Never have I ever

When I was younger, I hated playing the game, Never Have I Ever. For those of you who don’t know how the game is played, this covers a brief rundown (before people start adding house rules):

  • One person says, “Never have I ever ___________ (insert something they’ve never done)”
  • Everyone in the group who has done that thing does something to indicate that they have (typically taking a drink from an alcoholic beverage).
  • Those who haven’t done the thing sit quietly while the others in the group explain or don’t (it really depends on the group), but there’s often a lot of oohing and OMGing.
  • The game continues until everyone is wasted or someone gets bored enough to start dancing on tables or running around the block naked. (This may indicate that the game has moved onto Truth or Dare).

I hated playing the game in my early years of college because I NEVER GOT TO DRINK ANYTHING. Because everyone liked to throw down the dirtiest things people did, and I was a shy prude. Here are a few nuggets that would have given me ample drinking opportunity prior to attending Bradley University:

Never have I ever…

And until my junior year of college, the only thing that really changed was my alcohol consumption. So I hated playing the game. Because I wanted to do more things, and the few things that I had done felt embarrassing to me.

But now, as an adult, I’m proud as fuck of the things that I’ve done. I love playing never have I ever because almost everything I’ve done has been an adventure, even if it was stupid/crazy/insane/ridiculous/horrifying.

Just for reference, a few of my favorites that would cause me to drink:

Never have I ever…

  • Seen Stephen King speak (20 feet away from me)
  • Gone on vacation by myself
  • Gotten married
  • Been fired from a job (one I hated)
  • Ordered a pizza for delivery while finishing a plate of nachos in a taco joint
  • Seen Hamilton performed live in Chicago
  • Made out with the same guy as three of my girlfriends
  • Gone home with someone on the first date
  • Punched a hole in my apartment window because I was mad at my boyfriend
  • Smoked my first cigarette after smoking was banned in bars
  • Stayed up partying for an entire weekend without sleeping more than 2 hours ( with no drugs involved)
  • Gotten lost in France
  • Dated a drug addict (or two)
  • Threatened to punch a bouncer at my bachelorette party
  • Gotten lucky on a golf course

My bucket(list) hath runneth over. And I can’t wait for the next notch on my wall.

we took wedding photos at a playground, and had so much fun on the purple dinosaur.

What’s on your completed bucket list?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Eat Your Heart Out, Bill Murray

If Groundhog Day were a never-ending loop, I’d make damn sure I learned a few things before I tried to drive Punxatawny Phil and myself off a cliff or stepped in front of a truck. In fact, it’s kind of fun to imagine it all. Not the cliff driving or truck stepping…the learning, people. Like when Billy Boy (well, Phil in the movie) learned how to sculpt ice. So, I thought I’d make a fun little list of the top seven silly little things I’d learn to do on my endless Groundhog Day.

French-braid my own hair
I have yet to master this ridiculously “easy” task. I know there are probably dozens of you who can just do this. Me? I braid pigtails and tie them together in the back to make it look like I know what I’m doing.

Bake cupcakes
Remind me to tell you about fuck-up dip, sometime…fuck-up dip is what I make when I inevitably burn the bottoms of the cupcakes.

Make a turducken
Fine, Brian. I’ll make a fuckin’ turkducken. He’s only been begging for one for the last 4 years, 10 months and 20 days…ish. I figure with a few years of trying, I can make this sucker happen.

Play the saxophone

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When I was a kid, I wanted to play the sax like Lisa Simpson SO BAD, but my mom wouldn’t let me join the school band. She claims it’s because she thought I would quit after trying it and buying a saxophone,  but after her recent admittance that I loved everything I tried when I was a kid  (ballet, tap, gymnastics, cheerleading, choir), and that shit was expensive,  I realize she was just afraid I’d become a band nerd. (Side note: I hated boys’ baseball. I used to lie to my friends and say I had a different cheer team practice when I went to baseball.) To be fair, I ended up being a band groupie,  hanging out with the drumline and dating a tuba player, so there was that.

Code websites
This has long been on my bucket list, but I just keep pushing it off. I would love to just spend dozens of my repeating days learning how to speak code. At least enough to let me fuck around with my own website, and preferably enough to allow me to make money fucking around with other people’s websites.

Yoga arm balances
I am dying to figure out this one little yoga trick that everyone claims is so so easy, but I’m terrified of even trying. This shit looks scary and hard. But with endless timeon my hand, I could totally handle it.

Sew clothes

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I love making my own Halloween costumes, but I’m pretty much stuck with anything I can hot glue or staple. This still bodes pretty well for me, but it would be fucking awesome if I could sew my own dresses and shit. I mean with a sewing machine and everything. How awesome would that be?

It’s been said that Bill Murray spent 33 years and 350 days looping Groundhog Day.

What would you do with all that time?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

30 Things Before Thirty: Looking Back

I’m. Going. To. Be. 30.

Soon.

