Why You Should Never Lie: A Cautionary Tale

A few months ago, I was returning a pair of shoes that I had bought on a whim. I knew that the return policy was really short and that I was outside the policy window, but I really wanted to return the shoes. So I lied.

At this point, I should probably give you a big fat heads up: I’m not a very good liar.

A blog post about lying...and the ridiculous rampage that ensues

I figured if I went in there with the story that I received the shoes for my birthday from my mom that it wouldn’t be a big deal, and the return would just go through. Or not. Apparently this particular shoe store is all up in your business, and they want your information left and right: phone number, e-mail address, home address…I’m surprised they didn’t ask for my social! So here’s what I did:

PS: Don’t do this.

So I walked into the store with a box of shoes and no receipt.  I didn’t even have the shoebox in a bag because a gift wouldn’t have come in a store bag, right? I know. I’m not always a genius. When I walked in, there was nobody standing near the door…and my first thought was, OMG – they’re going to think I’m stealing. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. there it was weird because I was like well they’re going to think I’m stealing.

Obviously, I wasn’t stealing, and I didn’t want them to think I was stealing, so I walked right up to the service counter and informed them matter-of-factly that I was returning a pair of shoes and was there a return counter?

She directed me to the regular line, which I sauntered over to. As I was waiting in line, with the shoe box and no bag and no receipt…now my thought process was, OMG. They’re going to think I want to buy these shoes. Again. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.  When I got to the counter, I told the girl that I received the shoes as a gift from my mom, and they didn’t fit. And it was a shame because I really liked them, and my mom even knew my size, and I really wanted to love them.

One of my (probably very evident) problems with lying is that I tell way too much of a story, and I make it a whole big thing…Because I’m an absolutely terrible liar. So if I have a plan, I can maybe (okay, probably not at all) make it work.

So I continued rambling to this poor girl who must have been ready to stab me with her 3 1/2 inch heel… I told her that my mom bought the right size, but they just didn’t fit. They were too small for my feet (FINALLY! Truth!) and I didn’t have a receipt.

So the girl interrupted my pointless blathering with, “…no worries. If we can’t find her in the system then we can just do like a store credit. Do you want to find something else?”

“Yes, please.” So I left the shoes with her and proceeded to find a pair of shoes that actually fit me. I found a pair that looked cute, and discovered they were about the same price as the pair I was returning. Except they were on clearance. So I did what any normal girl would do and picked out lovely infinity scarf…because you know scarves are cute.

This scarf, actually!

This scarf, actually!

Then it was time to do the exchange. I put my game face on (badly…we all know how well I lied the first time), I walked back in line, and found myself at the register of the original cashier.

Her first question was something simple…She asked me, “Well, do you know the that your mom used? Not knowing whether or not my mom had a card with this shoe store, I gave my old home phone number from the days of landlines. I’m not even sure why. There was nothing under that phone number.

Then she asked for my mom’s name. OK another one I should definitely know. I stumbled trying to think quickly, and it sounded like I couldn’t even think of my mom’s last name. Eventually I responded, like, seriously, oh yeah I do know my mom’s name. Oh my God, Christine. You sound like a moron.

I continued on this rampage, because I was there now;  there was no going back.

So she took my driver’s license, which was fine because it was a return. Totally protocol. So she told me, “Well I can look you up; what’s your phone number?  SHIT. I used my phone number to buy those damn shoes; I couldn’t let her look my account up.

Thinking somewhat fast (like 9 second loading website fast), I decided I could use my Google Voice number…except that I don’t know my Google Voice phone number and I had to look for it…and I didn’t know where it was so I had to try to find it…and I was nervously scrolling through my phone like I didn’t even know my own fucking phone number.

I told her that I just switched to Google Voice, and I wasn’t actually sure what the number was and maybe I should probably call my boyfriend to find out what that number was (hey at least in this story he was my boyfriend…sometimes when I’m thinking fast, I just call him my husband–don’t tell him that).

“Don’t worry about it.” she told me, “I can look you up from your address.” Facepalm.

