Marriage in the days of alternative facts

It’s been 5 months since Brian and I tied the proverbial knot. And let me tell ya, marriage isn’t easy. It’s been rough going as we wade through real life and what’s true or not. The world is insane, you guys.

Marriage, champagne and red wine in a world of alternative facts

Here are just a few of the crazy “truths”that have come to light and we’ve had to deal with since our wedding day.

My husband always steals the sheets. Sometimes,  I wake up cold, shivering in my skivvies because BRIAN likes to keep the heat at OFF all winter long.

I do all the laundry. I mean, somedays, there’s just piles and piles of it, and I slave over the washing machine when I could be doing things like painting my nails, Facebooking, or plotting my next getaway with friends.

My husband might be a shopaholic. If he spends $8.99 on Zulily purchases 3 days in a row, and travels from T.J. Maxx to Marshall’s to Tuesday Morning to Ross every weekend, and then spends quality train time on World Market, Amazon, and Bed Bath and Beyond every morning, he might have a problem, right?

My husband really hates vacuuming. But he loves inviting dogs to spend the night. Just last week, we had one of our niece dogs over for a weekend jaunt, and I had to vacuum after she left, AND wash all the couch covers.

As you can see, the struggle is real, you guys. Wading the truth and fiction, and seeking out the tiny bits of truth among alternative facts takes a lot of work. So I’m just going to go shopping and paint my nails or something. If I buy new clothes, I don’t have to do laundry, right?

What alternative facts are hindering your relationship?

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Butterfly kisses, and how I kind of sort of almost died in New Orleans…twice This is why I’m not good at surprises

Comments

  1. My husband turns the hot water on just enough to fog up the bathroom…and just sits there. My son does the same thing. I don’t get it. Turn the water on and get in the damn shower. Also, close a cabinet door once in awhile.

  2. Mine leaves Sprite bottlecaps everywhere.
    I do not understand this. He’s proven himself perfectly capable of getting up and tossing the actual bottles into the recycling. But when it comes to the caps, it’s like they’re invisible. I have to point them out to him every time.
    He leaves them all around the apartment like the little girl in Signs with her glasses of water except unless aliens really really hate green plastic I don’t think the bottlecaps are going to help us in the event of an invasion.

  3. My Ex had the strangest way of prioritizing. For example, let’s say a pipe burst and the house was getting flooded. He’d say “oh, let me go clear off that shelf in the garage I was meaning to do” (that’s a highly fictionalized example because he never cleared shelves but you get the idea).

  4. Chrissy, I got an email notice of a new post titled “9605” about trying to get a massage therapy appointment. When I clicked on the link I got Yahoo Search results for “XXX” which listed links for porn videos. And, I don’t see the post listed on your home page. I’m confused and figured you ought to know about the misdirected link.

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