Did I say a gremlin? I meant a mogwai. But you probably wouldn’t recognize a mogwai if I put that in the title…I’m sneaky like that. Mogwai are the tiny fictional creatures that start out cute and cuddly, singing sad little mogwai songs…but if the rules are broken, they become gremlins. What’s amusing, though, is that a mogwai is also a Chinese demon, that reproduces when it’s raining (interesting).
Three Rules to Owning a Mogwai
- Keep them out of sunlight
- Never get them wet
- Never feed them after midnight
If you break those rules…then you get gremlins. And those cute, singing cuddle buddies become glistening, scaly, vicious beasts…
- Expose them to sunlight (they die)
- Never get them wet (they multiply into lots of cuddle buddies much like the demon that reproduces in rain)
- Never feed them after midnight (they get slimy and mean)
How does this all relate to me? Allow me to explain. I was out with a friend of mine, who has known me since high school. We made our way down to the city, and he commented on my lack of coat.
I told him, “It’s 50 degrees…I would get hot wandering around the city. And crabby. And then I’d have to take my coat off and carry it. And be crabby. So no coat.”
And so he looked at me and said, “Princess Chrissy strikes again.”
“Maybe I’m a little high maintenance…”
“You think? This, I already know. Brian is a saint.”
“Yeah, he is, isn’t he?”
Which got me to thinking…What else am I high maintenance about? Which lead me to this:
Five Rules to Owning a Chrissy
- Keep her at the right temperature. If she’s too hot, she’ll get crabby. She never wants to wear a coat. Don’t make her. If she’s cold, she’ll lose circulation in her toes. Make sure she has socks, shoes, and gloves on. If it’s colder than 40 degrees outside, yes, turn on the butt warmers in the car. If she puts cold feet on your warm legs, you should let her. This means she is trying to warm up.
- She needs direct sunlight. Make sure that she has a good amount of sunlight on a daily basis. Without sunlight, a Chrissy will get depressed. And no one needs that. If it’s been too long without sunlight, you should probably take her to Florida.
- Make sure she eats at regular intervals. If she’s hungry, she is crabby. And snappy. And needs food immediately. You should actually carry snacks for her. Because she often forgets to refill her purse with snack packs after she eats the last one.
- Give her as many opportunities to swim in large bodies of water as possible. She’s like a fish or a dolphin. She is happy in water. Pools, hot tubs, lakes, rivers, oceans…all good things. You should probably take her to Florida with some regularity.
- Chrissy thrives on physical contact. Snuggling, hugging, and touching are all required. Even if her feet are really, really, really cold.
I’m not so bad, right?