I Get Drunk and Hug Inanimate Dolphins in Tuxedoes and Other Sordid Tales

The Dolphin

For some reason, there are random dolphin statues all over Marco Island. Last year, I got drunk on fruity cocktails, and hugged this guy:

Dolphin statues

Dolphin statues

Hugging dolphins

This year was no different.

dolphin love dolphin love dolphin love dolphin love

Of course, a lot more than drunken dolphin hugging happened…

I Hate TSA

If you remember from our trip to Disney World last September, with the drama of the skunk (actually, go read that. Right. Fucking. Now. Because it’s an awesome story. I’ll wait.) I have a packing problem. Not that I pack too much, but that it takes me a really fucking long time to pack things properly…And then TSA fucks it all up. So after I spent hours packing for Marco, I wrote TSA a little note.

A Letter to TSA

A Letter to TSA And you’ll never guess whose suitcase they checked this time…Brian’s! I think that they opened mine, and though Fuck That…we’ll open the other one. SUCCESS!

The Injuries

It wouldn’t be a Chrissy trip if injuries weren’t involved. Yes, I managed to carve several gashes into both of my feet, slit my wrist, slice up my hand, burn random designs into my body, and die of dysentery a la The Oregon Trail because I couldn’t carry the whole buffalo back to my covered wagon. OK, maybe not that last one. But I did tame a giant albino boa constrictor with my bare hands. (That one may be a bit of an exaggeration.)

OK, so the gashes (at least 5 in each foot) may or may not have come from the beachy shells stuck in my pink Walmart water shoes that have braved rivers, lakes, and oceans…Apparently when you let the ocean wash into your shoes, you shouldn’t walk like 5 miles in them. Just a word of advice…

 

Gashes on my feet

Ignore the Polish cankles and the Flintstoes (Flintstone toes) for just a minute to admire the colorful bandaids…More cuts ensued…It was not fun.

And the slicing up of my hand…Apparently you shouldn’t put your hand under water in the ocean feeling around for shells. One just might bite you.  Or three…

Stupid injuries

Slitting my wrist? I think that wine glass tried to kill me! I was drying the wine glasses when I must have been drying a little too hard. The next thing I know, I’ve got a stem in one hand and a foot in the other…and the wrist near the foot of the glass is gushing blood from the broken stem jabbing mighty hard into my wrist.

Cut wrist with a wine glass

I had a picture of the cut itself, which is ugly as fuck, but I decided not to do that to you guys. Do you like my Mickey band-aids?

This is how to properly burn one’s self in the most random designs imaginable. Let the water of the ocean rush all up in your leg business and forget to reapply the sunscreen.

Ridiculous sunburn Ridiculous sunburn

Braving the “Wild” Animals in the Everglades (ish)

I was bullied. Seriously bullied into a snake around my neck. And an alligator in my hands. You can see the fear in my eyes.

Wild animals at skunk ape research facility

He protects me from beasts.

Wild animals at skunk ape research facility

I was bullied into wearing this snake like a scarf. Brian kept saying they felt like good boots.

Wild animals at skunk ape research facility Wild animals at skunk ape research facility Wild animals at skunk ape research facility Wild animals at skunk ape research facility Wild animals at skunk ape research facility Wild animals at skunk ape research facility Wild animals at skunk ape research facility Wild animals at skunk ape research facility Wild animals at skunk ape research facility Wild animals at skunk ape research facility

Wild animals at skunk ape research facility

He liked me…

In Which I Said “Hi” From the Beach During My Sand Dollar Hunt

I had been out since 7 AM (sunrise), but I took a break from sand dollar hunting to say hello to my blog friends! Also, I feel goofy on video.

In total, I found about 50 sand dollars that I brought home with me. Some cracked along the way, but holy crap. They call it sand dollar spit for a reason.

Sand dollar hunt Sand dollar hunt Sand dollar hunt

In Which I Promoted Quirky Chrissy

Quirky Chrissy at the beach

Want more Chrissy? I wrote a Top 10 List over on my side blog…The Top 10 Most Frustrating Book Characters.

I missed you, guys. Even though I was off social media for 6 days, I thought about you! What did you do while I was gone, blog friends?

Monday Memories: Wild Animals…AKA I Got Bit by a Duck In Which I Annoyed the Crap Out of 138 Souls, 6 Flight Attendants, a Pilot, Plus 4 Lap Children on a Small-ish Aircraft

Comments

  1. LOL. When I came back from Europe once customs had ripped apart my luggage and I kinda laughed because I was on my way back and my suitcase was filled with dirty laundry. Suckers.

  2. I have SO much to say! Like a post worth… I am on my iPhone, so your site is safe from my, I love you SO much, let me count the ways…. 101…. Until I turn my computer on tomorrow morning! But I will say this, I watched your video laying in bed next to the hubs, he was reading, I was trying to read your post to him, anyways, when the video finished I sighed and looked at him and said, how can you not love her!!! He asked me what was wrong with me and went back to reading. More tomorrow!

  3. I just stumbled over here from Dedicated to Life, and you are hysterical! I needed a damn good laugh today as my boss is in Nazi mode again! Hope you don’t mind that I pimped you on FB and Twitter :)

  4. I, um, think I love you… in a non-creepy fashion, if there is such a thing. I can def. say I want to be your friend. Because you are seriously fun. And also? I don’t have any friends. So I guess that takes some of the special right out of my comment.

    *sigh*… Forever Alone :)

Trackbacks

  1. […] topic, I knew that I had to participate! Of course, first things first…I had to post about my Florida vacation over on my regular blog, Quirky […]

  2. […] Quirky Chrissy Just Your Ordinary Average Everyday Sane Psycho Supergoddess ← I Get Drunk and Hug Inanimate Dolphins in Tuxedoes and Other Sordid Tales […]

  3. […] 5. Find a sand dollar on the beach. Or fifty? […]

  4. […] sausage was determined a dangerous set of weapon and greedily manhandled by TSA. (And you remember how I feel about TSA.) This concerned Brian…not the part about the manhandling, but the part where I reacted to […]

  5. […] one of my “things.” Okay, sure…I have a few OCD tendencies…I got a little crazy with TSA when they dug through my skunky Disney suitcase…okay and maybe he’s concerned that […]

  6. […] out of here for the end of the month. These baby snowbirds (snowchicks?) in training are headed to sunny Marco Island for a week of 70-80 degree […]

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