Well, thank goodness the address on my driver’s license is still my parents’ address, so I didn’t really have to worry about her finding my account that way. Then she says, “Okay, well, we’re just going to sign you up. That way, if you need to make any returns or have any problems, you won’t have to worry about it again.”

So, she signed me up for another rewards card, even though I already have an account. The return went through, and it was fine…but the whole time I was nervous, and it was ridiculous, and don’t do that.

Blog Friends, have you ever had one of those experiences, where you found yourself caught in a REALLY stupid lie that you couldn’t get out of? I felt a lot like Becky Bloomwood. It wasn’t fun. It gave me just as much anxiety as reading the Shopaholic series.

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Something Looks Different…Did You Change Your Nails?

Good morning, blog friends!

You may have noticed a little something new around here…perhaps a few little aesthetic changes…

You’re probably asking yourself,

Hey Chrissy, did you change your hair?

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Well, now that you mention it, I did visit Catelyn, my friendly local stylist, for a refresh last weekend…but that’s probably not what you meant.

Hey Chrissy, did you change your nails?

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Have I mentioned my Julep obsession?

In July, I signed up for a free Julep maven box with a few polishes and some other fancy beauty goodies…with just one box, I was hooked. The nail polish lasts for a week (ONE COAT my friends. Okay, one color coat – with top and bottom coat, of course), and the colors are AMAZING. They treat mavens like gold (read: all the discounts and mystery boxes). I’m getting away with myself. This isn’t even a sponsored post. Of course, because I’m a Julep affiliate, if you were to click on my link and order a Maven box, I might receive a tiny monetary incentive…but I can promise you it’s worth it. Right now, you can get the City Lights Welcome Box free to try Julep for yourself.

Whoops. Totally got off track here.

Back to your probing questions…and the reason I showed off my freshly painted digits.

Hey Chrissy…did you seriously paint your nails to match your new site design?

Is the Pope Catholic?

Of course I did. Would you have expected anything less ridiculous?

Well, shoot. You’re practically my hero!

Man, you guys are seriously awesome in my head.

I bet you paid someone to make you site look this fancy, didn’t you?

And just like that you lose faith. Rightfully so, of course. Yes, I paid the LOVELY Carol of Pink Haired Pixels to make my site look amazing. I met her at BlogHer, obsessed over her hair and did way too many Twisted Shotz with her before singing karaoke. I’m also thrilled to pieces with her work.

Now that I’ve rambled, what do you think of the new digs? Are you as smitten with pink and teal as I am?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

The Ponytail Hack Every Girl Should Know

You guys. This weekend I stumbled across an amazing hair hack. And then I skeptically tried it. And it flippin’ rocked.

You can create a long luscious ponytail without the use of extensions or fancy hair products.

If you remember back in the spring, I chopped the fuck out of my hair. It was all bobby and kind of adorable, but pretty much the shortest my hair has ever been. So it’s growing like a weed, but still not quite long enough for a perfect ponytail. I always have a few stray hairs falling down (especially from the cowlick at the base of my hairline).

When I saw this little trick, I thought to myself, yeah. Right. Like that’s going to work.

But to my complete surprise on Monday morning (almost as complete a surprise as me waking up at 7 am and having 10 minutes to make myself presentable and get my ass to the car), it worked. Quickly. Which is great because I didn’t have time to shower (whoops!), and the dry shampoo I ordered from Julep hasn’t arrived yet.

All you have to do is pull a decent chunk of hair into a half ponytail at the crown of your head (as neat or messy as you like – I certainly wouldn’t judge). Then, clipping the pony away from your head (and really, who am I kidding? I just pushed that shit out of my way with one hand), pull the remaining hair into a second ponytail an inch or two below the higher pony.

You can create a long luscious ponytail without the use of extensions or fancy hair products.

You REALLY can’t tell the voodoo magic below the higher ponytail. I made my ponytail look longer and fancier (well, okay, not so much fancier).

In the car, I asked Brian if he could see the second ponytail, and he had no idea what I was talking about. He gave me that , is this one of your loony toons morning discussions again, CHRISSY? Because I’m not getting trapped into talking about your hair…again, looks.

So I showed him what I meant and his response was, “Weird.”

