I’m Not Normal

“You’re not normal.”

“I know.”

“That’s why you love me.”

“It really is.”

I’m so lucky, you guys, to have someone like Brian who not only loves how weird and me I am, but encourages me to let my freak flag fly.

adorable engagement photo with board games and a picnic

Photo credit: Being Joy Photography

I wasn’t always this sparkly, shiny ray of positivity that make my coworkers think I’m in my early to mid twenties (bless their wonderful hearts-and not in a sarcastic way). But something about Brian (who is not sparkly or shiny, by the way) makes me want to be better. Makes me see the world from another angle. It gives me hope. It puts my faith in humans. It helps me believe in magic when most would say that magic isn’t possible.

My dad used to say to me, “Christine, you’re really book smart, but sometimes your common sense could use a little help from your brain.” I never took offense at this, because, let’s be honest, I’m a little bit flighty. I walk into no parking signs when I’m too busy looking at my phone. I drive my car into the middle of a snow bank. It took me three months to realize I had gotten my period. But you have to be flighty if you’re ever going to fly. Too much logic can kill imagination. And I happen to love my imagination. My little world, where skies are pink and I’m a cool girl. Where I create a snow beach in my parents’ front yard. Or where I cry at Disney World because I’m so happy and overwhelmed with memories that I can’t think straight.

Brian was baffled when I told him he was partially to blame for my rose colored glasses. “But I’m not that happy or positive.”

He doesn’t realize it’s not his demeanor that emboldens me to dream big and picture all the wonderful magical things I can do. It’s how he sees me. It’s how he tells me that I can do all these amazing things. He believes in me. He thinks I’m adorable. He encourages me, and he inspires me. And he’s everything I ever wanted or needed in a partner.

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Worth the Wait: The End of an Era

It’s been five months since I last wrote about The Handsome Grown Up that you came to know and love this spring. If you don’t feel like reading through the whole story just yet (you will soon, if you haven’t already), we met on this very day many years ago. We flirted, we dated, I worked like hell to fuck it all up, and yet he still stuck around. When last I spoke of The Grown Up, he was driving away from my house as I drunk cried myself to sleep. Make no mistake – I was the one being an idiot. It was the drunkest I ever got in the presence of The Grown Up…and we dated for a long-ass time. He called the next night, after I panicked like a teenage girl for about 12 hours, and all was fine (except for the lost wallet from my fall at the bar).

I’m going to fast-forward a little bit though because dating life is pretty much, you know, normalcy, and I can’t imagine you wanting to sit through all the ins and outs of a relationship from yesteryear…and quite frankly, it’s time we brought this story to an end.

The Grown Up and I dated solidly for many years. We met each other’s families. We traveled a bit. We fell madly in love. He made me laugh more than anyone on the planet, and I was surprised how much time I could spend with him and not want to kill him. After that first date, I never went home, much to the chagrin of his incredibly understanding roommate. He always told me, “Home is where your cheese is” because after our first weekend together, he bought me a bag full of fancy cheese. But he was wrong. Home was where he was. He was everything.

I waited a long time for this. And now it's the End of an era

He is everything.

He is the first page of my book and the last. He captured my heart and never once dropped it. He encourages me to follow every last one of my dreams, no matter how ridiculous. He pushes me to be my better self. He IS my better half, and without him, I wouldn’t be where I am.

So when he asked me to be his bride, the only answer I had for him was, “Yes!”

When he asked me to be his bride...I said yes.

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Ow!

It’s really no big secret that I injure myself…A lot. Like that time I walked head first into a pole…or tripped over an invisible wire…or sprained my knee while skiing, walking, getting ice…And many other heartwarming tales of pain and unintentional self-abuse.

Accident prone and injuries - yelling ow!

What “Ow!” sounds like to Brian, according to me:

Mostly, “Ow!” sounds a lot like a trivia game, with a series of questions and multiple choice answers and really, none of them are probably correct, because all of them are correct in a sort of, but not really way…and regardless, the “ow!” ends in pain for someone (usually me) which doesn’t really make anyone feel good about life…or the clumsy existence that belongs solely to me.

