Dear Cary Elwes, I’m REALLY Sorry.

Cary ElwesDear Cary,

Can I call you Cary? I hope so. I’m going to assume that you’ve probably forgotten all about me. And Brian. I’m really hoping you forgot about Brian.

So, I’ll start with this. I’m a big fan. Huge, actually. I remember seeing The Princess Bride when I was a little girl, and it premiered on television for the first time. We recorded it on our VCR. You were the perfect knight in non-shining black non-armor. And then there was Robin Hood: Men in Tights. I can’t even count how many times I watched that one. And Kiss the Girls. Loved it.  And of course, the original Saw. The most terrifying movie I had ever seen to that point…My girlfriend and I opened every door and turned on every light that night when we went home. So you’re pretty awesome in my book. Even if I’m barely a blip in yours…and well…let’s just hope our meeting didn’t put me on your non-blip, non-awesome list.

Let me give you a refresher so you understand where I’m coming from. It’s Valentine’s Day. In Naperville, Illinois. You’ve just finished a beautiful Q & A with someone who appears to be one of your biggest fans. You made us laugh. You told stories. You hugged some ladies, and I knew you were going to be perfectly wonderful when I met you.

Cary Elwes in Naperville

As I stood in line with my book (I was FIFTH in line, my friend. FIFTH), I watched as you helped people move the signing table across the hall so that everyone could get nice pictures instead of being drowned by the sun streaming through the windows in the background. You were so sweet. You shook hands with people. You made light small talk. You looked like the nicest guy ever.

Excited to meet Cary Elwes

See how excited I was?

I couldn’t wait to meet you.

And then it happened.

I had asked Brian (my adorably wonderful boyfriend – he really is. You just got the wrong impression of him. He didn’t mean it. I promise) to take pictures with my camera, and was planning on letting the camera girl from the bookstore use my phone. But Brian REALLY wanted to ask you a question.

I questioned what he wanted to ask, but I’ll be honest with you…it sounded kind of like Charlie Brown’s teacher. He just looked so INTERESTED…and it was Valentine’s Day. And I had dragged him to a book signing…so of course, I said sure.

IMG_1592

You shook my hand, and Brian apparently tried to take pictures…but he really wanted to ask a question…and so he came forward. I introduced you to him, and then he asked you what your thoughts were on the Dread Pirates in the news. I believe his actual question was, “How do you feel about the Dread Pirate Roberts being prosecuted for an online drug ring?”

Cary Elwes

You looked…

Well…

Very confused.

That one time Brian confused Cary Elwes

That one time Brian confused Cary Elwes

I’m SO sorry. It must have been embarrassing for one of the first people in line to catch you off guard like that. You see, there’s this whole Internet drug ring going on…and the guy in charge is calling himself the Dread Pirate Roberts…and the site got shut down. The guy was in court…And another one popped up. A Dread Pirate Wesley so to speak…

Brian thought it would be very interesting to hear your thoughts on the whole situation and your character being used for Internet misbehavin’.

Wow. I guess that sounds really bad.

And of course, the girl who interviewed you looked…SO ANGRY…I think she knew exactly what the Dread Pirate Roberts thing was. If looks could kill, she would have decapitated my boyfriend on Valentine’s Day.

That one time Brian really pissed off some random girl

That one time Brian really pissed off some random girl

Well, Cary…I walked away; it seems we were almost ushered away more quickly than I could even imagine…

The girl with my phone apologized. She tried to take pictures. She just couldn’t seem to get a good shot. She got the ones I showed above.

And I just kept thinking to myself…

What the fuck just happened?

It was awkward. It was weird. And I’m so sorry if it was embarrassing. I’m really good at making an ass of myself in front of famous people. Especially at book signings. Like that one time I met Jenny Lawson.

I walked away and fought back the tears. Everything I had been hoping for was shot down. I was going to try to make some adorably witty banter or ask you a question about your stay in the Chicagoland area. Were you going to see Mandy while you were here? Instead I found myself smiling like an idiot, confused, bewildered and done.

I wanted to go home, but we had planned to stay for the movie. We had dinner plans afterward and it would have been silly to leave.

Watching The Princess Bride made it a little better. It’s hard not to swoon and smile and laugh.

But nearly a month later, I’m still sorry. And I do hope that you’ll forgive us. We’re just a little awkward. We didn’t really mean it.

Sincerely,

Chrissy

PS: You’re still as handsome as ever.

Hey Blog Friends, have you ever embarrassed someone famous completely accidentally? No? Just me? How about something you did that embarrassed someone else or yourself?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

First, Some Housekeeping. Then, a Shameless Plug with Video. And Perhaps Several Winners!

Greetings Blog Friends!

As promised…

Housekeeping

I apologize profusely for the MIA/broken blog. You may have been unable to comment…or you may have noticed a giant mess of code and error messages…

Just blame Brian. (Although, in his defense, he DID help troubleshoot my blog with the WinHost people. So we can’t be too angry at him…)

After a 48 hour blog blackout, we’re BACK IN BUSINESS. With LOTS to say. And a whole new plan for the coming year of bloggy bloggy joy.