I figured I’d take it to an expert and asked my coworker/cube buddy when I got into work.

“Do you like my ponytail?” (Thankfully, the lovely buddy that sits next to me doesn’t think I’m crazy and accepts that I ask random questions on a daily and sometimes hourly basis.)

“Did you get extensions? It looks longer.”

And THAT, my friends, is what we call a sweet little success.

What do you do to speed up your morning process? What hair hacks do you have? Do you think this would work for your hair?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Nerds!

Good afternoon Blog Friends!

I have returned from Indianapolis with about 10% of the games and things that I wanted to purchase (while still finding a few gems and winning a few sweet freebies.)

Gen Con Games

The Spoils

I can’t wait to pop these babies, ESPECIALLY the Firefly expansion. Of course, I also can’t wait to have a house to display my ridiculous game collection in one beautiful game library so I’ve decided this is the week we’re going to find our house.

All that aside, it’s time for the Gen Con recap.

We, along with 50,000 or so other nerds, geeks, and gamers, descended upon Indianapolis for 4 days of unadulterated gaming.

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What I wore to Gen Con

As with most nerd cons, it’s important to show off your finest geekery. I opted for two days of total geek chic and two days of comfort. Yoga pants dominated on the days that involved driving. But I’m pretty proud of the two full days’ ensembles.

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Spreadshirt Sloth Tee

On Friday, I busted out my brand new sloth tee from Spreadshirt. This shirt was sent to me so that I could tell you how awesome they are. I was actually super impressed with several things that Spreadshirt printed shirts had to offer. First, the collection of tees and designs are pretty vast. I went to the site looking for the perfect shirt to wear to Gen Con. I knew I found it when I saw the big happy sloth who definitely doesn’t run.

Sloth t-shirt

Ironically, Brian really did want to nap instead…and I wanted to get to Gen Con OMGASAPNEEDNEEDNEED.

The shirt took just a few days to ship – two to be exact. Unlike other make-your-own printed stuff sites, I received this shirt in less than a week from the shipping date. Just in time for Gen Con.

The best part about Spreadshirt was the customer service. Each step of the process came with an e-mail letting me know when my shirt would arrive and I received a final feedback request that felt personalized. It was a great experience.

As far as the shirt? I ordered a woman’s V-neck XL. I would order a different style/size next time, as I felt the shirt was a little short for me. Otherwise it was comfy and soft. And got a TON of compliments from other gamers.

TARDIS dress

As I scoured the mall looking for another tee to wear, I stumbled across this dress that pretty much made my day. And FIT ME.

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Upon entering the con that day, I immediately found my Dalek foe and went to wreak havoc on him for existing. Unfortunately, there was no chatting with a Dalek this year.

I did think it was super interesting, as I had never been in one place where so many people were wearing the exact same thing as me (and I went to Cheer Camp!).

On Wil Wheaton

Man! How cool would it be to be as cool as Wil Wheaton?! These are just a few things I saw:

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I failed to purposely accidentally run into him again, but I think I’d be so nervous if I did, I wouldn’t say anything at all.

The Games

I love demoing games. I love demoing games at Gen Con. I didn’t get to play nearly as many games as I would have liked, but here are a few that really stood out to me.

Alpha Bandits

Alpha BanditsThis game from Wiggity Bang Games  was just funded on Kickstarter last month. I love the colors of the tiles, but the play of the game is really fun. It relies on creating words for points, but also sneakily changing up your opponents’ words and ending the round to garner the most points. It’s a really great word game for anyone who loves them some Scrabble/Words With Friends. I actually have a demo print and play version of the game already, but it’s still on my list of to-buy games when it comes out in a few months. Especially since this wordsmith kicked the game designer’s butt in a demo game!

Of course, because I beat the designer, I won a different game from Wiggity Bang games, Mad Quao (which I also got signed by the designer). I’ll let you know how it goes.

Seven Wonders with the upcoming expansion

I love this game as a stand-alone game or with its current expansions, and I really enjoyed playing one part of the new expansion. Each of the add-ons in this expansion offer help and hindrances depending on how you play your game. The one we played added a group card that everyone needed to work together to achieve. With a success, everyone who helped received a sweet bonus and with a fail, anyone who didn’t help was punished (in the game people!)

