That One Time You Asked Me For Ridiculous and Impossible Blog-Souvenirs From My Vacation? This is What You Get.

I was on vacation. For a whole week. 8 days to be exact. 8 days out of Chicago. 8 days out of the cold. 8 days in Florida. On a tiny little island, where grandparents hang out with each other and walk on the beach together with Chrissy. You asked me for the following:

  • Gators modeling swimsuits.
  • The hottest guy you can find. I want the six-pack, tattoos and everything. And you can say it was totally my fault if you get in trouble. SEE, I’m already a bad old lady!
  • Every beach has โ€œthat guy.โ€ Youโ€™ll know him when you see him. I want to see him and maybe a great woman in a two piece suit to remind my wife how fun vacation is and that we need to start saving if we plan on going.
  • Awkward people.
  • Maybe a great pic of you and Brian and a palm tree.
  • Dolphins!!
  • Toes in the sand (a request from a Google Hangout)

Unfortunately…I didn’t see ANY gators in swimsuits. The lucky bitches were all naked.

Turtle gator ride

Would you settle for a turtle taking a gator ride?

Finding hot guys on Marco Island is tough. I totally was a creeper and took this one, just for you. Closest I could find.

The back end of a hot guy

The back end of a [maybe] hot guy (also includes “that guy” and one of the “awkward people.”) Fuck, I’m awesome.

OK, fine. You asked for awkward people. As if that guy isn’t enough. And me taking a picture of those two guys. And really, me in general…I’m pretty fucking awkward. But fine.

And if that’s not enough for you, I went all the way. I randomly video’ed the beach just to show you how far I’m willing to go for you guys. Point out the awkward, hot, etc etc…BTW, the guy reading the book? Totally hot just because he was reading a book. That is all.

My mom wanted Brian and I by a palm tree…

Beach vacation

There are palm trees back there somewhere

I fucked up on the dolphin picture. So I didn’t really know how to work my camera on Day 1…when the fucking dolphins were 20-30 feet off the shore. Brian’s dad kept telling me to run in to swim with them (not understanding that I wanted to PAY money to swim with tame dolphins…not get raped by wild dolphins…)

So here are dolphins from last year.

Dolphin pictures

OK fine. This dolphin is from 2 years ago. You love me anyway, right?

You really don’t WANT to see the Flintstoes…but I’ll show ’em off anyways.

Things you didn’t ask to see, but I’ll show you for funsies:

So, Blog Friends, I’ve got a few more posts with random happenings from last week lined up, but based on the pictures above, what do YOU think happened on my vacation? Tell me a story. The funniest story wins a fabulous mystery prize. Ready. Set. Go.

Hey! Did you know you can buy my book on Amazon? 37 women wrote about the struggle for perfection, and I'm one of 'em. Go check it out!
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Comments

  1. I just smiled through this entire post. I love you, this post and the fact that you are so awesome. I think I may have even warmed up a little too thanks to the video on the beach, so I love that too!

  2. Did you notice that the “hot guy’s” pants are a little low. He may be a plumber in real life ๐Ÿ˜‰

  3. I like random happenings. Nice job with this and cool idea to get ideas from bloggers on what they wanted you to take pictures of. I should do it when I go to vegas in june except I will forget by then…..

  4. I am so confused by the gator/turtle. Why isn’t the gator trying to eat the turtle? Are they like the horse and the puppy in that Superbowl commercial?! Because I might cry again!

  5. Seems like you fulfilled everyone’s wish list! Glad you had a great time!!

  6. Did you manage to convince ‘awkward guy’ that taking a turtle-style ride on a gator was a great idea?! ๐Ÿ˜€

  7. From the looks of that last one, I’d say you were eventually abducted by aliens.

    Cool.

  8. Looks like you had a fab time. I’m very jealous that dolphins just rock up and swim around so close to shore. I’d have to pay a lot of money for a boat trip to get any chance of seeing them – and then I probably won’t see any because they’ll be chilling on Florida! Although with all this rain we’re having in England – you never know!

  9. That gator looked really close. Eek!

  10. Fate brought me here and I was so smitten with your quirkiness, but then you lied about dolphins.

    You monster. Now my heart is broken and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to trust again.

    Alternately called. How Quirky Chrissy destroyed my faith in humanity.

    • I’m now drunk on power. Muahahaha!! Imagine all the things this monster can do….I may even steal some cheese (from like…the free sample section).

      Also, for restoring faith in humanity, I recommend reading Aisha Tyler, Rainbow Rowell, or Gillian Flynn. Their talent and writing ability have that effect.

Speak to me. Tell me awesome things. Tell me secrets. Tell me lies.

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