Shameless Plug

My blog friend, Heather the B(itch), came out with her second book. When I say shameless, I mean it. This girl brings new meaning to the word, bitch. And I kind of adore her. So when she sent a call out for videos calling HER out as the bitch we all know and love her to be…I was in. The results? An amusing trailer in which I am pretty darn awesome.

In honor of Heather’s book release, I’ve created a Zazzle tee-shirt!

I feel bitchy tee shirt

 

You can order yours today to wear while reading Heather’s sassy pants book. If you’d prefer to order through me (with slightly different lettering), I’m working on another t-shirt option utilizing the bitchy song I came up with at work. (I have the best co-workers ever. Seriously.)

Winners!

What? I mentioned winners? Of course, I did! You think I forgot about my joyous giveaways last week? Nope, not this girl. So I used a completely random number generator to choose the winners (and by random number generator, I mean Brian. He told me a number, and then there was magically a winner. Except that I won like 3 times…so he had to tell me other numbers. And actually the first number he said was pi. And that OBVIOUSLY was wrong.)

Congratulations to the following big winners! I hope you like your prizes (even the random and ridiculous ones):

Monday’s Secret Amazon Winner is Charleen from Cheap Thrills Book Blog.

Congrats to Charleen for being the future owner of the following SWEET ASS Amazon prizes! (GO FORTH AND READ THE REVIEWS!)

Amazon Banana Slicer Amazon Strawberry Slicer

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Our next winner is for a beautiful coffee mug featuring Brian’s art. The piece on the mug is entitled, “Imagination Takes Flight.”Jessica from Red Hot Writing Hood is the winner of this sweet prize! Congrats Jessica!

Imagination Takes FlightOur next winner is for the Unbirthday Think Geek Gift Card! Joules from Pocketful of Joules will get to enjoy all of the geeky stuff she wants (that is available for $25 or less). Well played Joules!

And the last winner of the birthday/bloggiversary week giveaways is April from First Time Mom and Dad! Congrats to April who will be receiving a sweet ass surprise (that’s just too good to giveaway the details before she receives it!)

(Winners, drop me an e-mail with your info so that I can get your lovely prizes out to you!)

Thank you to everyone who entered the giveaways last week and to all of you who read the posts I throw out into the world. I’ve got some great summer product reviews coming up in the near future, and maybe there will be a few more giveaways to come.

Blog Friends, what do you want to see more of on this little blog of mine?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

How I Embarrassed Myself in Front of The Bloggess for a Good Cause (In 500 Words or Less) (with photos)

I’ll get to the point fast. The good cause? Katie’s impending 30th birthday. But the how I embarrassed myself part in 500 words or less? Here goes:

(Note: I’m speaking really fast in my mind, so I highly recommend that you read it equally as fast in your mind.)

So I was excited to meet Jenny Lawson, and I had a plan to get her to sign a book for Katie, my butter-churning sister from a past life who also happens to WRITE a BOOK blog. And through her book blog (which she began after I gave her a guest post on my blog when she was going by the pseudonym Penny, for like 5 minutes) I discovered Jenny’s book, Let’s Pretend this Never Happened, which I read and laughed hysterically at. Katie also was the instigator in directing me to The Bloggess’ Blog. And insisting that I comment and follow through to the other blogs from other people who comment. And thus began my whirlwind trip into a blogging community.

And so I practiced telling Jenny all about how Katie was my best friend ever. And how she wanted to be there. And how I was surprising her with the book. And basically rambled everything that I just wrote in the previous paragraph to poor Jenny. And of course, I said “hi” like 15 times. And I told her she was “fantastic” like 15 times. And apologized for being such a freak, because I was so nervous. And then I forgot to say anything witty. Or clever. Or adorable. Or intelligent, really. I didn’t even tell her about my best friend Ally, who was RIGHT THERE, pulling the camera/phone away from my shaking hand so that she could take pictures of me and Jenny.

The Bloggess Book Tour

Ally and I waiting for the arrival of The Bloggess

The Bloggess Book Tour

While we were waiting, Katie sent me this gem of a photo with the text: So sad that I’m not there! (She had NO IDEA I had a book to be signed for her!

The Bloggess Book Tour

Check out the sweet metal chicken reading a mini book!

The Bloggess Book Tour

She’s like, the most awesome person ever. I love her more now than I did before.

The Bloggess Book Tour

While waiting for my number (when Jenny would sign the books) I met the coolest people ever! I want that hair sooo bad! And the skirt. Apparently she wore the skirt the last time they met Jenny. How fun are they?

The Bloggess Book Tour

After I rambled about Katie for 5 minutes, AND showed the sad face text picture…she wrote this!

The Bloggess Book Tour

And then, just to show you how awesome Jenny is…she was all, “let’s pretend she’s here!” and put her arm around invisible Katie.

That Jenny Lawson is one cool chick. I’ve got more Adventures with The Bloggess posts to come.

So Blog Friends, have you ever been embarrassed in front of someone you admire?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!