If I Had a Million Dollars

All this talk about winning a million dollars from McDonald’s Monopoly has got me thinking… What would I do with a million dollars?

Well, the smart thing would be to put it into some type of trust in which I live off the interest…But let’s be honest… this post wouldn’t be any fun that way.

If I had a million dollars–I’d be responsible and pay off my car/super minimal credit debit (which mostly revolves around an obsession with Victoria’s Secret sweat pants and free gifts).

I’d sell the car I just paid off…because it’s bad luck as evident… oh wait I haven’t posted any of the Jelliebean Car stories yet…

I’d buy a new car to replace the one I just sold.

My Future Pink Car

To be specific, I’d buy this car.

I’d buy a cute little house with cash…and save some money for my first few years of taxes…

I’d give my parents and brother money (he doesn’t have babies–so he gets $$ outright). I’d set up some type of CD or trust for my sister’s children and my cousin’s children for college.

I’d donate chunks of money to the following organizations: The American Cancer Society, The Make-A-Wish Foundation, The National MS Society, and Autism Speaks.

I’d donate money to my Alma Mater, Bradley University, on the condition that they use it to start a football team. I’d pay off my student loans.

I’d go on the following vacations with my man: Wine Country, European Tour, Relaxing Irish Vacation, Australia, & Rio 2016 Olympics.

I’d buy the following small, but pricey items: a fancy TV, a fancy phone, a fancy Keurig, a fancy laptop, and a really amazing squishy couch to put in my new house.

I’d let Brian quit his job and live off my resources for a little while (it’s only fair right?) but then he’d have to go get a new job eventually…one that he loves a whole lot.

Or he could work at the Cheese Shop I’m going to buy. and open. and run. Mmmm cheese…. and the Cheesy restaurant that goes with it. “Cheese with Whine” I’m thinking sassy servers in an elegant dining atmosphere. Top notch service with an extra side of sass. And lots of cheese. Fucking everything will have cheese in or on it.

OOh! Speaking of restaurants, I’d spend like a thousand dollars on one ridiculously fancy dinner.

What? You think I spent more than a million dollars? *sigh* Winning is tough work.

I guess I’d have to keep my job.

 

 

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

It’s Not Easy Being a Flake

Sorry about last week kids, our internet was down (so basically it felt like losing an arm or something) so I couldn’t get online to ensure that my blog post went up. I know; I know it’s an excuse, but whatever–I got a job on Friday! So I’ll be joining the world of the truly employed with a full-time salaried gig. Go me!

Anyways, getting a job got me thinking about my first job…

Of course, I was 16 and had no idea what I was doing, yet on Sunday afternoons I would drive an hour up to Long Grove, IL. I would open a cute little boutique clothing shop (all by myself). I would sit there for 8 hours, while visited by maybe 1 or 2 customers all day, have a sack lunch, sit on the phone, and read a book. I don’t even remember the name of the store, but I remember working for several weeks during my junior year of high school.

One particularly rainy Sunday, I turned off all of the lights in the store, set the alarm, and locked the door. I was ready to get home and have some dinner. I ran quickly out to my car and unlocked the doors before jumping into Melba Toast, the Explorer. I put the key into the ignition and…nothing. My battery had died. Oh. Crap.

I think that I had my Nokia brick with a hot pink sparkly faceplate, which I used to call my mom. After she flipped out on me for my not-so-brilliance (assuming that I had left a light on or something–which I still claim to this day that I hadn’t), she made me call her pal Kay, who owned the shop.

Kay told me that she would send a Long Grove shop owner friend of hers to help me out. A half hour later, a strange man (strange is relative in this scenario, as he was merely a man I didn’t know) pulled up into the parking lot with connector cables. He jumped my battery and followed me half way home to make sure my car was running alright. I finally made it home, and got a decent amount of slack from my family.

For Christmas that year, I got a nice shiny new set of jumper cables for Melba Toast. I only wished they were pink.

Wants

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Car Trouble

Car Trouble

My Pontiac Sunfire

My first car was a 1994 Ford Explorer called Melba Toast.  My second car was a 1998 Pontiac Sunfire.

Sometimes, I would forget that I drove a tiny two door Pontiac that was closer to the ground than my ankle. Sometimes I still thought that I drove a beast like Melba Toast, the explorer, or Lurch, the affectionately named GM catering van, that I frequently carted food around while on the clock during my stint as a catering manager… But then I would remember I drove Dawn, the incredible lean mean teal driving machine.

One Thirsty Thursday night in February of 2008, I forgot that my tiny little car probably couldn’t just plow through a little bitty pile of snow in the middle of Main Street. I barely took the time to think about what I was doing. I automatically assumed that I could handle the mini mountain of soft white puff. A minute after my decision was made, I had to call Jeff. Here’s how that went:

Ring Ring. Answer:

“Yes, we’re here! Get here already!”

“Oh I know…I’m almost there. You should come outside.”

“Just come in.”

“No really…Come outside and laugh at me.”

**Jeff walked outside**

Still on the phone with me, he asks incredulously, “Are you serious? I guess you need help.”

I confirm with a pleading, “Help!”

“Be right back, I’m going to need backup.”

I sat waiting patiently…It’s not like I could have gone anywhere. Jeff returned momentarily with my best pal Mark, and one of the bar’s regulars, Mikey. Who knew that I really could stop traffic? The passing cars all stopped and stared as Jeff, Mark, and Mikey tried pushing my car out of the snow. When this still did not work, a very nice plow guy came and helped until I was safely in the bar parking lot.

Of course, that was just one of many Winter: 1; Chrissy: 0 scenarios.

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!