased the ever-loving-everything out of your hair?

 

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Every Two Seconds Someone Punches Someone Else in the Arm-And That’s Why We Can’t Have Nice Things…or World Peace

A conversation Brian and I had this morning had me in tears I was laughing so hard. I had every intention of getting on the train and typing it in my phone so that I didn’t forget it. And then I got on the train and got all chatty…and boom. It was lost.

So when I went to write the post at lunch, I was all, SHIT! I forgot what we were laughing about. Or rather, what I was laughing about. Luckily, when you have a boyfriend as cool as mine, he’ll text you a little reminder. And then you win at life.

Brian: What do you want for your birthday?

Me (thinking): I hate this question
Me (talking): I don’t know. World peace.
Brian: Okay. I will give you world peace. Two whole seconds of it.
Me: That’s impossible. The whole world is never asleep for the same two seconds.
Brian: No one has to be asleep. I will give you two seconds of world peace. You don’t have to trust me.
Me: You’re not going to give me world peace.
Brian: Yes I am. I’ll give you two seconds of world peace. It’ll be good. You’ll love it.
Me: It’s not even possible. Something bad happens in every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every week of…
Brian: No. I’ll give you two seconds.
Me: I don’t believe you.
Brian: You’ll get two seconds of peace. I swear. And I will tell you ahead of time so that it’s an actual prediction, but it’s up to you to confirm it. But you will probably punch me in the shoulder during that time out of spite like a typical human.
Me: I don’t have to punch you in the arm. It’s not going to be two seconds of world peace.
Brian: You’re going to punch me in the arm in those two seconds aren’t you?
Me: Yes.
birthday dessert

This. I want this for my birthday. Cheese in my dessert.

I hate it when people ask what I want for my birthday. So the next time someone asks, I want something really clever to say. Any ideas? What do you want for YOUR birthday?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Three Years Later, and No One Can Make Me Laugh as Much as This Guy

Today is our third anniversary. We’ve now got 3 years of a laughter-foundation to build on. Last year on our anniversary, I wrote Brian a schmoopy and ridiculous letter and made him a super special card.

This year, I’ll spare you the schmoop and (hopefully) make you laugh.

Thanks to Daylight Savings Time, I’m still not in my normal sleep patterns. So Brian was ready to fall asleep the other night when I rolled into bed. I popped a melatonin (Dudes. The NatureMade Vitamelts taste like mint chocolate. #shamelessplug #noonepaidme) and tried to get sleepy.

Of course, I started rambling at Brian about him getting sleepy and hypnotizing him into loving Disney and wanting to go to all the Disney parks in the world. He picked up on my game and started saying we could go to Disney Antarctica (and that segwayed into tap-dancing penguins [because shouldn’t every conversation lead to tap-dancing penguins?] and flying puffins).

Eventually, though, he commented on my lack of sleepiness. And this is how that conversation went down.

Brian: You’re not tired at all, are you.
Me: Nope. But I’m trying to tone it down.
Brian: You’re melatonin it down, you mean?

At which point I started laughing like a hyena and giggling like it was the funniest thing on the planet. Even though it wasn’t really. And then he was totally awake. And trying to shush me. But I couldn’t. Stop. Laughing. And was thankful that our downstairs neighbors moved out because I was laughing REALLY loud. And I would have felt bad.

5 minutes later, I was out like a light.  I do that. All awake one minute; passed out the next.

Things like this happen. All. The. Time. Because he’s funny. But mostly, he’s funny to me.

To the best boyfriend on the entire planet-Happy Anniversary.

Do you and your person/boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/partner have weird inside jokes and make each other laugh with really bad jokes?

 

 

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Friday Five: Awesome Things About Yesterday

My pal Lauren over at Filing Jointly does this little Five Things Friday sometimes. I really hope she doesn’t mind if I borrow it today. Because I couldn’t decide what to share with you. And I had things to share!

1.

Firefly: The Board Game

I FINALLY Got Firefly the Board Game. I pre-ordered it on August 25. And have been waiting. And waiting. And waiting.

2. I discovered that there is a solo campaign for my new board game. So I don’t have to play with the dog Brian won’t let me have.

3.This textversationwith Brian.
Textversation

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4. Sweater weather. I LOVE sweater weather. You know why? Because it’s actually hoodie weather in disguise. And I wear hoodies a lot. Okay. Now I’m just making shit up to hit five. Should I stop here or keep going?

5. I’ve never been one to beat a dead horse, but…maybe I can muster one more interesting thing in my life…oh! My train conductor. My train conductor is freakin hilarious. And awesome. And yesterday, as I was digging through my laptop bag, searching for my wallet with coffe and cell phone in one hand, he was all, “Hey! What are you doing? Need help?.” Proud Chrissy replied, “Nah. Just checking for my wallet.” “Oh. Ok. You know if you ever need to borrow cash, you just let me know.” He often throws in social commentary on the world and other awesome random comments. Best. Conductor. Ever.

Today’s going to be a great day! It’s my last on a team of 2 writers and a manager, as we triple the number of copywriters in Monday!!

Happy Friday, blog friends! What’s going to make your day fabulous?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Brian’s Weirder Than Me

So the other night, Brian and I were in the grocery store and chatting about something ridiculous. And he set down the shopping basket to make these huge hand gestures and get REALLY excited about the nerdiness of our conversation. And people stared.

Then he walked away to get hot dog buns.

As he was disappearing down another aisle, I yelled out to him, “You know what I love?”

“Cheese?”

“Well, that. And the fact that no matter how weird I am, you’re JUST as weird.”

“Nope. I’m definitely weirder.”

And then he disappeared. And people stared some more.

What makes your person your match? Are you as weird as us?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

In Case You Were Wondering, I’m Not a Boy

Every month, it’s the same emotional rollercoaster. And I’m sick of it.

Me: I hate being a girl.
*thinks some thoughts*
Me: But I love you.
*thinks some more thoughts*
Brian: mmhmm…
Me: You know what? If I were a boy, I would totally be gay with you.
Brian: no. I don’t think that’s how it works.
Me: Yes it is. What? You wouldn’t want to be gay with me?
Brian: No.
Me: So you’re saying if I was a boy, you wouldn’t still love me. That’s not very nice.
*he pats me on the head*
Brian: But you’re a girl, so it doesn’t matter.
Me: Yes it does! Ok, maybe not.

So there’s that.

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!