Run for Your Life Candyman!

Oh. My. God. You should probably own this game. The premise is Candyland. But with the added slogan of Smirk & Dagger Games, “Games are a lot more fun when you can stab a friend in the back.” And it’s amazing. We played in a 2-hour tournament game at 11:00 pm. What made this especially fantastic was the gingerbread cookies and food coloring gel.

You can watch as my cookie, Taunty, slowly loses every part of himself. Playing this with a group of strangers was surprisingly awesome. We had a fantastic group and Smirk & Dagger makes this an amazing experience with their enthusiasm and super fun game.

We spent most of the game in a candy cage match where we basically just ripped at each other until everyone had someone else’s candy limbs. It was fantastic.

There was SO much more, but I figured all you needed was a small glimpse into this year’s Gen Con experience.

Have you ever been to a game or comic con? What’s your favorite board or card game?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Vacation Fashion Fails

Good morning Blog Friends!

I thought today was as good a day as any to tell you of this year’s vacation fashion whoops moments…because I tend to have a lot of them.

I bought several new dresses and outfits to wear on our trip, as vacation seems to be my favorite time to get a new wardrobe. Of course, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t fuck it all up every now and then.

The first fashion fail entails our drive out of San Francisco, which is a wonder since it seemed to take 2 whole days before wrecking myself. This dress was a try-it-on-three-times-before-deciding dress, as I wasn’t quite sure I wanted it. I probably should have left it at Forever 21.

We had been through a whirlwind morning in an almost-failed attempt to acquire a rental car that resulted in a $50 town car ride to the airport and a significantly cheaper car rental than you’d find in Downtown San Francisco. We figured the town car would be nicer than a cab ride and it was the same price.

Of course, I was donning one of my never-before worn dresses, feeling all sorts of fancy. Until I ripped it getting out of the car.

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As you can see, it’s a pretty bold and busy pattern, so you won’t notice that I continue to wear the dress even with a hole in it.

I’d like to tell you that this next fashion fail was a result of shot time with Pocketful of Joules, but I’d be lying.

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And since there is Instagramic proof that I was having problems with this dress from the beginning…you wouldn’t believe me anyways.

This dress was the dress I almost bought a house in. It started the vacation at my mom’s house, where after one wearing, I required a seam fix in the arm pit and a stain removal from that one time I thought it was a good idea to cook with oil while wearing a new dress and a few additional spills…from wearing it once. Mom fixed it up and delivered it to me the day of our flight to San Fran. Best. Mom. Ever.

It was probably bad luck to bring it along as it was, but I’m a big fan of living on the edge.

As you may have seen on Instagram, I had problems from the moment I put the dress on.
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The cutouts at the bottom of my dress were going to be the death of this dress. Somewhere between getting caught in the hair dryer cord and doing shots with Joules, my dress was ripped in q big way that Mama can’t fix…though she did offer to try.

Luckily, it’s a pretty flowy dress amd you can’t TOTALLY see where it’s ripped…so I’ll still be seen wearing it.

My final fashion fail wasn’t so much a rip or tear as it was poor planning on my part. I had planned to wear this saucy little black dress on a fancy dinner night with Brian…but things don’t work out the way you plan and it became my McDonald’s closing party duds.

It was strapless and practically backless, so wearing a bra wasn’t about to happen. Brian thought it looked spectacular, so I rolled out to meet with the Bloopies(a group of bloggers that I’m a part of).

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You can kind of see that the dress didn’t seem to be holding up as much as I would have liked…

Thankfully, I’m often surrounded by people who are smarter than me and one of these delightful women, the brilliant genius that is Lily Connelly, suggested that I use my scarf to hold the dress up after seeing my insecure struggle to keep it from giving all of BlogHer a free show.

So my fashion fail actually turned into a fashion hack, in which I wrapped the scarf through the center tie and back around my neck, thus keeping my boobs in place and out of sight.

Fashion hack: use a scarf to hold a strapless dress up. ALSO, this may be the nicest port-o-potty ever.