OW!

We now interrupt your regularly scheduled life programming because your girlfriend has injured herself again. Do you

  1. Ignore it?
  2. Wait for uncontrollable sobbing?
  3. Pause, and wait for a slew of “Shit, damn motherfucking, hate whatever just injured me this time” cursing
  4. Race immediately to the aid of your damsel in distress for the umpteenth time because she did one or all of the following in a matter of 12 hours?
    1. Burned her hand because she touched the hot crock pot
    2. Knocked her head while trying to store stuff under the stairs in the basement
    3. Dropped a santoku knife on her toe while cutting cheese
    4. Discovers yet another mystery bruise or cut or both

You may now return to your regularly scheduled programming. Though someone may have lost a little blood. I recommend chocolate.

Obviously, Brian is a gentleman. And just like a parent can tell the difference between a baby’s cries, Brian can tell the difference between most of my shouts of terror and/or pain. Usually.

And yes, all of those little…accidents…happened between Friday night and Saturday afternoon. And yes, I did slice the ever living baby cheeses out of my toe with the brand new fancy pants Pampered Chef santoku knife. And yes, Brian did come bandage me up.

He also came running when I was trying to hide the 4 laundry baskets full of dirty laundry (we FINALLY have a washer and dryer, so laundry is now done) under the stairs so people couldn’t see them.

I’m not sure he knew I burned my hand on the crock pot, and quite frankly, that’s okay in my book. He already thinks I hurt myself too much and too often…

I also found a mystery bruise on my inner forearm – no IDEA how THAT happened. It was like a few weeks ago when I found a foot-long cut on my leg and couldn’t figure out for the life of me where it came from. And seriously. Who has a FOOT-LONG cut that they don’t remember getting? Me. That’s who. And actually, on Sunday, I also discovered a mystery slice on my thumb that may have also come from that very dangerous santoku knife.

Blog Friends, do you have a tendency to injure yourself on the regular? What’s the most recent random injury that you’ve encountered? Do you ever get mystery scars or bruises?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Brian Shares Saturday: February Quickie

Hey kids! My little sister is getting married today, so I don’t have much time…but I know you look forward to the sweet shit my boyfriend finds on the internet…

Surprise Vacation?

That was my response when Brian directed me to this Reddit discussion. He said no.

A Balinese Swim Resort

A Balinese Swim Resort

For Katie at Words for Worms

And everyone else…Brian said I should send this to Katie, but I figured that it would be much more appreciated by EVERYONE. Because it’s fucking adorable.

Baby Penguin

Free Books from Dolly Parton

COOL! Your kiddo can receive a free book every year from Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library until they are 5 years old. I think this is awesome, as I tend to buy kids books instead of cool toys… Or sometimes in addition to cool toys. 🙂

Cheshire Cat

Knowing my adoration for Chesh, Brian sent me this sweet little Cheshire Cat Image…

Cheshire Cat

Sweet Sweet Love Note

Sassy Love Note

Brian sent this, because 1. It is hilarious and 2. I would write that to him except replace Sprite with Ginger Ale. He is always drinking my Ginger Ale! And then it’s gone when I want it!

My Valentine

For those of you who don’t follow me on Facebook or Twitter, I added the fancy valentine that I made for Brian. And the one I made for my lady friends. And the awesome Brian picture of awesomeness that was revealed at our dinner date…

My Valentine to Brian

My Valentine to Brian

The Valentine for all of my lady friends

The Valentine for all of my lady friends

Brian snuck the tuxedo tee-shirt to dinner and revealed it when I least expected it. As if you didn't already love him!

Brian snuck the tuxedo tee-shirt to our “romantic” dinner and revealed it when I least expected it. As if you didn’t already love him!

That’s all kids! You should wish my sister happy congratulations today!

