Do You Want to be a Polyester Bride?

I’m only kind of bad at this 25 songs in 25 days. But I couldn’t miss out on a song that reminds you of a best friend. Sure, I just talked about her on Sunday…but she’s just that awesome.

Because I finally have my computer back, this is way easier to copy from Twindaddy’s Blog (Go read about him, and check out other participants in the 25/25 music challenge.)

I don’t know if you remember, but I’m a wretched bouquet toss vixen. I catch a bouquet like nobody’s business. Katie and I fought for bouquets for years (and I pretty much always won. Because I’m vicious.)

Brooke bouquet Toss

So when Katie’s wedding came (it really only took FOREVER for her hubs to do the proposal thing…I mean… I heart you Katie’s husband!) and I was preparing to catch her bouquet (vying for it right next to my ex-boyfriend’s girlfriend), I was excited that her bouquet song was Polyester Bride by Liz Phair. Because that song is awesome. And it was one of our many hairbrush songs freshman year.

The week of Katie’s wedding, she e-mailed me the following note along with the passage that I would be reading at her wedding:

“I heart you so much. And that bouquet is yours, BTW. I haven’t decided yet whether I’m actually going to toss it, or just turn around and hand it to you.”

Of course, Katie wisely opted to throw the bouquet in my direction, so as not to cause bodily injury to her other wedding guests. Because…

It’s not what catching the bouquet means…it’s about taking out the competition.

catching the bouquet

On another positive note, I received permission to write about my Breaking Bad experience a few weeks ago. You’re welcome in advance.

What songs remind you of your bestie? Are you a bouquet (or garter) fiend?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Me, Myself, and the Bouquet

Dear Lyssa of Psychobabble,

Recently, you announced your online wedding to Shirtless Ryan Gosling (henceforth in this post and future posts as SRG). I am so utterly happy for you that I can’t begin to find the right words.

Of course, I was also incredibly disappointed that as your future sister-in-law in the Shirtless family, I wasn’t automatically invited to be a bridesmaid. Even moreso, I was very sad to discover that I was going to have to DUKE IT OUT to catch the bouquet. This is emotionally difficult for me, since…well…you know how I feel about my imaginary  internet boyfriend Shirtless Jesse Metcalfe and what catching the bouquet would mean to me us.

Shirtless Jesse Metcalfe Photoshopped

Aren’t we a cute couple?

And so, I’ve compiled this photo blog post for you, Lyssa…to make the right decision.

Because I have bouquet toss HISTORY. I mean…the first time I caught the bouquet, the bride’s sister was all whine whine whine “IIIIII wanted to catch my sister’s bouquet” so I was all wine wine wine, “FINE.”

After that, catching the bouquet was a competition. One I was determined to win. At least, in the weddings I stood up in. And one or two others…

The first two weddings were competitions with Katie (who I beat out both times and she STILL got married before me…)

Bouquet Toss Wedding

Katie and I were both vying for this bouquet, since we both gave the MOH speech.

Bouquet toss drama

I wish I had the awesome picture, BROOKE, that really went with this wedding. I was airborn and vicious and victorious all at the same time…Again, Katie and I were both hoping for a piece of the action. I think it’s because I’m bigger than her that I always win…

funny bridesmaid photos

I make an excellent and FUN bridesmaid…I’ll get you liquored up and make you take funny photos…BEFORE the reception. This bride had a married bridesmaid directing her where to throw the bouquet (where I was standing) because I may or may not have threatened physical harm…

bouquet drama

This was when Katie got married. She practically handed me the bouquet. It probably didn’t help that my ex-boyfriend’s fiance was standing right next to me…

Bouquet Toss Drama

Her bouquet broke into 3 pieces when it flew…She didn’t want me hurting her niece who got to be the flower girl, even though Katie wanted that job since before flower girl was BORN…

Bouquet toss

At her bachelorette party, I told her I was vicious and should probably catch her bouquet…I’m sure it helped that I was one of 2 of our friends still unmarried…hopefully Shirtless Jesse Metcalfe will fix that after YOUR wedding, Lyssa…

Bouquet Toss Winner Halloween Costume

A few years ago, I went as the bouquet toss winner for Halloween. You’ll note the crutches (Yes, crutches AND high heels, all for the sake of Halloween, LYSSA), the bruising, the scratches on my arms…the fake nails glued into the dress…the bloody nose…you can’t see the ripped out earring with blood on the other ear…the ripped to shreds bridesmaid dress. Yep. All me. All true. Make it happen again.

Dear Blog Friends,

Please tell Lyssa that you think I should be her bouquet toss winner. Because it’s not about what winning the bouquet MEANS. It’s about taking out the competition.

Thank you for your time. I know that SRG and you will be very happy together. But happier still if I’m there. Shirtless Jesse Metcalfe and I hope you make the right decision.

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!