Things I’m Learning About Twitter

Twitter is this magic beast; it’s quite the antithesis of Facebook, really. A lot of people shouting and pretending to listen, but no one’s really fighting (most of the time) because they’re caught up in their own jam.

Unless you’re following hashtags and that’s a whole ‘nother world. But if you’re not following hashtags, and you’re just following people, there’s a rabbit hole of awesome that you, too, can experience in the flesh.

When you're playing the Twitter game, these tips will help you make the most of this social space.

I’ve had a Twitter account for years, but I feel like a total noob, which obviously isn’t stopping me from telling you how to win at Twitter. This is what I’m learning.
1. Twitter likes you best when you’re hot, lazy, and love food. The number of people who followed me over the course of the year was completely correlated to the attractiveness of my profile picture (you know what a selfie whore I am) and the number of times I mentioned cheese. My best tweets all involve me not wanting to remove myself from bed, but desperately craving food or eating an embarrassing number of doughnuts. Whatever. Twitter, I get you. This is why we’re friends.

2. It’s all about go big or go home. The way to grow your Twitter followership? Actively immerse yourself in the Twitter. I mean, if you’re lazy and love food, you’ll love wasting your time on Twitter. I do. There are a lot of hilarious as fuck people out there. I think to myself, “can I keep you?” And then I follow them on Twitter. And I can keep them in my pocket. It’s like magic.

3. You can make friends all over the place when you’re weird. That go big thing about Twitter being a time suck? It’s because you’re supposed to socialize in the blue bird sandbox. Get crackin’ and find the people who get your humor/sentiments/anger/love/weirdness. They’ll welcome you with open retweets and faves. Unless you’re a dick. And even then, someone probably likes you. Again with the magic.

4. The pound sign is out. Remember when that was what we called the #? Hashtags are fun to make up but totally not required to make friends. Don’t worry you can still hash your heart out on Instagram. Or you can run with the Twitter pack that plays the hashtag game.

5. It’s all in the hips. Not really. I just wanted to say that. Honestly, I think it’s all about who you are. If you’re weird, like food a little too much and hate getting out of bed, you’ll probably enjoy being my Twitter friend, but if you’re the complete opposite,  I’m absolutely positive there are people who’ll get you too.

What do you like best about Twitter? Which is your favorite social network? Why?

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Comments

  1. I’m on Twitter a lot and it’s a good way to promote blog posts. So many funny and weird people on Twitter. Still, keep an eye out for those who follow just to get you to follow back, and then unfollow a few days later. They are follow-whores.

  2. I think I need to winnow my tweeps, though I’m rarely there any more – I’ve probably been winnowed more than winnower. I used to adore twitter, but it really IS such a time-suck. I prefer Facebook by far 🙂

  3. I find Twitter annoying. But, in my defense, I’m old. I am not into anything really. News, texts, emails and Quirky Chrissy. I know, I’m embarrassed for me too.

  4. I strictly use twitter to enter contests and or giveaways. I follow a bunch of stores/companies/authors, but I couldn’t tell you what they post because I never log on! I’m not even sure what my handle is.

  5. Just yesterday I read a nice recap from BuzzFeed of this whole Kanye/Amber Rose thing. It seems to me that all of this should have been handled over text, even if they are celebrities, but Twitter (all social media) makes issues public that never would have been.

    I’m a huge fan of social media and I think Twitter/FB/Instagram are great for people to promote their personal brands or causes. But the celebrity feuds are ridiculous – and amazingly entertaining!

  6. You’re great, I just followed you on Twitter. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing on Twitter. But I still twit. See? I call it twit.

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