Fashion hack: use a scarf to hold a strapless dress up. ALSO, this may be the nicest port-o-potty ever.

Have you ever had a fashion fail? Do you rip holes in clothes as often as I do? What’s the best fashion hack you’ve discovered?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Painful Beauty/Grooming Activities You’ll Probably Regret for Weeks. Okay Fine. Painful Grooming Activities I Regret.

Okay. Maybe I’m alone in this. Maybe I’m like…the worst girl ever. I mean, I don’t typically wear makeup. I think yoga pants are pants. As long as my hair isn’t going to freeze solid, I avoid blow drying my hair and live with it in the messy updo (not because it’s cute, but because I’m lazy).

So when I do these things, I am trying to be a girl, and screw up royally. Regularly. Basically, if it’s on the following list, I’ve done it more than once. Probably more than 10 times. And recently.

Over-clipping my nails

I’m going to spare you the image of my Flinstoes (Fred Flinstone toes) and just explain that sometimes, I feel the need to clip the shit out of my toenails. And somehow they end up WAY more clipped than should be humanly possible. Mostly, to the point of pain. And possibly over-clipped cuticles. And requiring my Mickey Mouse Band-Aids. Thankfully, the last time I did this was a little over a week ago, so by next week, I’ll be okay to go get a pre-Florida pedicure.

Shaving just a bit too quickly

You know how it is in winter…when I haven’t shaved in a while…And I certainly haven’t paid attention to those unseen areas…the upper thighs…the random long hairs on my toes…and finally there’s that one day I decide, Dammit. I’ve had enough. And I just want to get it all done. And I’m rapidly moving the blade all over my legs, arms (yes, I shave my arms), hands and feet, because God-forbid we aren’t damn near hairless to impress society…And then I nick the ever-living shit out of my toe, or the back of my thigh, or wrist, or that area right by my Achilles. And it’s not super painful at first, but I’m bleeding like a stuck pig and require Band-Aids. Again.

Cut arm and finger

Cutting my own bangs

Thankfully, this one is a thing of the past for me, but with the popularity of bangs in general these days, I thought it was relevant. Plus, I KNOW you’re dying to go back in time and read my somewhat sad, yet slightly funny childhood bang-cutting experience. It’s okay to laugh. But kids are mean. Anyways, cutting my bangs was something I did from a young age…basically since my mom nicked my forehead with the super sharp bang scissors…And almost every time, I would cut them just a smidge too short. And have to deal with it until they grew out. Can I just say how glad I am to not have bangs?

A Bad Dye Job

You guys, the first time I went red, I seriously had to re-do it (And by re-do it, I mean have my sister come over to my best friend’s apartment, where I was apartment-sitting, and re-dye my hair for me.) It was that bad. Chunks of brown hair had clearly been missed, and the red was not looking too adorable. Eventually, we got it right, but it definitely wasn’t as easy as going blonde…These days I don’t trust myself enough to try…I have a tendency to destroy bathrooms when I dye my hair

Blog Friends, do you do any of these? Do you do something else that I didn’t mention? Tell me so I don’t feel all alone over here!

 

 

 

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Why do Gray Hairs Have to be so Kinky?

I know that it’s time to schedule an appointment with my colorist when my gray hairs start sticking up and the roots are almost two inches long and I stare pointedly at the mirror before I start plucking the silver or black kinky hairs from my head.

I knew I was destined to have salt and pepper hair when my first “gray hair” was actually a crazy zig zagged black hair that stood at attention from the top of my head. I was in my early twenties, and not excited to see that first of many little bastards appearing…

Of course, I’ve been dying my hair since my glamour shots at age 11 (seriously, if you want a good laugh, go look at the pictures in that post), so I can’t completely tell how much of my hair is covered in gray.

Gray hairs suck. Red dye helps.

This was me when I was younger, a week after I first dyed my hair red, and had only found a couple of gray hairs…Back when selfies were called “Myspace poses.” Oh to be 24 again…

But last night, as I was standing in front of the mirror with my trusty pair of tweezers (I have a plucking problem), I realized it was definitely time to call Katelyn. The shining silver of gray standing straight up every time I flip my hair is more than I can stand!

