Ladies and Gentleman, Meet Dark & Twisty Meredelf Grey, Our Elf on the Shelf

I never PLANNED to get an Elf on the Shelf. In fact, the first I ever heard of the damn thing was when a co-worker told me about Jen Mann from People I Want to Punch in the Throat being a hilarious mom blogger who wrote about the Elf on the Shelf. Until then, I was blissfully unaware.

After that point, I jumped into the elf judgement. The elf hatred. The oh-my-god-really-Santa-isn’t-good-enough-for-you-people judgy judgy bullshit. I swore I’d never get one. I planned a life without an elf. Even if tiny humans were to happen upon my world, it would be tough cookies for the kids, because their elf was still secretly hidden (and never coming out to spy visibly.) I was down with this plan. Until I wasn’t.

A Skypeversation with Katie

A Skypeversation with Katie

I still think the elf is SUPER creepy. But I kept thinking of all the fun I could have with the elf.

And so a few weeks ago, I went out and bought one. And then I took her home and put her on a shelf. And I thought about names for her… I wanted someone strong, and maybe a little sassy. So I came up with a little list of possible names for her.

Name ideas for your girl elf on the shelf

Grown-Up Names for Elf on the Shelf

Okay…Sort of grown-up names… *cough* kid at heart *cough*

Elizabelf Bennet. She won’t settle for less than love.

Princess Elfsa. She can build ice castles in her sleep.

Britnelf Spears. She’s stronger than yesterday…and she’ll probably do it again.

Katniss Elferdeen. She fights hard, and she’s not afraid to say no.

Jennifer Lawrelf. She might fall down a lot, but she’ll laugh with you about it.

Hillary Clintelf. Because she gets more flack than she deserves. And she’s a pretty strong lady.

Meredelf Grey. She’s stronger than she thinks, and she can really hold her tequila. Sold to the tequila drinking doctor with mommy issues who’s bad with sisters.

When I brought her out for the holidays, she BEGGED me to take her Black Friday shopping at the liquor store. She said tequila was on sale, and she just HAD to get a bottle. While I shopped for wine and whiskey, Meredelf scampered off to another aisle. I found her in the tequila aisle swooning.

Elf on the shelf at the liquor store Meredelf Grey loves tequila

I really had to drag her away from the booze, but we made it home safely, and sober. She was practically pleading with me to buy it. Unfortunately, I tapped my budget with other shit. I think she’s going to take it out on me. I’ve heard she’s really good at holding grudges.

Do you have an elf on the shelf? What did you name her (or him)? If you don’t have one, what would you name your elf?

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Comments

  1. I don’t have one, but there is a tiny part of me that wants children for the SOLE purpose of creating kooky holiday traditions, like the elf. And then I remember that I don’t actually like children.

  2. Yeah, this isn’t going to end well. I’m worried about Meredelf Grey’s blood alcohol level. You know that elf has no restraint and probably tried to drive home. You’ve just unleashed a whirling dervish.

  3. Bwahaha. OMG I love this! Even better, I love that your elf has a bit of drinking problem just like my Marty does. Seriously, what is it with elves and alcohol?

    • I’d say maybe they should hang out…But Meredelf makes bad decisions when she’s drinking. If I had to fly back and forth to the North Pole every night, I’d drink a lot too.

  4. this is bizarre. in a good way though.

  5. They are creepy as all hell.

  6. I love Meredelf!! I need an elf with a christmas cookie and cheese eating a addiction to go with the drinking problem.

  7. Nope. No elves for us. I can’t stand that creepy little face. I’ve seen some DIY projects that are similar, and focused more on the Christmas spirit than getting into mischief… I wouldn’t be opposed to something like that. But definitely with a different elf. One that doesn’t look so creepy.

    • I totally thought I had replied here!

      I think part of the fun is that she does look so darn creepy. I like the mischief (but not the OMG the elf made a mess that I have to clean mischief. I make enough of my own messes…Although I suppose I can blame the elf for my messes…)

  8. Oh no you didn’t! No you didn’t! That Elf is creepy. I even wrote a blog post on it last week. Been nice knowing you…….

    Lock your bedroom door at night!

  9. Ha. We are not elf on a shelf fans here.

  10. Oh my word!! This is hilarious. I love seeing what people do with their elves. I think adults love this more than kids.

  11. I found the post creepy and funny at the same time. And the comments were equally enjoyable.

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