Remind Me NEVER to Tell You I’m Not Funny Again.

So you remember last week, when I told you guys reasons I wasn’t funny? I thought I was having a bad week, because nothing eventful had happened and I had very little to share in the humor blog world.

Well, let’s just say I jinxed myself…Like a BOSS.

Friday morning…the day after the offending post…

Brian was running a wee bit late as we were heading out the door. I went down to start the car and left him with my keys to lock up. I thought to myself, Maybe I should leave his keys, take the spare and carry my own keys. I need them to get my laptop.

He finally came down with my keys and got in the car. Which gave us 3 minutes to get to the train station and for me to run to the train. I made it. BARELY. We got to the train and I hauled ass…thank God for the woman with the broken leg who requires the lift to get in. She’s my lifesaver. Sort of.

So I sat down in as close to my usual spot as I could get (after walking through the ENTIRE train–I got on at the tail end and sit in the first car) and started reading. 10 minutes before I got to Union Station, Brian texted me to see if I made the train and that he brought my keys down, but didn’t give them to me, so they were in the glove box.

Oh. My. God.

A slew of profanities rang out, causing other train riders to glare at me, as I called Brian.

Me: Are you on the train yet?

Brian: No, why?

Me: I NEED my keys. Need them. Need them. *panic*

Brian: Oh? Calm down. Relax. I can go get them.

I called my boss in a panic, crying, freaking out. Explained all of the possibilities. I realize now that I could have just said, “Hey Boss. Going to be late. Problems with the commute. I’ll be in soon.” Instead I told him my life story and made him listen. Hopefully he couldn’t tell I was in tears.

I called Brian back and told him that I was freaking out because I was going to be an hour late to work and sitting at the train station waiting and waiting with nothing to do but worry. He told me that he could just meet me around lunch time to bring me the keys…

What? Apparently my earlier thoughts hadn’t been verbalized about needing my keys for my laptop. Also, Brian volunteered to delay his trip into the city just so I could have keys to get home (which I wouldn’t really even need!) Best. Boyfriend Ever.

So Brian caught a later train, brought me my keys and I jumped in a cab. I was going to be about 40 minutes late. Not bad.

Now I have a tendency to take cabs when I’m running late or when it’s raining…so I know the regular route and fare. This driver passed the usual turn on Dearborn, and I thought to myself, The other cab drivers usually turn here. I’m pretty sure you can’t turn onto State Street from Jackson. He’s going to take me in a big circle to get a higher fare. Fuck that. He’s getting $7 no matter what. Jerk.

But alas, he turned onto State Street. From Jackson. Which is, in fact, illegal.

And did, in fact, get him pulled over.

I was in a cab that got pulled over.

I was 2 blocks from work, and without a second thought, I paid the driver and tried to get out. The cop was telling him why he was pulling him over, and I kept demanding, “Open the door, I need to leave!”

It played out like a scene in a movie, in which he unlocked the door and I ran. I’m pretty sure I even ran fast. And I don’t run unless I’m trying to catch a train…or I guess run from a cab.

I realized a block later that you probably shouldn’t RUN out of a car that just got pulled over…the police officer might think you did something wrong.

So my luck with the cops can be passed on to anyone who’s driving a vehicle with me in it. And people wonder why I hate driving anywhere.

 

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10 Reasons I’m Not Funny This Week. Sloth Humor

Comments

  1. Not a good idea to run from a cop in Chicago after the vehicle your in gets pulled over. You might have a new pic to post on your blog. Arrest photo with you holding up the numbers on a placard 😉

  2. Oh my good god woman. Btw….we have a bunch of people at the office that are constantly leaving their keys at home which is a problem because they lock their laptops up in their desk. Solution, I had a full set of spares made for all the desks and we keep them locked up in our server room. Someone locks themselves out? Ta-da! I got the key.

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  1. […] That other morning when I was a little late to work because I forgot my keys… […]

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