 Do you have gray hair? Do you own it or dye it? Tell me blog friends, because I’m dying here!

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

I Am…Among Other Things…A Fashion Maven…Maybe.

Work to Weekend Style

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

This is Halloween: DIY Sally Skellington Costume

Halloween Costumes 2017
Every time I post a Halloween picture, thought, or idea…my mom asks, “Why aren’t you showing off your costume?!?” It’s really adorable actually. First, it’s adorable because my mom is one of my most dedicated readers. Second, it’s adorable because she’s super proud of her work. Her work, you ask? Yep. So here’s how this went down:

For Halloween, Brian and I were going to go as an old time villain and damsel in distress. But when we planned our Disneycation, it was decided that we needed costumes a little bit earlier than normal… Like September 14 early. And the costumes in question-we weren’t totally in love with. So, we started perusing the idea list. Brian had left open some tabs with Jack Skellington and Sally from Nightmare Before Christmas… (Oh right, one of my typical requirements is a ginger costume so that I have an excuse to re-dye my hair right before Halloween). It was the perfect idea. Now…to find the costume.

When I couldn't find a costume I liked, I made my own DIY Sally Skellington Costume and my boyfriend made part of his Jack Skellington Costume

I pinned a few ideas to my Sally Pinterest board…but I was unimpressed with the quality of costumes available. I wanted authenticity. So I decided that I would make my own costume. I would get a base dress, some fabric to match the patches, and sew the patches to the base dress with black yarn. Easy peasy, right? Not right. I got the dress and vintage clothes with the fabric I wanted from garage-sailing one Saturday afternoon during the summer, stopped off at my parents’ house, and got started.

15% Off Easy Costume Kits via TrendyHalloween.com

Obviously, after the needle bit my hand 3 times, and it was evident that I was doing a piss-poor job of sewing this thing…it was not going to go very far. Luckily…Mom was sitting right there…telling me, “You’re doing it all wrong. Give it to me!” I handed it off to her…and all of a sudden my project became her project. Plan successful. Mom took over. Now, my mom is hand-sew, knit, crafty, crafty genius…and despite her arthritic hands, took it upon herself to spend about 30 hours working on this masterpiece.

[caption id="attachment_1059" align="aligncenter" width="269"]When I was looking for the perfect Sally Halloween costume, I couldn't find what I wanted. So my mom and I worked together to create this DIY Sally Skellington costume. The base dress with the Sally sleeves[/caption]

Every so often, I would head over to the house for a fitting…and Mom’s work of art was beginning to take shape.

[caption id="attachment_1060" align="aligncenter" width="269"]When I was looking for the perfect Sally Halloween costume, I couldn't find what I wanted. So my mom and I worked together to create this DIY Sally Skellington costume. Looking good, right?[/caption]

So I was getting pretty stoked about this costume…and Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party. Mom stopped using the black yarn as thread and switched to multiple strands of black thread. You can sort of tell the difference, but they both look awesome, and it’s not supposed to be uniform, so it worked out REALLY well. (The regular thread made it way easier to sew.)

Finally, it was less than a week before we left for Disney…and my costume was DONE! I was ridiculously excited, even after we got skunked while packing for the trip.

[caption id="attachment_1063" align="aligncenter" width="512"]halloween at Disney Sally and Jack costumes Brian’s costume still needed a little work done before Halloween, but it worked while we were in Disney.[/caption]

Brian eventually finished his costume by wearing a suit (it was FAR too warm in Florida to wear a suit jacket and pants to wander the Magic Kingdom), making a bow tie out of a bat and a wire hanger, and getting skeleton hands.

 

[caption id="attachment_1064" align="aligncenter" width="404"]Disney magic in my DIY Sally Costume Disney Magic. *sigh*[/caption]

Note, while at Disney, we invested in a Zero! So I still needed a few things too… the boots and the stripey socks. It took me until the day of the big Halloween party (this past Saturday) to find exactly what I was looking for. But I found them. And the end result was pretty fantastic.

