And Now, A Post-Christmas Song/Poem.

So I wrote a song to commemorate my very sad day. Usually, I would postpone this shit as long as humanly possible, but I want to come home from FLORIDA to a clean house and nothing to do but vacation laundry and seashell projects.

Plus with another polar vortex/ice age/death cold coming in a few days, I’d rather just get this shit out of the way.

Packing up the Christmas tree

Half the ornaments are already off the tree…Now it’s time for those individual Hallmark boxes. FML.

The Christmas Alma Mater Song (to the tune of the Mickey Mouse Club Alma Mater Song, but shorter. Because I’m lazy.)

Now it’s time

To say goodbye

To all my Christmas trees.

They start with C

See ya real soon

There is no Y

Why? Because we like them.

Pa-cking up the trees.

Christmas trees

Mistletoe

Christmas trees

Mistletoe

Forever let us hold the garland high

High high high!

Come along and sing this song

That is melancholy.

Ornaments.

Christmas Lights.

Packing up the tree.

 

As you can see, my apartment is in shambles, so I best stop this blogging nonsense and get to it. Maybe later, if I get enough written incentive and booze, I’ll videotape my song for you.

 

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

How I Tricked Brian Into Christmas Music

Dear Katie,
Don’t hate me. ūüôā
 
Also, side note: Just because I won’t start decorating, doesn’t mean I can’t get a little into the holiday spirit…
 

So last night, I was cooking dinner and Brian was putting our new table together (not IKEA to inquiring minds). He had turned on Pandora, and we were jammin’ out. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw him move towards the laptop to change the station…I was immediately drawn to the table, where I sneakily stood behind him (and he didn’t notice)…

I watched as he searched Pandora for Christmas music. He hovered over the “stations.” He debated internally like I have never seen before. And then…it was gone. He closed out and started to get up.

“No! You should do it!” I cried.

“What the?!” Apparently he really hadn’t noticed that I was standing. right. behind. him. the. whole. time. “No, I just can’t. It’s too soon.”

I looked at him, disheartened, and asked, “Do you know how much more I would have loved you if you had done it?”

“I would have lost a little bit of respect for myself.”

“No…Christmas music is good. It’s good.”

“Nope. Not yet. Thanksgiving is as early as it should be, and even that is pushing it.”

“But it’s only a week away!”

“And a week, you must wait.”

So I sat down at the computer and put on Pandora Christmas. The first song that came on was Baby, It’s Cold Outside. Brian’s response was that this was an acceptable song, because it didn’t discuss Christmas at all. Then White Christmas came on and I was ballerina-ing around our super tiny kitchen. Much like when Katie and I pretend we are Romy and Michelle dancing at the prom.

No joke, we do this at every wedding we go to together.

Brian and I hadn’t even been dating a year when this happened. And instead of judging us…he got it on video.

Anyways…back to Christmas music. So after White Christmas came Faith Hill…and Brian couldn’t take any more. So I stopped dancing and made my way over to the computer, where I changed the station to Winter Solstice. He said that that was alright. The sound of instrumental music filled the apartment. Not one Christmas-y word was heard…though there were most definitely a lot of Christmas-y tunes.

Brian said to me, “Why is the solstice music talking about Jesus?”

“I didn’t hear the word, Jesus…”

“I most definitely heard Jesus in my head.”

“But no one said ‘Jesus.'”

“I see what you’re doing… this is trickery it is.”

Ah yes. Trickery indeed. Christmas Music is Coming…

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Confession Friday: Christmas Music is Coming

Yes. Yes, I said it. Confession Friday: I am a Christmas-obsessed-giant-freak-of-nature-who-wants-to-start-decorating-now kind of girl. You think I got into Halloween… You haven’t seen ANYTHING yet. But¬†I will try. try. try. to refrain. For Brian’s sake. For your sake. For at least a week or two. As soon as Thanksgiving week gets close…I make no promises. Christmas music is coming…

(But not that horrible song: Do they know it’s Christmas? Of course they don’t know it’s Christmas. And they don’t care. They do not celebrate Christmas because it is a Christian holiday and non-Christians in Africa who are starving and sick do not care that they won’t have snow in Africa, you ignorant prats./rant)

When I told Brian (long before I was officially living with him in Aurora) that we were one day going to have a Christmas¬†tree in every room, he may or may have believed me…Much like when I told him that the Olympics was going to be 24/7 Sports TV for 2 and a half weeks…And when I told him that I had a cheese obsession…And when I told him that I had a lot of stuff…Come to think of it…maybe HE does believe me.

Regardless…when he realized that half of the boxes that were carted up the stairs to our new apartment were Christmas boxes…he may have gotten a little scared. It’s a fact: I love Christmas. I love everything about Christmas. It’s joyful. It’s bright. It’s cheery. It’s wonderful. Our little apartment is going to look amazing. and Christmas-y. As soon as the rest of the boxes are unpacked…Christmas boxes are next.¬† and the trees go up.

Yes. I said trees. Since I was a young child, I have always made the Christmas tree my responsibility. And no one was allowed to help…Because they didn’t know how to do it right. Really…it’s because I’m slightly OCD and have a need to see every ornament as it goes on the tree. You’ll note that the baby picture of Chrissy goes front and center every year.

Confession Friday Christmas Music is Coming

We made her pose like that.

In closing, fair readers…I have¬†borrowed a¬†brilliant idea from Lauren of Filing Jointly.¬†I would love to send you a Christmas card this year! As a thank you¬†for being awesome and reading my blog and all of that good stuff. Just send an e-mail to quirkychrissy @ gmail with your name and address, and you will receive a fantastic Christmas card. I haven’t quite decided what it will be yet…but you can bet it will be hilarious. Last year, a girlfriend of mine convinced me to send out this beauty:

Christmas Cards

I know, perfect right?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!