 

 

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Brian Shares Saturday: Puns, Tweets, and Vacation Homes

Because it’s been one hell of a couple of weeks, Brian hasn’t had a whole lot of time to send me awesome things that he found on the internet…And I’m off to go do important things this afternoon, so today’s shares will be short and sweet. And if you’re looking for an overabundance of cute (in the words of Brian), head over to That Ash Girl for some FUCKING AWESOME sloth pictures and videos.

Hilarious Puns

I love a good pun, don’t you? I worked at a little breakfast nook called Eggstasy, just because of the name. Seriously.

Tearable Puns

Tweets Around the World

This is just fucking crazy. Take a minute and check it out. I promise you won’t be disappointed. Tweetping shows you how fast people tweet. It’s insane. Oh hey…and go ahead and add me to your Twitter feed. Sometimes, I’m funny.

Dream Vacation Home…Almost

Ski Dream House Ski Dream House2

Brian sent me this ski dream house (more pictures in the link) and I was all, “OMG Can we go there? And NOT ski(you can see why I don’t ski…)”

His response? “You should buy this as our winter lodge when you’re rich and famous.”

“Um…BEACH HOUSE.”

“Can’t we have more than one?”

Apparently, he’s really banking on me getting famous now…

Almost famous

 If you like me, you should click here to vote for me!

What about you, Blog Friends? Seen anything cool on the web that I should know about?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Brian Shares Saturday: More of Ebeneezer the Sloth, Dolphin Preachers, & Bunnicula (Oh and by the Way, it’s Cold as Fuck)

I’ve spent a lot of time writing posts to ensure that next week is covered, but I forgot to prepare for today!

Luckily, Brian has been extra awesome thanks to the wonderful compliments that he’s been receiving for his part in the Brian Shares Segment of my little blog.

Here are just a few of the things that he has sent me this week…

Ebeneezer, Our Future Sloth

For those of you who are new here, Brian and I had been discussing the possibility of a pet, when we realized that what we really wanted was a baby sloth. So from time to time, he sends me videos, pictures, and gifs of sloths to share with you. which is probably why sloth searches are the number 1 Google search that leads people here. Crazy sloth lovers.

Sloth in a hammock gif

 

What’s really funny about this, though, is that in order to ensure that I receive said pictures and videos, Brian often will send them to me via text, e-mail, and G-chat.

Dolphin Preachers

I realize that the term “Dolphin preacher” is ridiculous in its own right. But shit. Once you see this picture, I hope you laugh your ass off as much as I did. I was at Mom’s when I read it, and she told me I was going to hell. C’est la vie?

Dolphins Neptune God of the Sea Preachers

I think that I was a dolphin in another life, so I feel like I have a special bond with the sea faring mammals. In fact, I’ll be seeing my best friends soon enough (Read: THIS WEEK).

Bubble Sports

Brian sent this gif to me with the title: THIS LOOKS LIKE FUN! To me I thought: This looks like life! I NEED one of these. Desperately. Then I can happily make it through life without, you know, falling down.

Bubble Ball Sports

Cool right?

Bunnicula

Please. Please PLEASE tell me you know what I’m talking about. Because Brian didn’t. First, he sent me this adorable gif of bunnies.

Bunnicula

And I responded with OMG yes! We need one! Please?!?! We could name him Bunnicula. And love him. And squeeze him. And feed him tomatoes!

And Brian responded… “Why Bunnicula?”

UGH! Only the greatest Bunny on the planet! Bunnicula, resident rabbit of the Howliday Inn. Obviously.

Cold as Fuck

It’s about to get cold here in the Chicagoland area… and just in case you are not as lucky as me to be escaping the brief cold weather of your home city, you should go pick up a pair of these sweet ass gloves. In fact, pick me up a pair while you’re at it. I’m going to be back in the Chi soon enough.

Cold as Fuck Gloves

Scrabble Genius Bonus

Brian found this quick blurb about Scrabble and I figured that it was important to share it with you. Should the letter values in Scrabble change? I think not. But that is because I am an evil Scrabble genius, according to Katie.

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!