[caption id="attachment_1066" align="aligncenter" width="402"]Jack Skellington and Sally DIY Costumes Jack & Sally (My mom’s awesome, right?)[/caption]

Have you ever conned one of your parents into doing something you knew they would do better than you? Have you ever made your own Halloween costume because the store-bought ones just weren’t cutting it? What are you going to be for Halloween this year?

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!

Drunken Laundry at the Laundromat

In the spring of 2008, my parents’ washing machine was on the fritz…and being a grown woman still living at her parents’ house…I needed to do my own laundry. Of course, I waited until I had practically nothing left…(yes, I would occasionally buy underwear and socks, and even go without one or both because I didn’t want to do laundry…) and my wardrobe options were getting pretty scarce.

drunk laundry escapades

So, one night, after a huge Easter feast, a surprise homecoming from my best friend, Mark, and a lazy evening watching Enchanted for the second of three times in a week, I packed up my car and drove to the nearest laundromat (Actually I packed it up twice–once to move out of Mark’s apartment, where I was living/apartment-sitting while he was on a long-ass business trip, and once with laundry).

I cannot claim whether this was truly nearest my house…But it was nearest my 2nd home–Flaherty’s AKA The Bar. I found out that the laundromat was open on Easter (Woot!)…until 9:30 (which I discovered at 8:40-another resounding Woot Woot!). As I was loading up my arms with Tide and Bounce and laundry and money and keys, I banged my head, not once but, twice on the car door. Keep in mind this was in addition to the neck and shoulder bangs from unloading my stuff from Mark’s apartment. The evening was not necessarily going the way I had hoped.

I walked into the laundromat and there was one guy doing his laundry. Keep in mind, this was a big production for me, since I’ve never used a laundromat. The closest experience was in the college dorms, and that was designed to be easy (and more often then not, I took my clothes home to wash them). So I put soap in three of the nearest washers, which weren’t going to fit ANYTHING. Apparently these were commercial washers. Although I’m still not entirely sure what their purpose was…I knew I messed up and wasted money. So I tried stuffing clothes in anyways, and I soon realized…maybe not. I looked around and realized that there were normal-people washers in the back of the ‘mat. Ahhh… that makes sense-put the real stuff in the backRight? Fits more clothes. Less money. Bingo! I finally got everything sorted, in, and spinning.

At this point, I decided I wasn’t going to sit around and watch laundry spin…so I left. Ok, I went to  the bar and ordered a very necessary drink. And a pizza. Mmmm…pizza was one of my lenten offerings that year, and I was thrilled the sacrifice was over. I started chatting with my pal Liz and telling her about my most recent adventures in Chrissy-land, and we were laughing up a storm.

About 20 minutes later, I ran back to the laundromat with Liz to check on my clothes. And it was locked.

Shit. The guy came out of the office and let us in. He told us that he was leaving and we could prop the door open if we need to leave for anything. Oh dear.

I was about to transfer my clothes, and again, I wasn’t quite sure how this worked because there were also two different dryer types–a bigger one and a smaller one. The guy put money into the big one for me(score!) and said it was the better one. So I stuffed all of my clothes in there–all three loads of laundry–and vowed to return in a bit. (That vodka soda and frozen pizza was calling my name).

Liz and I propped the door open with my Bounce box and walked back to our drinks and the pizza. We hung out for a bit and when it was time to grab my clothes, we invited another girl to join us for round three of laundry-mania. We got over to the laundromat and my clothes were still not dry, so I put more money in and planned to come back after another drinky…you can see where this is going.

After our final return, the clothes were dry, folded (poorly) and put into my basket. As we were walking out, we double checked: Money, keys, clothes, Tide, Bounce. Closed the door.

And oh FUCK! Immediately, I knew that I had left some stuff hanging to dry inside!

3 hours of laundry: $6.75

Tip at Bar: $5.00

Juke Box Money: $5.00

Calling your dad the next morning to retrieve your bras from the laundromat:

Priceless.

Never Again.

Blog Friends, have you ever had to ask one of your parents to remedy your flakiness? Tell me one of your embarrassing stories so I don’t feel quite so bad!

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