Things I did when I was seventeen

Show of hands: Who drank beer in high school? Anyone do it so much that they needed to mention it 30 times in a job interview?

I did a lot of things at the young, innocent age of seventeen. But none of them were illegal. And none of them caused me to blackout. And I’m not even trying to get appointed to the Supreme Court.

A non-exhaustive list of things I did my senior year of high school

I went to school dances

I attended parties that DIDN’T involve alcohol

group of high school friends

Nearly twenty years later, I still see some of these girls on the regular.

I didn’t drink beer

I worked my tail off at school

I got into a good college

I didn’t drink beer

I was an athlete

Three girls blowing kisses in 90s high school cheerleading uniforms

If you tell me cheerleading isn’t a sport, I will fight you.

I had inside jokes with my friends

I didn’t drink beer

I went on dates with boys

I filled travel mugs with hot chocolate and hands with fresh baked cookies and, together, my best friend and I drove past our ex boyfriends’ houses

I didn’t like beer

I dressed in a way that made me feel pretty, which was sometimes too provocative for the school administrators

I went to the under-21 club without my parents’ knowledge

I still didn’t drink beer

I kissed my boyfriend. A lot.

I joked with my friends using sexual innuendo

I didn’t like beer

I dominated week-long games of Monopoly (and maybe I cheated)

I played Truth or Dare and Never Have I Ever

I didn’t want beer

I went ghost hunting at all the most-haunted spots in Chicago

I skipped senior prom because junior prom was just okay

I still didn’t like beer

I attended football and basketball games and went to TGIFridays afterward for chicken fingers and honey mustard

I went to theater parties and hung out with band kids

I didn’t want beer

I went on a Christian youth group trip to Florida 

I went to Las Vegas

Chrissy and friend with gondolier in Las Vegas Bellagio

At seventeen and sixteen, there was still a lot of fun things for my pal and me to see and do in Las Vegas without drinking beer or having sex.

I still didn’t want beer

I had co-ed sleepovers at my house

I hosted an unsupervised New Year’s Eve party with sparkling grape juice

I didn’t need beer

I can’t imagine a world where everyone in high school drinks. I suppose I should be thankful for my very rare high school experience in which I retained my innocence for a few years longer than everyone else. What did you do in high school?

Disclaimer: I was a super good kid in high school, but once I hit college, I discovered that I would, in fact, drink beer. This post is not designed to showcase me as holier than thou. Humor is a cornerstone of my life, and my intent is solely to amuse. And also to see how many times I can mention beer in a blog post*.

*18

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

How to Drunk Yoga in 12 Easy Steps

So you know how sometimes I do things so you don’t have to? This is one of those times. So please. Kids. Don’t try this at home.

Yoga is fun. Yoga is fucking awesome. Yoga is one of my new favorite things to do. Sometimes, I think in my head at night well, I can yoga or I can write, but I can’t do both.

As evident by my recent posting schedule, you can see where my head has been. And last night after happy hour (that ran well over an hour) was no exception. The thing is…Drunk Chrissy wanted to yoga AND write. And she had a brilliant fucking plan. That went something like this.

How to drunk yogaHow to drunk yoga

Step 1: Drink expensive beer and eat $2 tacos. The beer/beverage choice is up for discussion, so really, pick your preferred poison.

Step 2: (which is really like 10 steps in one, but it doesn’t really matter how you get home, as long as you’re not driving) Go home.

Step 3: Make a snack. You can’t be expected to be brilliant without your hungry drunk brain cleared.

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Step 4: Decide that you’re going to try amazing feats of yoga. You have no fear. (No, really. DON’T. TRY. THIS. AT HOME).

Step 5: Find your unsuspecting victim. I mean photographer. I mean boyfriend. Tell him you have a genius plan and you require his services. When he tells you that shoveling your massive driveway is more important than yoga pictures, pout just a little.

Step 6: Have another snack. If your first snack was salty, opt for something sweet, now. If you like.

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Step 7: Lay down on your mat and flop into a position that takes way more work when you’re sober. Twice.

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This is a position called plow pose. It’s a real pose. And it’s usually a lot harder for me.

 

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This is my attempt at shoulder stand. Apparently you’re supposed to do this before plow…I did it after.

 

Step 8: Lay back down and watch the room spin just a little.

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Step 9: Decide it’s time for headstand and race to the hallway that allows you to do it.

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Step 10: Get your inversion on. I prefer headstand…one, because I discovered this week that I can do it and two because it doesn’t wreak havoc on my wrists.

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I walked up the wall. It was fun.

I walked up the wall. It was fun.

Step 11: Collapse into the room spins.

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Step 12: Go to bed, drunky.

See, that wasn’t so hard? Still best not to do this. I probably could have hurt myself.

What stupid shenanigans do you get into after a few beers? What yoga poses are you proud of or excited to try?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Things I’ve Learned on Vacation…Mid-Vacay Edition

Hey Bloggy Friends! I’m still in sunny Florida. Don’t miss me too much. I wanted to pop in really quick to give a sneak peek into our trip. Here are just a few things I’ve learned this week.

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1. It’s much better to appreciate and enjoy your vacation than document every second of it. So when I’m short several hundred photos, please don’t be sad.

2. There will ALWAYS be something you forget at home which results in a $75 trip to Walgreens, but thank God for Walgreens, right?

3. I should never eat pizza outside of Chicago, because no matter how ok it is, it’s not Chicago pizza.

4. When sunscreen says 80 minutes, they sort of mean business…when you spend 3 hours walking away from the sun you’re going to get your ass (well everything underneath it) burned.

5. Live sand dollars are fucking awesome. They’re purple and furry…except the furry part is all wiggly and awesome.

6. It’s really nice to blow dry my hair without blowing a fuse.

7. Beers to acquire: Big Rod Coconut Ale and Schofferhofer Grapefruit Hefeweizen.

8. Yelp rocks my Yelp Elite socks off. I’m 2 for 2 in restaurant selection. 

9. Eleanor and Park is my new favorite book.

10. I want to live in Florida.

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!