Dear DuPage County,
Thank you SO much for inviting me to participate in the judicial system this past Halloween. You’re right. I DID feel like I was a part of something important. I know that just because the two cases that could have potentially become jury trials didn’t actually require the juror pool doesn’t mean that my day was wasted. I mean…
I got to wear a cape. To the courthouse.
That’s important shit right there.
Yes. I know, you were surprised to see me there with my sweet red hooded cape, especially with all that rain and nastiness that ensued, but I was there. Bright and early. And I thank you for not mentioning my sweet disguise. It was really appreciated that you didn’t note that I made an effort to really bring the holiday spirit to the courthouse. Thanks for that.
I’m also aware that your X-ray machine broke my laptop temporarily so that I could avoid work, losing an entire day unable to get the shit I need to get done, done…and enjoy the benefits of the jury lounge, mainly the giant bowl of Halloween candy, which I made sure to empty before the day was out (even if I had to grab some for the road when you released us), and of course the endless loop of HGTV, which I clearly could NOT get enough of. I really appreciate that one.
(<rant>By the way, if you watch HGTV with any regularity…PLEASE for the love of cheese explain to me how. Those people are the most obnoxious people I’ve ever seen. “I don’t like the paint on that half a million dollar house, so no…I don’t think I’ll buy it.” Screw you and your $500,000 house budget. Go spend $50, buy a can of paint and change it. </rant>)
I also want to thank you, because I found myself wishing (out of sheer boredom) that I was put on a trial. Or at least picked to be a potential juror, where I could entertain them with my hooded cloak. Or get in trouble. One of those.
So, DuPage county, if after a year (because you’ll unfortunately be keeping my name out of the jury box for 1 whole year), you feel that I should be so lucky as to need to do my civic duty again…I’ve decided.
You can’t change my mind.
The cape is coming with me. Halloween or not. Henceforth, jury duty will be known as Halloween II. And I shall always wear a cape.
Get excited. I’ll be waiting.
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