Hey Nicholas Cage, Quit Watching Me Pee

In my office, the bathroom is an interesting space. I’ve been with my company for over two years, and last month, they replaced lights I didn’t even know existed. For two years, the bathroom was a dark, dank place.

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And now, look how bright it is! (Sort of.)

The ladies are occasionally super messy and gross  (signs literally went up in three places to say, “if it’s still there, flush again.” Yes. I know.) Toilets overflow. It’s just a mess.

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I’m not sure if you can see the pool of water…

And then there’s the awkwardness that ensues when people refuse to acknowledge one another in the bathroom…Here’s a good rule of thumb: if you make eye contact, smile or say something…a simple “hi” will suffice. If you purposely avoid eye contact, other people will notice and you’ll look like a dick.

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But when you sit down on the porcelain throne, and look up to see creepy Nicholas Cage staring at you…

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How do you even respond?

Well, I had gone into one of the smaller stalls on a whim (okay fine, someone was in the handicapped stall), and discovered the above-pictured gem…

And procedured to check every other stall in the bathroom. The handicapped stall (my stall of choice) was the only one without a picture of my good pal, Nic.

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Oh. And one left shark.

 

I happened upon the creepiest Nic pic of the bunch on my first try, but the rest were pretty fantastic.

And don’t get me wrong…I like Mr. Cage. His work in Con Air really did it for me. But dear God, I can’t handle him watching me pee.

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What weird things go on in your office bathroom? Ever been caged with Cage?

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Comments

  1. LOL, I really hope this was an April Fool’s prank, good heavens!

  2. Hahahah! That is pretty awesome. Also, women are horrible when it comes to public bathrooms and that’s a fact. What the hell do you all do in there?

    • Right? A great little amusement to stumble upon!

      And seriously. Women are friggin’ gross. I think part of it is their fear of sitting on someone else’s pee that they pee all over the toilet…And also it depends how often the bathroom is serviced. Ours is visited by maintenance twice daily, which I think is imperative for a cleanish bathroom. I once worked in an office where it was cleaned once every two weeks. By the beginning of week two, we were out of almost everything. It was awful.

  3. That’s awesome! My office is set up way different than offices in general (probably because it’s a halfway house, and not an actual office building. I have an old motel room as an office, I think) and we have 2 bathrooms. One upstairs, one downstairs, both gender neutral. Except, for some reason ALL the big, stinky guys want to use the downstairs bathroom to poop. They cannot poop next to our little old lady record keeper. And guys are messy. they never look back to make sure everything is gone. They are fully incapable of replacing the toilet paper or paper towels. and one day, the day that caused me to flip out, there was shit allllll over the upper rim of the toilet. The part where the seat sits on. These are full grown adults who cannot clean up after themselves, or keep their poo all the way in the toilet.

    • Omigosh. That’s hilarious. I’m picturing a bunch of dudes all nervously avoiding the sweet little old lady…

      And then I’m disgusted by nasty nasty poop imagery. People are gross.

  4. I’m so jealous. No one I work with has a sense of humor like that.

  5. Hysterical….

  6. LOL This is too funny! How bout if you send old Nick my way? I’ll be proud to have him watch me pee. 🙂 Before getting a female boss, we had a target placed on the wall right in front of the jon. So when you sat to do your business, you better dang well have your nerf gun locked and loaded! 😉

  7. Bwahaha. That shit (no pun intended) is freaking hilarious.

  8. Nic Pic?! Hi-larious! And whomever did this is my new hero. I prefer the one with him on a cupcake, because duh.

  9. Stopping by way of Aussa.

    For some reason, I am reminded of Jana’s story about someone hover-peeing. Good grief. For all that’s been drilled into my brain about the supposed controversy over leaving the toilet seat up or down, whether the TP should be over or under, and then I think women are tidy about their T time, getting a revelation that some are guilty as hell is upsetting. Damn it, I get after my son if he forgets to flush a poo, but at least he is really good about following my instruction to wipe the seat if he pees on it.

    I’m on disability, so, no office; see last paragraph.

    • Welcome!

      Yeah, it’s really disconcerting how messy women’s bathrooms can be. And the hover pee-ers are the reason people have to hover! It’s a vicious circle!

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