Forget About the Velveeta Shortage; Buy Real Cheese. Duh.

Okay, so what the hell is this nonsense about a Velveeta shortage? Seriously.

Let me tell you a little something about Velveeta.

That shit is terrible.

End.

Okay, I’m lying. Not end.

If you don’t know me, allow me to introduce myself. Hi. I’m Chrissy and I have a cheese obsession. I have a weekly cheese budget (that I often exceed) and I’m an advocate for fancy cheese above all else. But cheap fancy cheese. Because I’m Polish. And sometimes the expensive stuff because it’s THAT good.

Cheese Porn

When Brian and I first started dating, I would, on occasion, have emergency cheese (AKA Velveeta) in the cheese drawer. It SERIOUSLY. NEVER. WENT. BAD. Months. Even half-opened, that shit didn’t change form at. all. The same yellow wiggle jiggle of Velveeta was sitting there, staring at me. Next to my Midnight Moon and other high-end cheeses, that little worm of a cheese log waited patiently for me to be out of cheese. In a storm. With a dead car battery. (Because really, how often am I out of the good stuff?)

Cheese picturesAnd occasionally I would attempt one of them-there Pinterest recipes that called for Velveeta. And it was okay. Usually, it would end up tasting a little off…and I blame the Velveeta. Not. My cooking.

So to those of you concerned with this, Velveeta shortage…let me offer you some equally as “inexpensive” but way tastier options.

Cheese CastleShop at Aldi. If you have an Aldi nearby, you’ll be surprised the quality of cheese available for a lower price point than you’d find at Whole Foods or Jewel. Delicious Havarti for about $3. Apple Cinnamon Cheddar for $4. Brie. Camembert. Smoked Gouda. All great options. All real cheese. All. Fucking. Amaze. Several even have 2-3 month shelf lives for those of you who are concerned that you won’t eat the cheese in a few days. (Really? Weirdo.)

Shop at Fruit/Vegetable Markets. This may sound counter-intuitive, but oftentimes, you can find tasty cheeses at large markets with gigantic produce sections for budget-friendly prices. And they have gigantic selections. Or at least mine do. And really this is about me and my cheese habit, isn’t it?

Love Cheese

Bobby Nelson’s Cheese Shop

And if you want to know some pretty stellar ways to use these newfangled cheeses? Brian’s brother sent me a pretty sweet cheese article that I think you’ll appreciate.

Are you worried about this Velveeta shortage? How about the Sriracha shortage? More on that next week. Mmmmm….Sriracha.

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Why do Gray Hairs Have to be so Kinky? Painful Beauty/Grooming Activities You’ll Probably Regret for Weeks. Okay Fine. Painful Grooming Activities I Regret.

Comments

  1. I Didn’t know there was a velveeta shortage, but I don’t eat the stuff anymore. I grew up on it and I always find a block at my mom’s house when I visit. I agree with you, after being introduced to fantastic cheesy goodness, velveeta just can’t hold up against them.

    I also second your Aldi recommendation. My husband and I started shopping at Aldi a few months ago and their cheese selection is great and the price is very good too.

  2. A velveta shortage might be a good thing. It would keep people away from bad “cheese food”. I usually buy a lot of my cheese from Costco. Both cheap and delicious!

    I love sriracha! I started making my own and I’m never going back!

  3. LOVE! I love you, this post and cheese! Velveeta, not so much. That shit should be outlawed! OUTLAWED! It’s a plastic brick of constipation.

  4. Love cheese. Velveeta and Cheese Wiz are NOT CHEESE. Although the spicy Cheese Wiz when heated goes well with nachos. I am ashamed.

  5. That’s what I thought…Velvetta? ewww. And I’m no health food mom. But wow. Imagine how many people are eating that stuff if there’s a shortage.

  6. Okay…this just cinched it. You rock. Definitely need a superhero cape. We fell in love with cheese before kids, and after kids we made sure that hated processed American cheese crap. My children are cheese snobs. When we went to France they shocked people by ordering things like escargot, and frogs legs. My daughter insists on cheddar cheese for her sandwiches. And not be mild stuff. We eat brie cheese by the bucket load. I didn’t know Aldi had such great cheeses, and now plan to make a pilgrimage.

    • YES! You are like…the best mom ever. Should Brian and I ever produce tiny humans, they will also be cheese snobs. My godson is the opposite of a cheese snob. He actually hates cheese unless it’s melted on like pizza and shit. My cousin (who is also a cheeseaholic) and I look at him regularly and ask him what planet he came from because certainly he’s not from our family!

  7. Velveeta IS real cheese!

  8. Did you know that Velveeta’s Twitter handle is @EatLiquidGold…I just stumbled over that a second ago after reading this early and had to double back to share. I kind of triggered my gag reflex a little. It just seems…wrong.

  9. There is a Velveeta shortage? I can’t believe it. I think it’s because people with no taste buds at it all. I feel so out of the loop.

    • People with no tastebuds! Ha! You’re a riot. Yeah, it’s like a month-long shortage and they’re calling it the “cheesepocalypse.” Until Mad Cow disease returns with a vengeance and threatens the lives of cows, goats and sheep around the world, I’m not too concerned about this doomsday of cheese.

  10. I’m a cheese-ophile (or possibly a cheese-aholic) as well. I didn’t know about the Velveeta shortage, but I haven’t had that stuff in over two decades. Unfortunately, we don’t have any Aldi’ s, but there is a discount grocery in the next town over that occasionally has some interesting cheeses. Mostly, I buy the end pieces from the cheese rack at my local supermarket. They are smaller, but available for under $5.

  11. Wait. Where have I been, I haven’t heard of this Velveeta shortage… This could be bad for me because “Queso” aka a block of velveeta + rotel is one of three things I can actually make happen in a kitchen.

  12. I can’t stand Velveeta. My sister used it once to make chili cheese dip for a party. She used shredded Velveeta rather than her usual shredded cheddar cheese because she was running late and she thought the Velveeta would melt better. Usually, her chili cheese dip is like crack for me, I could only eat one serving of it that day. That and boxed macaroni and cheese just needs to go away…

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