I never created a 30 before 30 list. But you know what? I’ve done a lot of cool shit in my almost 30 years.

I was planning on posting this 30 days before my GOLDEN 30th birthday on May 30th, but things don’t always work out the way they are planned and that’s okay.

I’ve decided to write a list of 30 things that would have been on my 30 before 30 list, if I had made one…Of course these are the things that I have obviously already  completed (or will complete) before the big day.

(Side note: I am well aware that somewhere halfway through the list, I switch tenses. Just go with it, because I’m too tired to fix it.)

The Bucket List I Never Knew I Already Mastered

1. Get credit debt free. (OK, this one will be officially completed contingent upon my next paycheck, but still. CREDIT. DEBT. FREE. Like a motherfucking boss.)

2. Fire drill in a skyscraper. Hell yes, bitches. (Okay, it’s a shortie but still anything more than 10 floors is still super tall!) Did you know that when they have a fire drill in a big fancy tall building, they don’t make you practice going ALL THE WAY down the stairs? Me neither. But I do now.

3. Experience the glory of New Orleans. Twice. I’ve been there pre and post Katrina…and it’s still my second favorite city of all the cities I’ve been to. (Chicago is obvi #1.) (And Disney doesn’t count as a city, PEOPLE. It’s a magical land of joy.)

Speaking of Disney…

4. Visit Disney FIVE times. If I had my way, this would double (at least) before I’m 40, but let’s not push our luck.

5. Find a sand dollar on the beach. Or fifty?

Find a Sand Dollar Find a Sand Dollar

6. Travel out of the country. Yep. Katie and I went to London in 2004 (And yes, my passport is about to expire). And it was amazing.

Tower of London

At the Tower of London

7. Get bullied into snuggling a giant albino snake. 

Cuddle a giant albino snake

7. Become a professional writer. Mama always told me that I should write, because that is where my true talent lies. I’ll never look back. (Well you know what I mean.)

8. Graduate from college. You guys, I was the first person in my familial line to go to college and graduate from a 4 year university. A first generation college graduate. How cool is that?

9. Meet Jenny Lawson. It was totally awesome to meet an author that I admire…even if I did make an ass of myself.

10. See Stonehenge. I’m not going to lie, guys…It was just a pile of rocks. I was hung over and it was just. a pile. of rocks.

Stonehenge is just a pile of rocks.11. Eat the most ridiculous animal meat that you can. A shortened list of the exotic and strange animals that I’ve eaten include: Kangaroo (yum!), Rattlesnake (meh), Raccoon (tastes like it eats my garbage), Antelope (delicious!), and possibly lion (I prefer vegetarian animals, I think.)

12. Take a train across the country. Sort of. We traveled from Chicago to Denver and it was not as awesome as one would think. Of course, we weren’t in a sleeper car either, so that may have made it less awesome.

13. Make a cameo on national television. Twice. In 2008, I went to a Sox game in scout seating, thanks to one of my dear friends. I was wasted and prancing around behind home plate like an asshole. I even made a point to yell over to Ozzie just to say hi. He waved back, but didn’t look happy. He probably didn’t remember meeting me when I was 8.

14. Hold the position of president in an organization. Guys, this is hard work. They told me it would be the best year of my life and the worst…Add in student teaching and that was the hardest year of my life.

15. Be recognized and awarded on a national level. The same organization that I was president of was also the organization that I was named a National Outstanding Vice President for the prior year. It was kind of amazing.

16. Change careers. As tough as this may be, the experience alone is worth it. I never thought that I could be where I am right now, and I wouldn’t change any of it for the world.

17.Become a godmother. The day my godson was born, was one of the happiest days ever. Having the honor of being his godmother, though? Joy forever. I truly have the best godson in the world.

18. Fall in love.

19. Have my heart broken.

20. Found Brian.

21. Get a tattoo.

Irish Twin Tattoos

The Irish Claddagh symbolizes friendship, loyalty, and love. Cupla is Gaelic for twins.

22. Received a Christmas card from out of the country! Thanks to my Canadian pal, Ash!

23. Hit over 1,000 Facebook Likes on my page!

24. I got to see wild dolphins.

25. Went to Westminster Abbey. Drunk.

26. Met a blogger in real life. (Lauren Filing Jointly is AMAZING.)

27. Took a grown up trip to Disney World. I can put Disney on my completed bucket list twice. Hell I could do it three times if I wanted to.

28. Went dancing at Disney World with the best boyfriend in the whole world after the most amazing meal of my life. See. I told you I could do it.

29. Went to the midnight showings and book releases of the last two Harry Potter books/three movies I didn’t really get crazy into them until those last few were coming out. Then I was obsessed.

30. Write a consistent blog for a year. As of May 30, friends…this one is done too! I never could have imagined then where this blog would be now. It’s because of you that I am still here. Thank you.

What’s on your I-already-did-that Bucket List, Blog Friends? What’s on your To-do Bucket List?

 

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!